Miscellaneous jokes to start 2019 laughing

Kaatje

Well-Known Member
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.


Q. What is the color of the wind?
A. Blew.


Innkeeper: "The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you make your own bed."
Guest: "I'll make my own bed."
Innkeeper: "Good. I'll get you some nails and wood."


Brunette: "Where were you born?"
Blonde: "California."
Brunette: "Which part?"
Blonde: "All of me."


Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in. It's cold outside.
 

tinyprayers

Well-Known Member
Speed Trap

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, "this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies — two in the front seat and three in the back — wide-eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, ‘Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?’

‘Ma’am,’ the officer replies, ‘you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.’

'Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly … 22 miles an hour!’ the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

‘But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,’ the officer asks.

‘Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute, Officer. We just got off Route 119.’
 

chaser

Well-Known Member
Speed Trap

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, "this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies — two in the front seat and three in the back — wide-eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, ‘Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?’

‘Ma’am,’ the officer replies, ‘you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.’

'Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly … 22 miles an hour!’ the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

‘But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,’ the officer asks.

‘Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute, Officer. We just got off Route 119.’
:lol:monkeydance
 

Brother Albert R.

Well-Known Member
Speed Trap

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, "this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies — two in the front seat and three in the back — wide-eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, ‘Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?’

‘Ma’am,’ the officer replies, ‘you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.’

'Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly … 22 miles an hour!’ the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

‘But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,’ the officer asks.

‘Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute, Officer. We just got off Route 119.’
Oh I get it...they were going 119 miles an hour:suprized just before they slowed down to 22 miles an hour. It takes time but I eventually figure things out. :hehee
Brother ALbert
 

bap

Well-Known Member
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.


Q. What is the color of the wind?
A. Blew.


Innkeeper: "The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you make your own bed."
Guest: "I'll make my own bed."
Innkeeper: "Good. I'll get you some nails and wood."


Brunette: "Where were you born?"
Blonde: "California."
Brunette: "Which part?"
Blonde: "All of me."


Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in. It's cold outside.
These r soo GOOD
&
sooo needed by me. Thanks 4 posting 2 lift my spirits with smiles.
 
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