Saint Nancy hires an Exorcist!


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Saint Nancy of Pelosi has begun to believe that recent nasty downfalls in her life (Pauly attacked by man with hammer, stock divestments, loss of Speakership, and fecal odor in San Francisco) are the direct results of demon infestation. As such, she has reportedly requested the services of an experienced exorcist. Hopefully we will be able to watch an episode of Paranormal Activities and hear priestly exhortations such as “OUT ORANGE MAN SPIRIT! IT IS NANCY HERSELF WHO COMPELS YOU!”
Do exorcists charge by the square footage? The number of those possessed? The number of those in the community who can’t name their State?
I have to admit - I want to see Poltergeist stuff and discover that Nancy’s house was built on a Republican owned cemetery. A little split-pea vomit would be a nice touch.
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I heard the Catholic Church has no record of any exorcisms happening at that house. It's as though she's lying. Weird, huh?

Besides, if there was a successful exorcism there, perhaps she'd have a change of heart?


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There was an evaluation of the house by the local parish. Findings:

Stench of rotting carp
Portraits of owners with pitchforks
Admission tickets for quarantined salons
Various mammalian entrails in basement
Skeleton keys held by actual skeletons
Greta Thunberg worship statue
Purple rosary beads from Mardi Gras
Smell of organically grown weed
Floating ashtrays

No indication of abnormal phenomena.