Stepdaughter Boundaries

alisani

Well-Known Member
I followed up with my husband and apologized for not being respectful and after much prayer I told him I will support his decision. I have been reflecting on Sarah's example with Abraham and how she expressed her concerns with Ishmael and how Abraham disagreed. Yet God intervened on her behalf that time and many times before.

I haven't trusted God in this and have just focused on how my husband isn't doing what I want based on my concerns. I did make one request that we see the Pastor in preparation should she live with us. He said he would like that since establishing rules will be new for us with her.

I'm extremely grateful for all of the Godly counsel I received here. I knew I would get the truth and not be appeased. I am grateful I can serve God in this way by obeying his command to respect and obey my husband. I pray that God will use this to lead them both to salvation.

I will definitely need a lot of prayers to endure whatever comes whether she moves in or not. It will be difficult and test me just as becoming a mother will. God bless you my brothers and sisters in Christ!
This is beautiful sister. God doesn't have to but chooses to reward such obedience. You will be blessed and be a blessing.
 

cheeky200386

Well-Known Member
No... just no. He needs to focus on you and your baby. If she’s going to turn 18 and it’s a bad situation... you don’t want to bring that into your life when you’re about to have a baby. It’s hard enough parenting a newborn. You need a strong marriage and him pushing this on you isn’t right if you’re not on board. I can tell he wants to save her but at this point it’s too late. I’m from a dysfunctional family. I’ve seen this type of situation played out over and over. It will not end well.

I know I’m coming off harsh but I’m wanting to save you from a lot of pain and tears in the end. I have step parents on both sides and I’ve seen this... I’m screaming here... “Don’t do it!”

I know exactly what you mean, which is why I have concerns in the first place. I have decided to give these concerns to God. I know he's aware of these same issues you're describing and wants what's best for all of us. I am praying that speaking to my Pastor will bring these issues up again in a setting that will help my husband and I hear each other.

God is greater than my worries or my attempts to control situations I don't like. I've been learning this since my salvation. Remember the examples with Sarah and Abraham. Abraham allowed 2 different men at 2 different times to take her for themselves by lying and saying she wasn't his wife out of fear. The Bible says that God intervened for Sarah's sake! How beautiful is this! 1 Peter 3 tells us to learn from Sarah so that we may be her daughters. That same verse talks about salvation for our unbelieving husbands. I know God will use this all for his Glory and I'm excited to see how he works.

I do appreciate your concern because I know you really care and want the best. Thank you so much!!
 

Andy C

Well-Known Member
I know exactly what you mean, which is why I have concerns in the first place. I have decided to give these concerns to God. I know he's aware of these same issues you're describing and wants what's best for all of us. I am praying that speaking to my Pastor will bring these issues up again in a setting that will help my husband and I hear each other.

God is greater than my worries or my attempts to control situations I don't like. I've been learning this since my salvation. Remember the examples with Sarah and Abraham. Abraham allowed 2 different men at 2 different times to take her for themselves by lying and saying she wasn't his wife out of fear. The Bible says that God intervened for Sarah's sake! How beautiful is this! 1 Peter 3 tells us to learn from Sarah so that we may be her daughters. That same verse talks about salvation for our unbelieving husbands. I know God will use this all for his Glory and I'm excited to see how he works.

I do appreciate your concern because I know you really care and want the best. Thank you so much!!
Any new developments, more talks with your husband or with the Pastor?
 

kathymendel

Well-Known Member
I've been there and done that.......... a couple of times. One of two things will happen. She will either move in and act responsibly and respectfully until she is able to move on as an adult. Or, she will do the opposite, and will most likely be gone in six months or so. You can only ask God to help you deal with whatever happens on a daily basis. Once children are that age, you really have no control over the outcome. They make up their own minds.
 

cheeky200386

Well-Known Member
Any new developments, more talks with your husband or with the Pastor?

We just decided to wait and see how things continue to develop. If she expresses a desire to live with us, once she turns 18 in August, then Mike and I will set up a time to meet with my Pastor. There we'll brainstorm consequences, rules, etc.. then have a phone call with her to communicate all of this.

Either way, it can't be rushed because Mike will be in Tampa for the first 2 weeks of August taking a course to transfer to the police department in FL.

I have a feeling she won't want to live with us because of our structure and rules. She told him she'd call him every day around noon and hasn't called him for the past week now. This is her MO. She shows up wanting immediate help, then drops off for months at a time. I pointed this out to him as a concern that she would call suddenly after months of not talking, asking to move in. Mike reassured me he would not allow that either. He did say he's not willing to ruin our marriage by rushing anything because of the chaos in her life. Worse case, he'll set her up somewhere while we take our time discussing things out. She has a local friend who lets her stay there over the summers when she doesn't visit. Mike has paid for Elisia's food during her stays.
 
