My Story, by Firefly

Firefly

Active Member
My Story

When I was in college, drinking and seeking pleasure in various ways, I thought I had God figured out. I had prayed the “sinner’s prayer” when I was 9, and grew up going to church every Sunday. I had been in the Pioneer Girls, and attended a Christian summer camp in middle school. I was a good person, or so I thought, because I grew up knowing that “Jesus died on the cross for my sins”, and I didn’t really do anything that bad; surely God would let me into heaven.

After college I ended up with a man, lived together, got pregnant, then got married. Needless to say, I wasn't going to church and had walked away from God. Then bigger problems started, one of which was that I was in an abusive relationship. I started going back to a church. God's timing was perfect - the Sunday I went back to church on my own for the first time after a car accident, the sermon was on the Prodigal Son. I cried the whole time, because I realized that God was telling me that He loves me. I started listening to sermons on Christian radio, and because of my commute, I heard 4 sermons a day! There were days when I would think of a question about the Bible I had when I was a teen, and then the next day a sermon would answer that question. God was talking to me through the radio! I re-said the sinner’s prayer, almost shedding tears, but still not broken and repentant over my sin. Even through all of this, I thought I was ok with God. But…

After separation and pending divorce, I realized that I was doing some sinful things that I really should not be doing; I knew God didn’t like it, and that Jesus died for those sins. But I wasn’t sad about sinning, and wondered why.

At the same time, I was wondering how to talk to and love an invisible God. I started reading the Bible, trying to understand God (I was seeking God). I talked to God and told Him that I didn’t know how to love Him. I got to a point when I realized that I had no hope in the world, and was faced with some pretty scary future consequences for my past choices. You see, I was at the end of relying on myself.

I got on my knees at home one night and told God that I surrendered my life, everything, to Him, and whatever consequences came, I didn’t care as long as He was with me. I gave the Lord complete control over my life. No one was with me, and I just said it in my own words. I didn’t expect anything to happen, because I had said other prayers that didn’t seem to change anything. But this one did.

After praying, I became aware of how bad my sins were. I also was keenly aware of just how great my pride was, and how it had blinded me for so long. I felt so very sorry for everything I had done wrong, and I was sad because the wrong had been done against God. I fell weeping to the floor. I was confessing my sins, when the love of God overwhelmed me, and I felt the guilt and sadness be replaced with joy and love. The love of God washed over me. Forgiveness – I was forgiven because of Jesus’ death, and I knew it was real. The love of God that night broke some habits that I couldn’t break for 20+ years. My life was changed. I couldn’t get enough of reading the Bible. I wanted to keep sin out of my life. And, I knew for the first time that I was changed. I knew then, and know now, 100% sure, that I am going to heaven when I die.

- Firefly
 

Lynn

Well-Known Member
The interactions with God in your testimony are almost identical to my own. I grew up in church like you did & prayed prayers as a child. Not until I was in my late 30's did I really 'see' my sin after reading about the Israelites in the OT. Born again at age 38. Everything changed for sure. Can't wait to see Him face to face.
 

newstate

Well-Known Member
Thank you God for what you did for Firefly! Thank you for what you did also
for all the rest of us saved, because we did not deserve it.
 
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