I am so sorry for your loss! I lost two guinea pigs last year within less than 8 months of each other. They were both old for piggies at 6 and 7. I still cry every once in a while. I did beat myself up some over it, thinking that if only I'd done more, if only I had taken the 7 yo to the vet sooner, if only I'd gotten the 6yo a probiotic sooner. It's normal to feel how you are feeling. It hurt, especially at the beginning. They were quite spoiled and very much loved. One was my therapy pet sort of. If I was sad, anxious, whatever, I would get her and talk to her, telling her all about it, getting my tears on her at times. She would just sit and listen, putting her head under my chin. A time or two she reached up and licked my chin, like she was telling me it was going to be ok. She was the sweetest little lady. I have three more now and one of them is my sounding board. Not sure how she feels about it. She'll snuggle and listen and has given me kisses, trying to make me feel better. Pets really do become family and at times show more love than people do. They have a special place in your heart. I hope to have all the pets I've ever had in Heaven with me.