Overcoming insecurity?

bawbbert

Well-Known Member
How does one overcome insecurity, especially with the opposite sex? I am always told to be confident by 'wise' men and women, yet it doesn't do anything. How do you not become bitter? It is only by the grace of God that I have not sided with the incel, redpill or MGTOW movements. I have too many women friends yet, at the same time that's all that I am. While liking myself I wonder if God has just played a cruel joke on me by making me less, both temperamentally and physically than what even many church goers, let alone the world want me to be.
 

Tall Timbers

Imperfect but forgiven
What social outlets do you have that you're taking advantage of?

In Christ, we needn't be insecure.

It is only by the grace of God that I have not sided with the incel, redpill or MGTOW movements.

Defeatism?

I have too many women friends yet, at the same time that's all that I am.

Can you rephrase this sentence. I don't understand what you're saying and it might be important to your situation.

While liking myself I wonder if God has just played a cruel joke on me by making me less, both temperamentally and physically than what even many church goers, let alone the world want me to be.

Do you truly like yourself? Do you understand that you are wonderfully made from the hands of God Himself, made in His image? Is there some stereotype you admire that you can't fill? Who cares what the world wants you to be, that is of no importance.
 

LindaLove

Well-Known Member
I was raised by two of the most insecure parents that have ever lived. I don’t know why they were that way, because they are both very beautiful and very successful…but yeah way out there in being super insecure, overly sensitive and not at all confident. I can only guess it came from how they were raised or something that happened in their childhood. I spent over two decades wondering what was wrong with me until I started reading in this area and then it clicked and I no longer suffer with feeling inferior.

I’m trying to find this 1 book out of 50+ that really worked/clicked for me, but I can’t readily find it. It’s titled something generic like ‘overcoming being too sensitive’ or something like that. So you’ll need to know the author’s name, but that’s just the book that really made a difference to me. Maybe it will not be of value to you and another one would be better. I’ll still try to find it. Another one is “Raising a Secure Child” by Kent Hoffman, Glen Cooper and Bert Powell. It helps me to see how I should have/could have been raised and wasn’t and you can kind of reparent yourself at any age. It really comes down to changing your thought process, when wrong thinking seeps in you will be able to recognize it more quickly and shoot it down and say no to a certain way of thinking. It will make sense after reading thru many examples.

When I meet a man that isn’t secure, I just don’t want to have anything to do with that, because of my background and because for me it signals that they haven’t worked on themselves or worked thru something. That may or may not be true, but what that means to me is it’s my issue not theirs. Your upbringing, childhood experiences may not be what has caused your insecurity but it’s a place to start and if that doesn’t work at least you’ll gain a new perspective on why others are insecure, overly sensitive and lacking confidence.
 

Lovin Jesus

Well-Known Member
I was raised by two of the most insecure parents that have ever lived. I don’t know why they were that way, because they are both very beautiful and very successful…but yeah way out there in being super insecure, overly sensitive and not at all confident. I can only guess it came from how they were raised or something that happened in their childhood. I spent over two decades wondering what was wrong with me until I started reading in this area and then it clicked and I no longer suffer with feeling inferior.

I’m trying to find this 1 book out of 50+ that really worked/clicked for me, but I can’t readily find it. It’s titled something generic like ‘overcoming being too sensitive’ or something like that. So you’ll need to know the author’s name, but that’s just the book that really made a difference to me. Maybe it will not be of value to you and another one would be better. I’ll still try to find it. Another one is “Raising a Secure Child” by Kent Hoffman, Glen Cooper and Bert Powell. It helps me to see how I should have/could have been raised and wasn’t and you can kind of reparent yourself at any age. It really comes down to changing your thought process, when wrong thinking seeps in you will be able to recognize it more quickly and shoot it down and say no to a certain way of thinking. It will make sense after reading thru many examples.

When I meet a man that isn’t secure, I just don’t want to have anything to do with that, because of my background and because for me it signals that they haven’t worked on themselves or worked thru something. That may or may not be true, but what that means to me is it’s my issue not theirs. Your upbringing, childhood experiences may not be what has caused your insecurity but it’s a place to start and if that doesn’t work at least you’ll gain a new perspective on why others are insecure, overly sensitive and lacking confidence.

