When to walk away vs waiting upon God

king'sbloomingrose

He is able to save
My question is this: how do I know when to wait upon the Lord to move in a relationship and just represent Him to the other person and how do I know when to just give up and walk away. Everything in me wants to move on from my relationship with this unsaved man. He is by no means a spiritual leader, just like he is not a physical leader. For instance, he can't drive so I drive for him and be the initiator a lot of the time in most activities. However, he refuses to even plan a trip or help me make decisions. He says he's just laid-back. It leaves me feeling very unfulfilled and unsatisfied. Please, I need wisdom on what to do. The selfish side of me says leave...but I don't know.
 
Is this an unbelieving boyfriend, not a husband? If so, you shouldn't be with him at all. Quite simple, really! ;) You should be kind to him, but he's not your husband, and until he's converted, he can't be your husband (nor your boyfriend or fiance); therefore, you have no obligation to him other than basic kindness and should have no involvement other than platonic friendship.
 

pistache

..the flower fades, but His Word stands forever..
Holly, you are mixing up establishing godly standards and what selfishness is.

From what I understand, you are with him because a) you are attracted to him and b) you care about him.

Neither of those are godly reasons for choosing a husband. Caring about someone doesn't mean you owe them your most intimate relationship.

You are putting those values at the top of your "husband-requirements" list.

What are your priorities in a husband? He doesn't have a Christ-centred life, and he is not a leader (spiritual or otherwise, it would seem). So where do you place those things on your list?

It has absolutely nothing to do with selfishness. You do not "owe" him a relationship because it is selfish otherwise to leave him. It has everything to do with godly priorities and standards. It is not a display of selfishness to end a relationship, it is because you realize it is unwise to enter into a holy covenant with the person. Waiting on God doesn't mean "sticking out an ungodly relationship." Waiting on God means honouring Him in your choices, and doing the right (obedient) thing even when it's hard, and you want to make your own decision the way you'd prefer it. You can care about someone and understand that a relationship is not God-honouring and must end.

So what are your top 3 must-have priorities in a husband? How many of those does he meet? What are you compromising, and 20 years down the road, can you imagine those compromises being worth it?
 

anath

I Love the Lord
Father, please grant Holly wisdom as she has shared the Gospel message to her unbeliever boyfriend and planted seeds. Go with her, help her Lord to know when it's time to move on and leave the work to You Lord to continue. May all glory be Yours, Lord.
Continue to use Holly, Lord. May her faithfulness be used to win other hearts for Jesus. In Jesus Holy Name, Amen.
 

mattfivefour

Well-Known Member
Holly, you are mixing up establishing godly standards and what selfishness is.

From what I understand, you are with him because a) you are attracted to him and b) you care about him.

Neither of those are godly reasons for choosing a husband. Caring about someone doesn't mean you owe them your most intimate relationship.

You are putting those values at the top of your "husband-requirements" list.

What are your priorities in a husband? He doesn't have a Christ-centred life, and he is not a leader (spiritual or otherwise, it would seem). So where do you place those things on your list?

It has absolutely nothing to do with selfishness. You do not "owe" him a relationship because it is selfish otherwise to leave him. It has everything to do with godly priorities and standards. It is not a display of selfishness to end a relationship, it is because you realize it is unwise to enter into a holy covenant with the person. Waiting on God doesn't mean "sticking out an ungodly relationship." Waiting on God means honouring Him in your choices, and doing the right (obedient) thing even when it's hard, and you want to make your own decision the way you'd prefer it. You can care about someone and understand that a relationship is not God-honouring and must end.

So what are your top 3 must-have priorities in a husband? How many of those does he meet? What are you compromising, and 20 years down the road, can you imagine those compromises being worth it?
I could not have said it better!
 

LivnForChrist

Jesus Christ is Lord
Praying for you Holly. Pistache gave some very Godly advice. Please, please consider it
very carefully. I know it's hard sweetie. It always is when our emotions are involved but
I believe you know the right thing to do. :hug God bless you with wisdom and courage. :pray:
 

vmoon

Well-Known Member
I say run like the wind! If you aren't happy now, you will be miserable later. Don't settle. There is nothing worse than being in a relationship that you don't want to be in. That is just my opinion.
 

ReadyforSupper

Well-Known Member
My question is this: how do I know when to wait upon the Lord to move in a relationship and just represent Him to the other person and how do I know when to just give up and walk away. Everything in me wants to move on from my relationship with this unsaved man. He is by no means a spiritual leader, just like he is not a physical leader. For instance, he can't drive so I drive for him and be the initiator a lot of the time in most activities. However, he refuses to even plan a trip or help me make decisions. He says he's just laid-back. It leaves me feeling very unfulfilled and unsatisfied. Please, I need wisdom on what to do. The selfish side of me says leave...but I don't know.

Listen to the Spirit. You have: a man who calls himself "laid back" because it covers every aspect of laziness. Expect to be his mother. You're unequally yoked, so you're pulling the ENTIRE load, don't expect him to. He's not a godly man, therefore has no godly attributes, like honoring his wife or any commitment.

I'm not trying to be hard, but what I'm reading into this is "I've got a great slave! She'll do whatever I ask because I'm laid back. Because she's a Christian, she can be used as a doormat because she has to honor me" Also, keep in mind that because he leaves all the decisions up to you, anything that goes wrong can be blamed on you.

Sis, God has plans for you. If it's a husband, then rest assured, He'll send the right one at the right time. If not, then He has SPECIAL plans for you. He wants your UNDIVIDED attention, and with a husband in the way (sorry but it's scriptural, lol) God can't have that. Some of us were called to be joined, some were called to be joined to God alone.

Don't let this go any longer, because you, yourself, want out. You owe him nothing and have probably done more than he deserves. Not saying he's not a great guy, but he's a worldly guy and belongs with a worldly girl.

We'll pray for comfort, strength and wisdom in the situation.

:hug
 

mattfivefour

Well-Known Member
Listen to the Spirit. You have: a man who calls himself "laid back" because it covers every aspect of laziness. Expect to be his mother. You're unequally yoked, so you're pulling the ENTIRE load, don't expect him to. He's not a godly man, therefore has no godly attributes, like honoring his wife or any commitment.

I'm not trying to be hard, but what I'm reading into this is "I've got a great slave! She'll do whatever I ask because I'm laid back. Because she's a Christian, she can be used as a doormat because she has to honor me" Also, keep in mind that because he leaves all the decisions up to you, anything that goes wrong can be blamed on you.

Sis, God has plans for you. If it's a husband, then rest assured, He'll send the right one at the right time. If not, then He has SPECIAL plans for you. He wants your UNDIVIDED attention, and with a husband in the way (sorry but it's scriptural, lol) God can't have that. Some of us were called to be joined, some were called to be joined to God alone.

Don't let this go any longer, because you, yourself, want out. You owe him nothing and have probably done more than he deserves. Not saying he's not a great guy, but he's a worldly guy and belongs with a worldly girl.

We'll pray for comfort, strength and wisdom in the situation.

:hug
THIS ABOVE ... is the best advice you will ever receive. Glory to God!!! Right on target!!! God has spoken here.
 
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