The “Progressive” Ten Commandments
By Lee Duigon
You might have thought that finding a moral value among “progressives” would be as hard as digging up a rave review of “Eegah the Teenage Caveman.” But that’s a mistake. If there were a Progressive Bible, it would certainly have its own version of the Ten Commandments. And it would read something like this:
One. Thou shalt have a whole passel of gods before me-or better yet, no god at all. Do you want people to think you’re as smart as Richard Dawkins? Join him in saying I don’t exist. See how hard you can hate someone whom you say does not exist.
Two. Thou shalt bow down before graven images. In other words, worship your stuff. Stuff is all there is. Never mind eternal life: we have cell phones, video games, and the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. Above all, bow down before that ultimate creation by really smart people who are a lot smarter than you-the state. Big Brother rules!
Three. Thou shalt take God’s name in vain. Use it for punctuation, for emphasis, or just plain cussing. This will make people think you’re smart. If thou art a national leader, always invoke God’s name in support of abominable public policies favoring abortion and sodomy. Thou art always permitted to pretend to be a Christian.
Four. Forget the Sabbath day, and keep no day holy. There being no God, nothing, then, is holy-except, of course, the AIDS Quilt, PBS, and Michelle Obama’s wardrobe. And don’t forget to display your worldliness by publishing the most anti-Christian garbage you can find to coincide with Easter.
Five. Honor thy father and thy mother-NOT! Why should you? They don’t honor each other. Half the time they don’t bother to get married. Many of you wouldn’t recognize your father if you tripped over him. Anyhow, the government is thy mother and thy father.
Six. Thou shalt kill unborn babies. After all, that’s how young women fulfill their dreams: the prophet Obama hath said so. Thou art permitted to kill thyself: Humanist Manifesto II sayeth so, and those are all smart cookies. Thou shalt also kill the old and the infirm-for their own good, of course. Obamacare hath said so.
Seven. Thou shalt commit adultery every single chance you get. Thou shalt not smoke, or eat red meat, or snack, or drive an SUV, or use an incandescent light bulb, or have more stuff than thy neighbor, or by any means make a profit-so you might as well fornicate like there was no tomorrow. Smart people will think you’re smart, too, if you indulge in every sexual practice known to man. And if you die early from a loathsome sexual disease, thou art helping to save the planet!
Eight. Thou shalt steal. As the government doeth, do thou likewise. A thief who gets caught and thrown in jail is a fool; but a thief who gets elected is a statesman.
Nine. Thou shalt bear false witness. Our academics tell us there’s no such thing as objective truth, and they’re the smartest ones of all. There are only statements that help progressivism or that hinder it. To make a statement that destroys an enemy of the people is great smart-ness.
Ten. Thou shalt covet anything and everything that is thy neighbor’s. Whatever it may be, it’s not fair that he has it and you don’t. Why else does government exist, but to give you things that are thy neighbor’s? That is Social Justice.
By now you’ve noticed that the progressives’ ten commandments are the exact opposite of the Ten Commandments in the Bible. If you want to be a good progressive, just do the opposite of what a Christian ought to do. If you want to be a good Christian, do the opposite of what a progressive does.
Progs are atheists or pagans. They worship what they create with their own hands. They only play lip service to God when they want to trick Christians into supporting some anti-Christian public policy. They deny that anything is holy, except for the self-esteem of various prized minorities. They strive to abolish the family, and parenthood. They applaud abortion, suicide, and euthanasia. The only freedom they don’t want to take away is “sexual liberty.” As public officials, they rob the public blind. They communicate by lying. And covetousness and class warfare are the flesh and bones of their political rhetoric.
Can anybody say it isn’t so?