Wow ty for sharing what you learned etc!Cheeky if you don't find her, at least right away, maybe the Holy Spirit is your mentor. I pray you find her, but if not, I know that God will carry you thru to that Titus woman that He is building in you.
The fact you feel convicted, and are working to change to conform to the image of Christ, submitting as He did, to the task of the Cross means that you are becoming that Titus woman. Nailing the old you to the Cross, and taking up your cross and following HIM.
Be careful of other people's teachings on submission, because they might not know exactly what you are up against, or what God is calling you to do in a particular circumstance.
I've seen abused women being told to stay in marriages that could've killed them or their kids because of the wrong understanding of submission.
First we submit to God, then our husband. If our husband is doing something wrong, we don't submit to his sin. If he isn't, then we submit, even if it doesn't make sense or seems hard.
I struggled with this a LOT in my earlier years. I look back and shudder and think only the Grace of God got us thru. But each day, I was confronted by the Holy Spirit over and over and over. I was willing to change even if I hated the process.
I constantly prayed for George's salvation. He wasn't saved when we married. I thought he was-- but I deceived myself on that subject. He wasn't. His actual salvation came about 8 or 9 years later. After much prayer.
And it wasn't all roses then either. George was worse after committing his life to the Lord.
Because of the attack of the enemy on new Christians. (Watch out for that when yours gets saved). That fed into my thoughts of divorce as a solution, so I had to lay that on the altar regularly too.
I was angry, there were a number of causes -- one big one I'll explain below, but change had to start with me.
He was verbally abusive with our kids, very angry, hair trigger temper at times. That made it so much more difficult. Because I couldn't accept that. I had to confront that.
I wasn't that picture perfect submissive wife that the devotionals written about submissive wives talk about. I wanted to be her. I was so torn, but not when my kids were the target of his anger.
So when that was happening, I was pushing back, the kids heard, because George didn't keep our arguments tidy after the kids were in bed like I'd have preferred. He didn't care if he hurt the kids. I pushed back equally loudly because if he wouldn't save it for later, the kids would've been more damaged by absorbing what their father was yelling about them without having me present the truth equally loudly.
I'd do it again, because in that situation submitting to sin wasn't the right thing. At the time I just felt like a failure.
Where it came to his inability to stop his parents from running our lives, I learnt more submission. And I grew to truly, deeply love them both, instead of disliking them. It took longer for me to stop trying to fix the debt by making more money. But that was later when I submitted to God about quitting nursing and homeschooling the kids. God got us thru it all. And God's lessons were best.
It was difficult to know the balance. When to support and submit, when to resist and put limits. How to support him in a Godly way, not enabling him to be abusive with the children, not papering over the problems, but constructively actively being a helpmate and a loving support.
It was a balancing act. First the Word BE IN THE BIBLE DAILY-- then I asked is this Godly? is it safe for the kids? If so, I was all for it. If not, then asking God quickly under my breath, WHAT NOW LORD?, how do I deal with this? A lot of that kind of prayer.
I remember one particular session in which I stopped him from verbally tearing apart our son yet again. I stopped him, put the kids to bed and confronted him. Our son was about 10 and our daughter about 7. About 3 years after G got saved.
He was frustrated, and threw my lack of submission in my face. I told him exactly what he was doing, and that it was wrong, and he went off to our bedroom in an angry huff. I remember just crumpling up on the couch, and praying DEAR GOD deal with him please, this is destroying our son. I can't deal with this anymore. Then I felt peace and left it alone, kept on reading my book.
An hour or two later he came out of our bedroom white and shaky. I asked what was wrong and he said God showed him what he had done, and it was very wrong, killing our son inside, and that he wasn't to discipline our kids any more but to leave it to me.
From that point on, he did change. He had the odd relapse but nothing like the rage that would come to the surface when he "disciplined". He left the discipline to me. It's an area he is weak in, doing that was my way of submitting, yet being that help mate. However this was our biggest battle. He has thanked me over and over for my actions in this time.
That was a few years before we began to homeschool the kids thru high school. I quit my career as an RN, leaving behind my ability to solve any debt crisis that we had. Then our financial problems got worse but not due to either of us this time, so more prayer. God brought us thru it all.
Now he is heartsick at what he once was, what he once did, and how close he came to driving me away and destroying our kids lives, especially our son who was his main target in those early years. He knows.
God intervened. Because I prayed thru each challenge.
Not from the submit at all costs model that I sometimes hear preached, but the Godly submission that doesn't throw the kids under the bus, or paper over the wrongs.
What I'm saying is focus on the submission to GOD first, then husband comes second. Submission must first be to God. Then the balancing act gets easier, to know when to submit, and when to resist.
Our son still has some scars from that. He is a healthy functioning Christian adult, as is our daughter, but they both remember.
It was bad, but I don't gas light them and pretend it didn't happen. We are honest about the past. Including George.
It's hard, life is hard. None of us get out without some scars. I'm pretty sure that your "fiesty" side is a response to injuries that you've endured, boundaries that were crossed and ignored. You might have to go back and confront the parts of your past where those injuries took place and apply the knowledge that you now have into that past situation.
If I could have prevented our children from taking damage, I would have, and I very nearly divorced over it. I most certainly would if that abuse had continued, or gotten physical. I was in constant prayer as each situation erupted.
He also did the hard work of changing.
I can't imagine life now without him, even though the way was a little rough and bumpy in spots. I love him dearly. I'm so glad he changed and I changed and we let God change us and remake us.
If I had divorced then, the kids wouldn't have gotten to know the love of their dad, the changes he made after that watershed moment, the life we all built in the years afterwards. And they'd have taken the damage from that divorce into their futures.
Like us, our kids live in a fallen world. Like all of us we all bear our share of the wounds and scars of living in this fallen world. None of us gets out of here unscathed by the battle, the warfare for our very souls.
Be careful to submit first and foremost to God, then to your husband. And always in prayer over each situation because we are all different.
There are no perfect ways to become the perfect Christian wife and mother.
Just allow yourself to be a broken woman taking it to the Lord in prayer for forgiveness, healing, for walking in Him, for wisdom for each day and each night as they come. That way you will all be healed and walk free of the past that each of you have endured.
I agree. Separation from abuse is wise. Domestic violence 24 hr helpline ppl can help one discern if they are in abuse if not sure.
Husbands are rarely taught the verse that says they are to love their wives as Christ loved the church AND gave Himself up for her. I can count 5 husbands I know that love their wives like this.
If married, and my hub loved me according to the Bible, it would not be a challenge to submit to his godly leadership decisions.
If he gave up himself, his porn or flirting with flirty church ladies...that was my case, (if he stops something because I felt hurt by what he did, even if he didnt understand or agree, now THATS Biblical love n I hope I'd also do that for him...but thats giving up ourselves and preferring eachother over ourselves, submitting one to another according to the Bible)
Obedience to God regardless of what the other spouse does is important. But we dont submit to abuse, disrespect, unBiblical living, etc.
Thx athenasius...ps I have a nephew with your name!
It is awful really when a pastor encourages abuse.
If anyone is interested I can give a list of helpful books on the abuse issue. God delivered me from 2 husbands who were. I hate divorce. Single now forever! Abba is my Husband!