Need advice on "trans" grandchild...

Greenfirefly

New Member
My granddaughter is 12 years old. Her mother (not a Christian) and I have been semi-estranged for two years due to arguments about politics. This last year, my granddaughter has cut off her long hair, starting dressing like a boy, and taken a boy's name. Her mother calls her by the male name, and uses "they" and "them" pronouns for her. I have searched out advice from an older family member, but she has no experience with this kind of thing. I am an introvert, and my first inclination is to avoid the situation and wait for it to {hopefully} eventually blow over, but who knows how long that would take? Does anyone here have experience with this? And how did you handle it in the most Biblical way? Thank you in advance.
 

mphsmom

Well-Known Member
I don't have experience with "trans" for a family member, but one of my daughter's good friends (a girl) thinks she is a pansexual boy. I have known her for years, and she knows I am a born again Christian. I refuse to call her by her boy name, and I treat her like the girl she is. My daughter gets upset when I do this, but the funny thing is, her friend doesn't mind and accepts me doing it. She knows I pray for her, and I think that helps, because she does not come from a good family dynamic.
Right now, the best advice I can give you is to pray, and treat her like the girl she is with love.
 

SarahRose

Well-Known Member
I'm sorry you are going through this, Greenfirefly. That's a really tough situation. I can't offer much, except maybe for the pronoun thing. One of my male family members is engaged to a girl who claims she is non-binary and wants people to refer to her as they/them. But as a Christian, I feel like I'm lying when I refer to this young lady, who is obviously a biological female, as a "they" or "them." So my solution has been to only use her name when referring to her and avoid the pronouns altogether.

Personally, I don't know if there is much we can do as family members in the LGBTQ lifestyle other than pray that they see the truth, and be honest with them when they have questions. The best thing we can do is help point them to Jesus -- the rest will follow if they decide to follow Him.

Praying for you and your family.
 

Everlasting Life

Through Faith in Jesus
My granddaughter is 12 years old. Her mother (not a Christian) and I have been semi-estranged for two years due to arguments about politics. This last year, my granddaughter has cut off her long hair, starting dressing like a boy, and taken a boy's name. Her mother calls her by the male name, and uses "they" and "them" pronouns for her. I have searched out advice from an older family member, but she has no experience with this kind of thing. I am an introvert, and my first inclination is to avoid the situation and wait for it to {hopefully} eventually blow over, but who knows how long that would take? Does anyone here have experience with this? And how did you handle it in the most Biblical way? Thank you in advance.

This subject has come up with my kiddos as they report various things going on in their sphere. In turn I've found myself doing a bit of research. Part of this is a peer pressure, 'popular' thing of the day to do and eventually it's cast off when it's realized this is not really what is wanted in their lives.

Those who do persist have had, most likely some sort of interruption to the natural process of coming to terms with the gender that you are and become more aware of around middle school/early high school. It's normal for teens to sometimes wish they were a different gender for one reason or another, but unfortunately our society is keying off of this and unnaturally pushing young people down a path that's not a healthy response to this process. Often times there's some sort of trauma that can be connected which can interrupt this natural process (and usually good counseling to deal with the trauma has been very beneficial....as the desire to be a different gender can be one born out of a protective desire in response to whatever the trauma was and is a symptom of the trauma) and then of course society or peer pressure is pushing in this direction. There can be abuse of some sort, or a lack of acceptance with peers driving a teen to not so good influences out of desperate loneliness and then paths begin to emerge.

This is a very short explanation that certainly doesn't address every nuance or case but this is what I've pulled from the research that I've thus far found (there's also some helpful info I've shared here at RF if you do a search for transgender).

Of course praying is your first course of action and enlisting prayer support with you. And then seek the Lord's guidance on how you can be a presence in this young person's life, just to listen, love, spend time with that allows for conversations to naturally open up. Perhaps plan some fun things together and develop relationship. This is key. Your relationship can have a real impact (although the Lord's work is His alone in regards to salvation and changing the heart....you just may be an avenue of His Grace to soften hearts). You may be a sounding board for this person to feel comfortable and free enough to just share what's on their hearts, and perhaps what kind of pain is possibly fueling this.

It's tempting to panic but God's in control, He's here and He's got a plan (this didn't take Him by surprise)....it may be short term or long term but He's got one. And you are in a very key place to be used by Him in that plan, whether to simply pray or to go as the Lord clearly guides according to His will. :)

:hug


:pray
 

GotGrace

Well-Known Member
My granddaughter is 12 years old. Her mother (not a Christian) and I have been semi-estranged for two years due to arguments about politics. This last year, my granddaughter has cut off her long hair, starting dressing like a boy, and taken a boy's name. Her mother calls her by the male name, and uses "they" and "them" pronouns for her. I have searched out advice from an older family member, but she has no experience with this kind of thing. I am an introvert, and my first inclination is to avoid the situation and wait for it to {hopefully} eventually blow over, but who knows how long that would take? Does anyone here have experience with this? And how did you handle it in the most Biblical way? Thank you in advance.
Bless your heart for seeking Christian advice. Unfortunately, I don’t have a clue about this, and it makes me so angry that the enemy of our souls has brought all this to our lives. I frankly don’t understand the pronouns or being non-binary.

