Neighbor boundaries, advice ....

Amethyst

Angie ... †
I try to be polite with my older male neighbor. But if I am too conversational with him I believe he takes this as a signal to come into my yard and proceed to give unsolicited advice on how to mow the lawn or how many flowers I should probably put in my yard, etc. When I keep my responses to a bare minimum, and try to act too busy to chat, he stays away for a long time and minds his own business. Its like he gets the hint that I am not interested in his unwanted advice or know it all attitude.

He claims to already be a Christian.

My question is, is it okay that I have set this boundary with him or does God expect me to keep up conversation with him in the name of love. I dont know but I would rather avoid him altogether. Just so that I dont have to deal with the anxiety of being in my own yard worried he is going to come over and monopolize everything. :hairout
 

athenasius

Well-Known Member
YES it's ok to set that boundary with him. He has a problem with boundaries if he is coming over giving advice. While that is well meant it is intrusive and unwanted.

You are giving the correct signal that you aren't interested in that and he should MYOB.

Just because he is a Christian or says he is, doesn't mean you have to be close to him to love him as a brother at an appropriate distance. You are a single female Christian sister, and he should honour your boundaries. If he does not, it's actually an act of love to insist on appropriate boundaries as you have done.

Because then he gets the point and doesn't intrude.

Not every Christian man is safe to be around or give inappropriate "loving christian" signals to. They may be misinterpreted. Best to maintain a cordial distance and get chilly if he starts to get too close.

Other men can give good companionship and advice as needed. For loving Christian relationships his pastor and men friends in his church groups should suffice.

Bottom line, YOU ARE RIGHT TO BE A BIT STAND OFFISH Amethyst. Save a heap of trouble down the road. Because one day it's flowerbeds and tomorrow he might have other ideas.
 

Wally

Choose your words carefully...
Things to establish boundries that discourage an annoying neighbor:

Become a Phillies [ or Pirates] fan - depending which side of PA you live on
Work on turbocharged lawn mowers late at night
Build an air pistol range in the back yard and use it.
Post signs: Danger PitBull; Cattle fence; Claymore mines; Dog doo.....
Play K-Pop music or German Opera. You may need to change venue based on his response.

Have friends with US Govt plates park in front of your house.

I do find SOUND Bible discussions can chase away JWs but you need to be mature and grounded in the Word. They have some very good salesmen.
 
I try to be polite with my older male neighbor. But if I am too conversational with him I believe he takes this as a signal to come into my yard and proceed to give unsolicited advice on how to mow the lawn or how many flowers I should probably put in my yard, etc. When I keep my responses to a bare minimum, and try to act too busy to chat, he stays away for a long time and minds his own business. Its like he gets the hint that I am not interested in his unwanted advice or know it all attitude.

He claims to already be a Christian.

My question is, is it okay that I have set this boundary with him or does God expect me to keep up conversation with him in the name of love. I dont know but I would rather avoid him altogether. Just so that I dont have to deal with the anxiety of being in my own yard worried he is going to come over and monopolize everything. :hairout
Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour's house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee - Pr 25:17
 

ChrisT

Well-Known Member
I try to be polite with my older male neighbor. But if I am too conversational with him I believe he takes this as a signal to come into my yard and proceed to give unsolicited advice on how to mow the lawn or how many flowers I should probably put in my yard, etc. When I keep my responses to a bare minimum, and try to act too busy to chat, he stays away for a long time and minds his own business. Its like he gets the hint that I am not interested in his unwanted advice or know it all attitude.

He claims to already be a Christian.

My question is, is it okay that I have set this boundary with him or does God expect me to keep up conversation with him in the name of love. I dont know but I would rather avoid him altogether. Just so that I dont have to deal with the anxiety of being in my own yard worried he is going to come over and monopolize everything. :hairout

You kind-hearted, sweet summer child lol.

Unsolicited advice is the junk mail of life and, in general, I think God implores us to put a strong filter on what penetrates our mind and spirit. Tell me, sister, if this dude strolled into your yard and started giving you advice on morality--say he was pro-abortion--how long would you entertain that? And, given he seems to be offering you unsolicited advice on rather trivial, worldly things, aside from your choice of flowers for your yard not being an existential or moral issue (I think....lol), I don't see it being much different. You're allowed to tell people to keep their opinions to themselves and in this context you don't have to worry about it being well-intentioned correction in matters of faith ha.

Honestly, this just reminds me of an old, nosey Italian nonno who is obsessed with a green lawn and doesn't know how to communicate with people other than telling you the best methods he's found to get that luxurious emerald turf :mowing. Endearing in their own obnoxious way :lol. Wouldn't read too much into it though, unless he's being a real turnip.
 
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