ldonjohn
"God said it, that settles it!"
I grew up attending a Baptist church. I heard about sinners going to hell if they don't "believe in Jesus" and be "saved" every Sunday. But by the time I was 17-18 years old I wasn't sure if any of it was true. I could not understand how saying a prayer "in Jesus' name" saved anyone. I doubted if the bible was true, or if God was real, or if Jesus was real.
Later I stopped going to church, forgot about God, sin, hell, and Jesus, and got on with my life. But, for some reason, a few years later I began to think about the matter of sin in my life & a lot of the things I had heard about the matter in church began to trouble me. I still wasn't sure if any of it was true, but I began to think that I might be wrong about the matter, and if so, then I could be facing a tragic future. The thought of going to hell was frightening, and that fear led to a life of misery for me that lasted for about 6 years.
During those miserable years I decided that I wanted to know the truth about God & the bible, so I began to go to the same Baptist church that I grew up attending, and pretended to be a Christian. Most everyone there knew me and they probably thought I was a Christian.
I talked to the pastor about "believing" telling him that I had some doubts, but never said anything about doubting the existence of God or the truth of the bible. I purchased some books from the church library; books about salvation. I read them many times trying to find something that would convince me that the bible is true and that God is real. I found that those books mostly just quoted the same scriptures that I had already heard as a kid, and I found nothing there to convince me that any of it was true. I also talked to our Sunday school teacher about the matter, but again he could not convince me that the bible is true.
I really wanted to "believe," and would try to work up a sense of "faith" and then say a prayer asking God to save me "in Jesus' name." But I was praying to a God who I wasn't sure existed, and I still did not understand how saying a prayer "in Jesus' name" saved anyone. I just did not get it.
I would try to make myself believe that the bible is true & that God is real, and that Jesus really "saves," but no matter how much I tried to make myself "believe" I just could not do it. The doubts & fear made my life miserable, but I kept it to myself and did not discuss any of it with my wife. By the way, my wife was not a believer either at that time.
I would say that the fear created by thinking that there was no way I could ever know if God was real or if the bible is true or if God heard my prayers is what drove me to search for the "truth" about the matter. And, one night I finally just "gave up" on myself, and out of a sense of desperation I called out to the God who I wasn't sure existed, asking him to show me how to believe in Him.
The next day I found the family bible, which was never opened or read, opened it to the book of John, and started reading. I need to explain that this was the first time I had ever opened a bible outside of church. In the past I had read in the book of John in Sunday school, but it did not mean anything to me then, but this time was different. As I read from the very first verse of chapter 1 of the book of John, I realized that something inside of me was showing me that I was reading the truth about Jesus. Today, 45 years later, I know that the Holy Spirit was giving me spiritual light that I needed, because I was in the darkness of unbelief, and that light grew brighter & brighter as I continued to read the words that told me about Jesus, about the spirit of truth, about who He is and about what He did for me. By the time I read through the 6th chapter I found my answer. The Holy Spirit turned on the light for me and "I got it." The Holy Spirit convinced me that the bible is the truth, that God is real, and that Jesus paid the penalty for my sin when He went to the cross; paid in full. After seeing that, I didn't have to try to make myself "believe," because God just convinced me of the truth of His way of saving me. Immediately the doubts & fears were gone and my troubled soul was overwhelmed with a sense of relief as the darkness of unbelief vanished under the brightness of the light of the truth I had just discovered. It was no longer about "me," not about anything "I" could do. God's answer was about "Jesus;" about His finished work on the cross for me. It was about Him; not about me. My confidence moved from "myself," from saying prayers, from walking the isle at church, from begging God, or from anything "I" could do to the finished work of Jesus on the cross.
Yes, I did say a prayer thanking Jesus for paying the penalty for my sins and asking Him to change my life. He did change my life that day, and he gave me peace. I still have that peace today; a peace that is impossible to explain to anyone who has never experienced it for themselves.
Regards,
ldonjohn
Later I stopped going to church, forgot about God, sin, hell, and Jesus, and got on with my life. But, for some reason, a few years later I began to think about the matter of sin in my life & a lot of the things I had heard about the matter in church began to trouble me. I still wasn't sure if any of it was true, but I began to think that I might be wrong about the matter, and if so, then I could be facing a tragic future. The thought of going to hell was frightening, and that fear led to a life of misery for me that lasted for about 6 years.
During those miserable years I decided that I wanted to know the truth about God & the bible, so I began to go to the same Baptist church that I grew up attending, and pretended to be a Christian. Most everyone there knew me and they probably thought I was a Christian.
I talked to the pastor about "believing" telling him that I had some doubts, but never said anything about doubting the existence of God or the truth of the bible. I purchased some books from the church library; books about salvation. I read them many times trying to find something that would convince me that the bible is true and that God is real. I found that those books mostly just quoted the same scriptures that I had already heard as a kid, and I found nothing there to convince me that any of it was true. I also talked to our Sunday school teacher about the matter, but again he could not convince me that the bible is true.
I really wanted to "believe," and would try to work up a sense of "faith" and then say a prayer asking God to save me "in Jesus' name." But I was praying to a God who I wasn't sure existed, and I still did not understand how saying a prayer "in Jesus' name" saved anyone. I just did not get it.
I would try to make myself believe that the bible is true & that God is real, and that Jesus really "saves," but no matter how much I tried to make myself "believe" I just could not do it. The doubts & fear made my life miserable, but I kept it to myself and did not discuss any of it with my wife. By the way, my wife was not a believer either at that time.
I would say that the fear created by thinking that there was no way I could ever know if God was real or if the bible is true or if God heard my prayers is what drove me to search for the "truth" about the matter. And, one night I finally just "gave up" on myself, and out of a sense of desperation I called out to the God who I wasn't sure existed, asking him to show me how to believe in Him.
The next day I found the family bible, which was never opened or read, opened it to the book of John, and started reading. I need to explain that this was the first time I had ever opened a bible outside of church. In the past I had read in the book of John in Sunday school, but it did not mean anything to me then, but this time was different. As I read from the very first verse of chapter 1 of the book of John, I realized that something inside of me was showing me that I was reading the truth about Jesus. Today, 45 years later, I know that the Holy Spirit was giving me spiritual light that I needed, because I was in the darkness of unbelief, and that light grew brighter & brighter as I continued to read the words that told me about Jesus, about the spirit of truth, about who He is and about what He did for me. By the time I read through the 6th chapter I found my answer. The Holy Spirit turned on the light for me and "I got it." The Holy Spirit convinced me that the bible is the truth, that God is real, and that Jesus paid the penalty for my sin when He went to the cross; paid in full. After seeing that, I didn't have to try to make myself "believe," because God just convinced me of the truth of His way of saving me. Immediately the doubts & fears were gone and my troubled soul was overwhelmed with a sense of relief as the darkness of unbelief vanished under the brightness of the light of the truth I had just discovered. It was no longer about "me," not about anything "I" could do. God's answer was about "Jesus;" about His finished work on the cross for me. It was about Him; not about me. My confidence moved from "myself," from saying prayers, from walking the isle at church, from begging God, or from anything "I" could do to the finished work of Jesus on the cross.
Yes, I did say a prayer thanking Jesus for paying the penalty for my sins and asking Him to change my life. He did change my life that day, and he gave me peace. I still have that peace today; a peace that is impossible to explain to anyone who has never experienced it for themselves.
Regards,
ldonjohn