I believe this is another attempt to destroy the nuclear family.
 

daygo

Well-Known Member
I don't have experience with "trans" for a family member, but one of my daughter's good friends (a girl) thinks she is a pansexual boy. I have known her for years, and she knows I am a born again Christian. I refuse to call her by her boy name, and I treat her like the girl she is. My daughter gets upset when I do this, but the funny thing is, her friend doesn't mind and accepts me doing it. She knows I pray for her, and I think that helps, because she does not come from a good family dynamic.
Right now, the best advice I can give you is to pray, and treat her like the girl she is with love.
Brilliant, well done.
 

cheeky200386

Well-Known Member
The only experiences I have so far are with my sister's wedding a few years back and Mike's sister. My brother in law's sister is a lesbian and was dating a women who wanted to be a man. I decided to be proactive of the possible interactions the wedding might involve with this person. I called my sister and told her I'm excited for her wedding but she needed to know how I would not be referring to that women as a male but as a women. I let my sister know that I want her to know early in case that means she needs to reconsider inviting me to her wedding.

My sister and I got into a debate about the morality of affirming a trans person's delusions. We didn't change each other's minds but she knew my faith was my foundation in my choices. I care too much about the sorrow these people face to lie to them when they really need help learning how to accept who they are.

My sister said she'd have to think about it. She ultimately eloped during COVID and never had a wedding celebration.

The other situation is with my husband's sister. She got divorced and started dating a woman who is taking hormones to become a "man". Mike and I are both on the same page and ready to have the conversation with his sister about us not affirming her girlfriend's delusions. It hasn't come up yet because Mike is not very close to his sister to begin with. They're half siblings and only reconnected a few years ago. His sister's lesbian nightlife lifestyle doesn't leave much in commong for a bond to grow.

I'm sorry you're facing this so I will pray for God to give you the wisdom you need in this. I need to pray more for these people too.
 

Wally

Choose your words carefully...
A couple thoughts as our grandkids suffer through the public school system....

We are not to lie. We need to call each other what we ARE. That is honest and loving.

If someone wants to change their name, ok, it may be for the better, or it may be sad. We can resect people going through issues.
It may afford discussion and pursuing the why of the change. I typically can address people how they want to be addressed - name wise,
However, I'll call them what they are.

Envy, the grass is greener... I sense all of us face it to some degree.
Being a young man, I thought girls had it easier. Yea that was naïve, but ignorance is often the root of envy.

I suspect some come to a point where they hate themselves and change is deemed the best escape.
There is also pride where regardless of what influence a person has suffered, they rebel against their own body and God, blaming Him for their problems.

Of course satan soft-sells answers that typically lead to more pain or apathy.


Often the root problem is people feel lonely, valueless, hopeless, or worse,
the only people who have shown them affection or human love have been villains and abusers.
So they want to be something/someone else approved by those same people.

Talk to individuals. Show them you care, and pray they can see they don't have to be someone else.
Ask God for guidance and be prepared to love regardless.
 

Everlasting Life

Through Faith in Jesus
We are not to lie. We need to call each other what we ARE. That is honest and loving.

Yes, it may be the only truth they are exposed to in a world of "this is great!"


Talk to individuals. Show them you care, and pray they can see they don't have to be someone else.
Ask God for guidance and be prepared to love regardless.

Great advice and post. :nod
 

yrrek

Well-Known Member
My advice would be not to run but show your granddaughter love. You don’t have to play along with this but honestly… propounds and names are just words. If you ignored that and build up a relationship with her… you could gain trust and influence. Pray for her all the time. Pray with her and maybe God will give you an opportunity to reach both of them.
 

cheeky200386

Well-Known Member
My advice would be not to run but show your granddaughter love. You don’t have to play along with this but honestly… propounds and names are just words. If you ignored that and build up a relationship with her… you could gain trust and influence. Pray for her all the time. Pray with her and maybe God will give you an opportunity to reach both of them.
Pronouns describe a reality. Calling a man a she is a lie and stating he is a woman. We need to draw a strong consistent line. This level of compromise has got us here.
 

ChrisT

Well-Known Member
I pray for you and your family, Firefly, I have no idea what it is like to have someone so close to you go through that.

Being honest, I have given it some thought and without being sensational or uncaring, I think the transgender issue is the straw that will break the proverbial camel's back. Because of the visible nature of transgenderism, the difference with respect to all (most?) of the other hot button political/moral topic--homosexuality, abortion etc.--is that it involves participation and compelled thought/speech. For example, somebody can hypothetically pursue an abortion and keep it entirely private even from their most intimate relationships. Transgender people go through visible changes and expect you to call them by their "chosen name and gender pronouns." Even the most passive person is forced to be confrontational because it's expected casual interactions observe/placate their unhealthy delusions.

Jesus was perfectly (obviously...ha) wise, but also quite witty when avoiding pharisaical entrapment. The closest to compelled speech I remember off the top of my head was the Roman guards trying to goad him with caesar's face on their coinage, but....I don't know how to apply that. Jesus didn't get into a grand political debate about the Roman Empire, he basically just dropped the mic after a one-liner of Holy truth. Maybe there are better examples with the Pharisees.
 

yrrek

Well-Known Member
Pronouns describe a reality. Calling a man a she is a lie and stating he is a woman. We need to draw a strong consistent line. This level of compromise has got us here.
I wasn’t saying to compromise. I guess I should have worded it differently. My thoughts were that the granddaughter would have to learn that pronouns are just words and it doesn’t change her gender. But I would still ignore all this and build a relationship with her. Not having a strong relationship and just telling her of the sins will not bring her out of it. But, if she has a strong relationship with her, she will have a foundation to point out the truth. The grandma doesn’t have to play along. She just has to be kind and real. It would be up to them whether they want it to be a wall between them.
 
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