“I’m trying to find this 1 book out of 50+ that really worked/clicked for me, but I can’t readily find it.”

The Book you can’t find is within reach. The Bible
 

Lovin Jesus

Well-Known Member
What social outlets do you have that you're taking advantage of?

In Christ, we needn't be insecure.



Defeatism?



Can you rephrase this sentence. I don't understand what you're saying and it might be important to your situation.



Do you truly like yourself? Do you understand that you are wonderfully made from the hands of God Himself, made in His image? Is there some stereotype you admire that you can't fill? Who cares what the world wants you to be, that is of no importance.
I love your advice TT. God is the only answer.
 

LindaLove

Well-Known Member
“I’m trying to find this 1 book out of 50+ that really worked/clicked for me, but I can’t readily find it.”

The Book you can’t find is within reach. The Bible
Being a Christian in a Christian forum, I would think that the requester already knows that the Bible is our first source, so I assumed the person already knows that and was reaching out for some additional resources.
 

Everlasting Life

Through Faith in Jesus
While liking myself I wonder if God has just played a cruel joke on me by making me less, both temperamentally and physically than what even many church goers, let alone the world want me to be.

Hi bawbbert, I'm sorry that you are struggling with this. It sounds like you are a man who is seeking to follow God and if I may say, that is one of the most valuable traits to have. It really is. That's not just a frivolous comment on my part.

As I was reading this sentence of yours I was struck that a follower of Christ would not want to necessarily seek to be what church goers and the especially the world would want but rather as you are in the Word of God, seek to be more and more what God Himself would want or is possibly now growing you in by His Holy Spirit's power. :) In God's eyes you are important, valuable and loved. Remember, where the world and others may see you as less than, God may see someone He can use in wonderful ways in His plans and will.

I know it's tempting to blame God but often times in these challenges God is actually seeking to grow us for good, for us and others. It can be hard in the midst of a frustrating situation to remember that. I've had my own moments to remember this myself.

The thought has come to me that maybe it would be good to seek out a good spiritual mentor, a married man or men in your church of whom maybe you could do some bible studies with and/or serve in some capacity with at your church while you are waiting for God to bring the right woman to you. Perhaps this will help with some of these things you are wrestling with.

I'm sure you are praying and trying to wait patiently for the right woman (I know it's hard to be patient). I have found that when I'm waiting for God and find myself being impatient that I've used those moments to instead choose to trust God and pray that to God as well, thanking Him for what He's doing and about to do.

I remember being so disappointed about not getting a house we were seeking to buy. Someone had gotten ahead of us in an offer. I was pretty down about it. But, I was honest with God that I felt disappointed and also prayed that I knew He would provide a place He knew was the best place in His time. And I yielded to His will (sometimes I have to ask for His help to do this). Then I patiently waited, continuing to trust that God would provide.

About a week later we received a phone call from the person's realtor who'd put an offer down ahead of us telling us that she was 'crazy' and the house was now available for another offer, to which he decided to give us first dibs! Now that was an unexpected turn of events and before we knew it, we were moving into the home we really wanted. It has turned out to be just right for us in so many ways and God was gracious, in time (for us over a year in looking, waiting and dealing with very difficult neighbors of our previous home) provided.

But during that time that we were waiting, our faith grew as we chose to continue to trust God and even more when God finally provided. I think this was what God was really trying to do for us along with providing a good home.

I would encourage you to read about Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, even David and how they patiently waited in difficult circumstances for God to work and how God did see their circumstances and their hardships but worked in such a way as to bring about spiritual maturity and character in these men, imperfect as they were. :)

:pray ing for you.

:pray
 

Coram Deo777

Well-Known Member
I'm a Christian woman and a mother who can only give you my thoughts from a woman's perspective. When I pray for my Son, who himself is insecure with women and has never really dated except that he took a young lady out last year, when I pray for him, I want more than anything for him to cultivate his relationship with Christ first! One does not start at the top of a ladder but at the bottom. God in Genesis brought Eve to Adam. God knows and our confidence and security is established in our relationship with Christ first!
 
Top