Somebody tell a joke, Please

[Wally]

Why are there pop tarts but no mom tarts? Because of the pastryarchy.

What about classical tarts, but then that may be a little risqué.

Boston pop tarts probably have CBD....

 

[Ghoti Ichthus]

Noah's ark - the ultimate mass transit

. . . and unlike modern mass transit, animals, food, and drink allowed

 

[HHA889]

I need a laugh. Whatcha got?

What do you get when a bird flies into a fan?
Shredded Tweet.

That's my only family friendly joke. I know 2 more but they are ugly.

What does a frog order from a burger joint?

French Flies!!

 

[lightofmylife]

3 guys were waiting at the Pearly Gates.

The first one turned with a smile to the others, This is my reward for giving my life to be a missionary to savages.

The second one smiled and said, I spent 30 years witnessing in a soviet gulag. Praise the Lord!

The third one shrugged and said, Last thing I remember is my wife asking if the striped dress made her look fat...

My reply to the third one you are in big trouble if you said yes she looks fat from the striped dress. The wife will say to St. Peter he doesn't belong in heaven he isn't nice.

 

[lightofmylife]

A teacher was testing the children in her Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
She asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?"
"NO!" the children answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!"
Now she was smiling. Hey, they're getting it, she thought! "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?" she asked.
Again, they all answered, "NO!"
She was just bursting with pride for them. "Well," she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."

It is funny but the truth is Christians that are alive and remain when Jesus comes back don't die we go up with our new glorified bodies to heaven.

 

[Ghoti Ichthus]

Why didn't Noah go fishing?


He only had two worms.

 

[Ghoti Ichthus]

What do they call Pastors in Germany?


German Shepherds

 

[lightofmylife]

What time of day was Adam created? Just a little before Eve.

 

[lightofmylife]

How do we know that Peter was a rich fisherman? By his net income.

 

[JoyJoyJoy]

What do they call Pastors in Germany?


German Shepherds

What's the German word for brasserie?

Stopemfromfloppin

 

[are you ready]

Don't Be So Open Minded,Your Brains Will Fall Out.

 

[Ghoti Ichthus]

Don't Be So Open Minded,Your Brains Will Fall Out.

Sounds like a good T shirt

 

[are you ready]

I put my Grandma on speed dial,I call her Instagram

The other day I held the door open for a clown,it was a nice jester.

 

[Ghoti Ichthus]

A teacher asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories.

She was puzzled by a boy’s picture which showed four people on an aircraft, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. ‘The flight to Egypt,’ he replied. ‘I see…And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus,’ she said.’But who’s the fourth person?’

‘Oh, that’s Pontius – the Pilot!’

 

[Ghoti Ichthus]

If Moses had received the 10 Commandments via text message:​

no1 b4 me. srsly.
dnt wrshp pix/idols
no omg's
no wrk on w/end (sat 4 now; sun l8r)
pos ok ur m&d r cool
dnt kill ppl
:-X only w/ m8
dnt steal
dnt lie re: bf
dnt ogle ur bf's m8. or ox. or dnkey. myob.

ttyl, JHWH.

ps. wwjd?

 

[alisani]

What did the triangle say to the circle?

You're pointless.

 

[ZAGS]

The Macys Thanksgiving Parade may be cancelled this year due to concerns that Bo Jiden may order the balloons shot down.

 

[Carl]

RaptureForums serious thread!

 

[JoyJoyJoy]

Why did the reporter go to the ice cream shop??

He needed to get the scoop

 

[lismore]

I burned a lot of calories today- I forgot I had a pizza in the oven