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alisani

Well-Known Member
We just decided to wait and see how things continue to develop. If she expresses a desire to live with us, once she turns 18 in August, then Mike and I will set up a time to meet with my Pastor. There we'll brainstorm consequences, rules, etc.. before we then have a phone call with her to communicate all of this.

Either way, it can't be rushed because Mike will be in Tampa for the first 2 weeks of August taking a course to transfer to the police department in FL.

I have a feeling she won't want to live with us because of our structure and rules. She told him she'd call him every day around noon and hasn't called him for the past week now. This is her MO. She shows up wanting immediate help, then drops off for months at a time. I pointed this out to him as a concern that she would call suddenly after months of not talking, asking to move in. Mike reassured me he would not allow that either. Mike promised me that even if she calls in the middle of the night saying, "I need to move in asap", he will not let her move in without us talking to the Pastor, and then talking to her about the expectations. He did say he's not willing to ruin our marriage by rushing anything because of the chaos in her life. Worse case, he'll set her up somewhere while we take our time discussing things out. She has a local friend who lets her stay there over the summers when she doesn't visit. Mike has paid for Elisia's food during her stays.
Praise God for moving on your husband's heart to have wisdom and to respect you and your home! Will keep you and yours before the throne!
 

Andy C

Well-Known Member
We just decided to wait and see how things continue to develop. If she expresses a desire to live with us, once she turns 18 in August, then Mike and I will set up a time to meet with my Pastor. There we'll brainstorm consequences, rules, etc.. before we then have a phone call with her to communicate all of this.

Either way, it can't be rushed because Mike will be in Tampa for the first 2 weeks of August taking a course to transfer to the police department in FL.

I have a feeling she won't want to live with us because of our structure and rules. She told him she'd call him every day around noon and hasn't called him for the past week now. This is her MO. She shows up wanting immediate help, then drops off for months at a time. I pointed this out to him as a concern that she would call suddenly after months of not talking, asking to move in. Mike reassured me he would not allow that either. He did say he's not willing to ruin our marriage by rushing anything because of the chaos in her life. Worse case, he'll set her up somewhere while we take our time discussing things out. She has a local friend who lets her stay there over the summers when she doesn't visit. Mike has paid for Elisia's food during her stays.
Sounds like a well reasoned plan to me and I pray whatever happens, is the best outcome for all.
 

cheeky200386

Well-Known Member
Praise God for moving on your husband's heart to have wisdom and to respect you and your home! Will keep you and yours before the throne!
Praise God indeed! It was comforting to hear him express an understanding of how disastrous it would be for our home to let her storm in willy nilly. That was definitely an answered prayer. Thank you guys so much for listening and giving awesome suggestions.
 

fl2007rn

Well-Known Member
We just decided to wait and see how things continue to develop. If she expresses a desire to live with us, once she turns 18 in August, then Mike and I will set up a time to meet with my Pastor. There we'll brainstorm consequences, rules, etc.. then have a phone call with her to communicate all of this.

Either way, it can't be rushed because Mike will be in Tampa for the first 2 weeks of August taking a course to transfer to the police department in FL.

I have a feeling she won't want to live with us because of our structure and rules. She told him she'd call him every day around noon and hasn't called him for the past week now. This is her MO. She shows up wanting immediate help, then drops off for months at a time. I pointed this out to him as a concern that she would call suddenly after months of not talking, asking to move in. Mike reassured me he would not allow that either. He did say he's not willing to ruin our marriage by rushing anything because of the chaos in her life. Worse case, he'll set her up somewhere while we take our time discussing things out. She has a local friend who lets her stay there over the summers when she doesn't visit. Mike has paid for Elisia's food during her stays.
Excellent! Continued prayers for everyone and that you have a positive experience here in Florida. :pray We need more conservative Christians in Florida! At the moment we have an awesome Republican Governor, Ron DeSantis, and I pray he gets one more term. People have been fleeing the northern states and moving to Florida at almost 1,000 people every day which has driven up the price of real estate. Hopefully, Mike can get an idea of some good neighborhoods to move to when he comes for his 2 week training.
 

Andy C

Well-Known Member
It was 90% humidity today but I am used to it. When I go out west the dryness is very intense for me.
I not sure what part you live in, but in Tampa, the dew point is right now 68. For those who dont know, Dew point measures the “stickiness” in the air, and once its above 60, you can feel it. Summers there is well over 75 all day and night. 75 is a level the tropics reach, and Im sure parts of Florida reach 79-80 at times. Here in Oregon, its rare to get a dew point above 58, and is usually in the mid 50s all summer.

Cheeky, Im not sure of you have ever lived in the south, and if not, get use to sweating by just thinking about going outside. Also, flash your lights on and off all night so you are use to the daily lightning storms.

I still like Florida as the people I met there were very nice.
 
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