Spouse Hunting

Círeth

Purry, roary, one.
So I've been praying a lot recently about whether I am called to singleness or not and I really don't think I am. I have such a strong desire to have a family of my own and I asked the Lord to take it away if I am called to singleness and it hasn't gone away. In fact it's got stronger.

here's a group of young men who are coming to our after church events because there is a shortage of young single women in their church and a shortage of young single men in mine. I haven't met any of them yet, because I haven't been to after church events lately, but I know there are more single ladies in my church than there are single young men visiting.

I know some people here might council patience but it seems to me that we're not going to find spouses by just sitting there. The churches in my city often get together for things like Street Pastors and soup runs. Would it be wrong of me to ask the elders of my church to get together to organise something for the single Christians in my city so that maybe we could find spouses?
 

StormsMom

Well-Known Member
Go for it! God expects us to make an effort in any area we want to change. For example, if you wanted to change your job, you would not just wait around to have one presented to you. You would exam yourself and decide what you want and are suitable for, then write your resume, start looking at posted job openings and then apply for the openings that are a good fit for you. In the same way, you should think and pray about what you are looking for in a spouse, let the people in your life know you are interested in looking for a spouse and then put yourself in situations where you can meet potential suitors.
 

Tall Timbers

Imperfect but forgiven
Cireth, you might want to provide them with a couple of ideas, and help form a committee of church members who would head up the project. Are you willing to roll up your sleeves and make something happen?

Years ago, my wife made one small comment to a church member and the next thing I knew I was heading a country & Western Dance Ministry...
 

mattfivefour

Administrator
Staff member
Looking, following the death of my first wife, was a painful experience ... and did not turn out at all godly. It was when I told God I was done trying and if HE wanted me to have a spouse HE would have to find one, that I found my wife. Or rather, we were brought face to face and the rest, as they say, is history!

Not saying that is what you should do. Just recounting my own experience. Pray and go where God leads, Cireth.
 

Lynn

Well-Known Member
Cireth, I think the idea of asking church leaders to organize a conference or event for the singles in your area is a good one.
One word of caution would be to think about the doctrine (gospel) that is taught by the various nearby churches. Not all churches share the same idea of what is the gospel. Your desires to marry & start a family are placed there by God. He will provide a husband that will be just right for you. Earnestly seek His choice for you. If there are larger churches within a reasonable driving distance, perhaps you might visit there.
 

athenasius

Well-Known Member
I can't honestly remember the Christian online dating site name that our son met our daughter in law or even if such things are allowed now 12 years later. It was popular at the time, BUT then a few years later I think I remember hearing some gay "christians" and non christians complained it was discriminating but if it's still up and running???? It was kind of amazing how they met even with that site. God's hand for sure. My dil wasn't going to go on there, but I think her mother or sister put her profile up, and she was taking it down and our son's profile popped up, and he was about to give up. Anyway long story short, they met, hit it off in spite of both being incredibly shy people and about 10 months later they married. All that started actually 12 years back, they are coming up on their 11th anniversary this spring.

Whatever you do, be cautious and let God's hand protect and guide you. There are predatory people out there, online and in groups that you'd think are safe, like church. Guard your heart carefully so you don't fall for someone and then talk yourself out of any red flags that show up. If red flags show up, back away carefully and keep praying. You are special and precious and a wonderful sister Cireth, the right guy will have been praying his heart out that God would put a godly woman in his way. If you bump into a wrong un, be ready to cut your losses and run, keeping you safe and ready for the right one. :pray :hug
 
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Dave

Matthew 24:14
If you do try online dating, here is some advice not to do. Do not put your name or any personal info on your profile. People can do an internet search on you and find out where you live. Talk to the person and get to know them before you meet them. Meet them in a public place that you feel comfortable with. If they say they do not have a car and give you a sob story on why they can not meet you there then take that as a red flag and move on. Insist on talking to the person on the phone for a length of time before you meet them, do not just text message that person. If they seem dodgy and only insist on texts or only will talk to you for a length of time like if they seem like they are driving or outside and only will talk for a minute or two then assume they are married or in a relationship. If you go meet someone for the first time in a public place, tell your parents or someone you really trust what you are doing and text them that you have arrived before meeting that person and after you left safely. I know people laugh at that but there are crazy people out there.

Do not leave with that person after the first meet up. Someone who is truly looking will make time to talk to you on the phone and will spend time talking to you for a length of time. Thats some advice I can give and you may already know this stuff but I am posting it because I have encountered some women on dating sites that have made mistakes on posting personal info on their profiles. I also have made mistakes. Also check your rear view mirror and if someone seems like they are following you then do not go home. Go to the police station and call the police if they seem like they are following you turn for turn. This might be that person following you or it might be their spouse they are trying to cheat on or ex that is not over them. I would practice this at all times. I used to live in a bad neighborhood and I would have people follow me home when I got off work on nights. One guy blocked me in my driveway and walked up and looked at me and then left.
 

Love His Appearing

Well-Known Member
Cireth, you are truly a gem and totally worth waiting for. Just a note of encouragement....somewhere out there (like my own home) there is a faithful mom and even grandma praying for the Lord to bring a perfect wife for her son. The Lord will bring YOU just the right man at just the right time. Your heart is tender and any man worth his salt will be lucky to have found YOU. I have found that the very best ones come when we aren't looking.

In the meantime, consider this (possibly a bit inappropriate) piece of biblical advice (my dear GODLY friend's adult daughter posted this to her facebook years ago while looking/waiting for her husband and it gave me a chuckle)...

"Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz. While you are waiting for YOUR Boaz, don't settle for any of his relatives: Broke-Az, Po-Az, Lyin'-Az, Cheatin'-Az. Dumb-Az, Drunk-Az, Cheap-Az, LockedUp-Az, GoodForNothing-Az, Lazy-Az, and especially his third cousin, Beatin'Yo-Az. Wait on your Boaz and make sure he resects Yoaz."
 

Walter Kerr

Well-Known Member
"Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz. While you are waiting for YOUR Boaz, don't settle for any of his relatives: Broke-Az, Po-Az, Lyin'-Az, Cheatin'-Az. Dumb-Az, Drunk-Az, Cheap-Az, LockedUp-Az, GoodForNothing-Az, Lazy-Az, and especially his third cousin, Beatin'Yo-Az. Wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yoaz."
That is a most amusing sentence Love His Appearing and tops off a very good post, thank you.
 
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