This took me a long time to understand...I wanted Him in my life so badly...I'd prayed for forgiveness so many times...asked Him to "please don't forget me", "please don't give up on me"...but I felt a barrier between us...then I asked Him "Lord, please make me willing, I cannot do this on my own". Then He began to show me that He'd been there the whole time...preserving me...not leaving me to my own devices...He is the only source of true Joy; nothing else even comes close. To know that my purpose here is to glorify Him, and that I will one day spend eternity with Him, is truly something so wonderful I can hardly fathom it.You see, when we first truly turn to God, He never lets go of us. His love for us is beyond anything we can imagine. If we have ever truly wanted to serve Him, He will always work to bring us back and make us into what He has destined us to be.