KenE@21B
Well-Known Member
I want to preface this testimony with a Biblical truth: "If you don't control your thoughts your thoughts will control you"
I had an amazing salvation\conversion experience when I was sixteen years old. However, due to a lack of discipleship, I eventually backslid, convinced that my conversion experience had been an episode of teenage guilt and hysteria.
In my thirties I made a whole-hearted commitment to follow Jesus. I went through a process of self-examination and systematically dealt with each area in my life where I knew I had dishonored the Lord.
(I am going to use 'layman's language' to explain the following processes I went through for the sake of better understanding - I didnt know any better and this is how I managed the process)
I knew that God could see the very intents of my heart and that I really 'meant business' with Him about overcoming my weaknesses and strongholds, so when I started to have (bad) sexual dreams AFTER I had repented and renounced my involvement with pornography, I was disappointed and distressed.
The first night that I woke up in the middle of such a dream, I tossed and turned, telling God that He knew I was sincere in my decision and endeavors to walk uprightly and asked Him to help me to stop having these dreams.
The second night I had another sexual dream - and again I wrestled with God about the battle of becoming free of these dreams.
The third night in a row, I had yet another sexual dream! This time I rose, and got down onto my knees, pleading with the Holy Spirit to help me discern the source of these unwanted intrusions into my mind.
I then received a remarkable revelation - in my mind's eye(?) I saw a garden, in the process of being groomed, with a grotesque weed growing right in the middle of it.
The Lord showed me that during my interaction with pornographic movies, I had allowed a 'seed' to be planted in this garden and it had grown unchecked.
This particular weed had a title: 'spirit of infidelity' because I had made a vow before God and witnesses to be faithful to my wife, but had broken this vow by looking in lust at other women in the porn movies.
According to the Scripture of 'putting the axe to the root', in the Spirit I 'uprooted' this weed out of the 'garden of my soul' and 'cast it into outer darkness'.
That night I went back to sleep with a sense of victory and relief, knowing that I had dealt a blow to satan's influence over my life.
I also learned a valuable lesson about the enemy's tactics of using 'fiery darts' - i.e. planting thoughts in our minds to create temptation and to lead us to sin - I realized that he could do this while we were asleep!
This is one of the reasons Scripture tells us to put on the WHOLE armour of God, of which the helmet of salvation serves to protect our minds against such fiery darts.
To my horror, a few nights later, I woke up during yet another sexual dream. It was different to the previous dreams and this time I immediately sought the Lord's help.
As I knelt in prayer I realized that this dream was supposed to make me believe that my previous 'victory' had been a failure - another of satan's lies!
This time I was shown another weed in the garden of my soul with a different title - 'spirit of perversion' - because of the unnatural practices I had viewed in the porn movies. As before, I pulled this 'weed' out by it's roots and 'cast it into outer darkness'.
This process continued for some time as I systematically cleared out the garbage I had accumulated in my soul - there were 'weeds' (strongholds) of 'lust', 'depravity', 'bestiality', 'violence', 'sadism'.... so as you can imagine my 'innocent' practice of watching of all manner of pornographic movies had left powerful strongholds in my life through which the enemy kept me from growing in faith and holiness. It took months to reach a point where I felt that my full armour was in place, that my heart and mind were constantly guarded, and that I was really able to start making meaningful progress in my walk with Jesus.
Now, many years later, I must confess that even after having gone through that process, I am still not immune to the incessant attacks of the enemy.
We are inundated with sexualized images in every form of media.
I do realize that God has created beautiful people and that one cannot walk or drive down the road with your eyes closed.
One 'check and balance' that I think is fair, is to admire such beauty without allowing one's eyes to wander or one's thoughts to be steered awry. A definite sign of weakness and a sure pathway to sinful thoughts is a second look!
When such images appear (unsolicited) in the media, the best defence we have it to turn our eyes away! This may seem like a childlike response, but if you just ask the Holy Spirit to 'catch you' when such temptation arises, He will remind and help you to avert your eyes.
As I prepare to post this message I have been reminded that this process of self-examination is not a one-time thing. We should constantly and sincerely pray Psalm 139 over ourselves: "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
God bless you if you have read this testimony and found anything that helps you to gain victory in this vital battle against a tireless enemy.
