My Story, by Firefly

Firefly

Active Member
My Story

When I was in college, drinking and seeking pleasure in various ways, I thought I had God figured out. I had prayed the “sinner’s prayer” when I was 9, and grew up going to church every Sunday. I had been in the Pioneer Girls, and attended a Christian summer camp in middle school. I was a good person, or so I thought, because I grew up knowing that “Jesus died on the cross for my sins”, and I didn’t really do anything that bad; surely God would let me into heaven.

After college I ended up with a man, lived together, got pregnant, then got married. Needless to say, I wasn't going to church and had walked away from God. Then bigger problems started, one of which was that I was in an abusive relationship. I started going back to a church. God's timing was perfect - the Sunday I went back to church on my own for the first time after a car accident, the sermon was on the Prodigal Son. I cried the whole time, because I realized that God was telling me that He loves me. I started listening to sermons on Christian radio, and because of my commute, I heard 4 sermons a day! There were days when I would think of a question about the Bible I had when I was a teen, and then the next day a sermon would answer that question. God was talking to me through the radio! I re-said the sinner’s prayer, almost shedding tears, but still not broken and repentant over my sin. Even through all of this, I thought I was ok with God. But…

After separation and pending divorce, I realized that I was doing some sinful things that I really should not be doing; I knew God didn’t like it, and that Jesus died for those sins. But I wasn’t sad about sinning, and wondered why.

At the same time, I was wondering how to talk to and love an invisible God. I started reading the Bible, trying to understand God (I was seeking God). I talked to God and told Him that I didn’t know how to love Him. I got to a point when I realized that I had no hope in the world, and was faced with some pretty scary future consequences for my past choices. You see, I was at the end of relying on myself.

I got on my knees at home one night and told God that I surrendered my life, everything, to Him, and whatever consequences came, I didn’t care as long as He was with me. I gave the Lord complete control over my life. No one was with me, and I just said it in my own words. I didn’t expect anything to happen, because I had said other prayers that didn’t seem to change anything. But this one did.

After praying, I became aware of how bad my sins were. I also was keenly aware of just how great my pride was, and how it had blinded me for so long. I felt so very sorry for everything I had done wrong, and I was sad because the wrong had been done against God. I fell weeping to the floor. I was confessing my sins, when the love of God overwhelmed me, and I felt the guilt and sadness be replaced with joy and love. The love of God washed over me. Forgiveness – I was forgiven because of Jesus’ death, and I knew it was real. The love of God that night broke some habits that I couldn’t break for 20+ years. My life was changed. I couldn’t get enough of reading the Bible. I wanted to keep sin out of my life. And, I knew for the first time that I was changed. I knew then, and know now, 100% sure, that I am going to heaven when I die.

- Firefly
 

Lynn

Well-Known Member
The interactions with God in your testimony are almost identical to my own. I grew up in church like you did & prayed prayers as a child. Not until I was in my late 30's did I really 'see' my sin after reading about the Israelites in the OT. Born again at age 38. Everything changed for sure. Can't wait to see Him face to face.
 
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