I had an amazing salvation\conversion experience when I was sixteen years old. However, due to a lack of discipleship, I eventually backslid, convinced that my conversion experience had been an episode of teenage guilt and hysteria.
In my thirties I made a whole-hearted commitment to follow Jesus. I went through a process of self-examination and systematically dealt with each area in my life where I knew I had dishonored the Lord.
(I am going to use 'layman's language' to explain the following processes I went through for the sake of better understanding - I didnt know any better and this is how I managed the process)
I knew that God could see the very intents of my heart and that I really 'meant business' with Him about overcoming my weaknesses and strongholds, so when I started to have (bad) sexual dreams AFTER I had repented and renounced my involvement with pornography, I was disappointed and distressed.
The first night that I woke up in the middle of such a dream, I tossed and turned, telling God that He knew I was sincere in my decision and endeavors to walk uprightly and asked Him to help me to stop having these dreams.
The second night I had another sexual dream - and again I wrestled with God about the battle of becoming free of these dreams.
The third night in a row, I had yet another sexual dream! This time I rose, and got down onto my knees, pleading with the Holy Spirit to help me discern the source of these unwanted intrusions into my mind.
I then received a remarkable revelation - in my mind's eye(?) I saw a garden, in the process of being groomed, with a grotesque weed growing right in the middle of it.
The Lord showed me that during my interaction with pornographic movies, I had allowed a 'seed' to be planted in this garden and it had grown unchecked.
This particular weed had a title: 'spirit of infidelity' because I had made a vow before God and witnesses to be faithful to my wife, but had broken this vow by looking in lust at other women in the porn movies.
According to the Scripture of 'putting the axe to the root', in the Spirit I 'uprooted' this weed out of the 'garden of my soul' and 'cast it into outer darkness'.
That night I went back to sleep with a sense of victory and relief, knowing that I had dealt a blow to satan's influence over my life.
I also learned a valuable lesson about the enemy's tactics of using 'fiery darts' - i.e. planting thoughts in our minds to create temptation and to lead us to sin - I realized that he could do this while we were asleep!
This is one of the reasons Scripture tells us to put on the WHOLE armour of God, of which the helmet of salvation serves to protect our minds against such fiery darts.
To my horror, a few nights later, I woke up during yet another sexual dream. It was different to the previous dreams and this time I immediately sought the Lord's help.
As I knelt in prayer I realized that this dream was supposed to make me believe that my previous 'victory' had been a failure - another of satan's lies!
This time I was shown another weed in the garden of my soul with a different title - 'spirit of perversion' - because of the unnatural practices I had viewed in the porn movies. As before, I pulled this 'weed' out by it's roots and 'cast it into outer darkness'.
This process continued for some time as I systematically cleared out the garbage I had accumulated in my soul - there were 'weeds' (strongholds) of 'lust', 'depravity', 'bestiality', 'violence', 'sadism'.... so as you can imagine my 'innocent' practice of watching of all manner of pornographic movies had left powerful strongholds in my life through which the enemy kept me from growing in faith and holiness. It took months to reach a point where I felt that my full armour was in place, that my heart and mind were constantly guarded, and that I was really able to start making meaningful progress in my walk with Jesus.
Now, many years later, I must confess that even after having gone through that process, I am still not immune to the incessant attacks of the enemy.
We are inundated with sexualized images in every form of media.
I do realize that God has created beautiful people and that one cannot walk or drive down the road with your eyes closed.
One 'check and balance' that I think is fair, is to admire such beauty without allowing one's eyes to wander or one's thoughts to be steered awry. A definite sign of weakness and a sure pathway to sinful thoughts is a second look!
When such images appear (unsolicited) in the media, the best defence we have it to turn our eyes away! This may seem like a childlike response, but if you just ask the Holy Spirit to 'catch you' when such temptation arises, He will remind and help you to avert your eyes.
As I prepare to post this message I have been reminded that this process of self-examination is not a one-time thing. We should constantly and sincerely pray Psalm 139 over ourselves: "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
God bless you if you have read this testimony and found anything that helps you to gain victory in this vital battle against a tireless enemy.