Love thy neighbor as yourself

GHoe

Well-Known Member
Today is 2 weeks removed from my step mom and I getting into a verbal altercation. It isn't a new thing for us to disagree and be at odds unfortunately, but things had been going quite well.

During the conversation in question, she was telling me some things about my ex wife she had learned a few weeks prior while at dinner with a friend she refused to name. One item imparticular, I didn't think was true. I diplomatically said, well at this time, I'm choosing not to believe that.

She became upset. You could here her tone change as she gave a fine then retort. This caused me to say, I'm not calling you a liar but.. because she waa early mad.

Although it was clear she had received the information from someone else and was passing it on, she became very mad and accused me of calling her a liar. (I could expand further but that's the jist of it).

We ended up hanging up and hadn't talked for bit over a week. My dad asked me if I had called my mom. I told him I was over it if she was and we could move on or does she need an apology ? Dad said, she needs an apology. I was kind of floored but not surprised. At that moment I told him well she's not getting one and we left it at that.

In my heart I know I didn't call her a liar and the reason I even said, I'm not calling you a liar, but... was because she got upset in my eyes that I didn't take her sources story as the gospel, not to be questioned.

So.. today I listened to a 1 John 1 study, he got to verse 7 and headed into loving thy neighbor. As he summed up his study of the verse he said that evidence of our love and relationship with Christ is our relationship with others in the body of Christ. I meditated on that for a bit and decided to reach out to mom.

My flesh told me she didn't deserve it. I had to deny myself. But I reached out with the following :

"I'd love to be able to articulate to you how feel I didn't call you a liar. And part of that desire is a knowing that my pride wants vindication. To be right. That's a problem, not unique to just myself but all hearts as Jeremiah 17:9 reads.

We are wired and communicate differently. We are not the same and that is hard to deal with sometimes.. But also a blessing. If we are to believe that trials and sufferings are in fact praise worthy and we are to glory in them (Romans 5:3).

I feel it makes us realize aspects in our lives God wants us to acknowledge and confront. God put us in each others lives for a reason. For his glory.

If I don't apologize for the feelings and hurt I made you feel then I'm not reflecting my relationship with God and denying His work and power in my life.

I am sorry for any hurt I've caused you. Chase and I love you."


I didn't exactly care for her response but I wasn't surprised either. I had to make a concerted effort not to type out and send back the response that was jogging through my mind. So I just let it be. My job was done.

I found myself a little emotional as I typed it out. I felt close to God and moved by the Holy Spirit. I felt it was evidence of my relationship with Jesus as the pastor described in his sermon and I know apart from God, I would not have reached out to "love my neighor as myself".

Hopefully this helps someone on the fence about making a phone, sending a text or having a conversation and that is affecting their walk with Jesus.
 

twerpv

Well-Known Member
Apologies are tough. Personally, I don’t think one should apologize for something they shouldn’t apologize for just to placate someone else. Of course we can always take a stand that we shouldn’t apologize for but certainly apologize for ‘how’ we handled it.

I’ll share something I learned going through Christian study of parenting and being married. Saying ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘I apologize’ keeps the power and onus to ourselves. That’s a BIG difference from saying, “will you forgive me?”
It is much more humbling and puts one in a position of submission to the one we are asking. It gives up possession of ‘it’ and we are at the mercy of the one we are asking. For me it’s much harder, especially when asking someone who needs to so as well but does not.
 

GHoe

Well-Known Member
Apologies are tough. Personally, I don’t think one should apologize for something they shouldn’t apologize for just to placate someone else. Of course we can always take a stand that we shouldn’t apologize for but certainly apologize for ‘how’ we handled it.

I’ll share something I learned going through Christian study of parenting and being married. Saying ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘I apologize’ keeps the power and onus to ourselves. That’s a BIG difference from saying, “will you forgive me?”
It is much more humbling and puts one in a position of submission to the one we are asking. It gives up possession of ‘it’ and we are at the mercy of the one we are asking. For me it’s much harder, especially when asking someone who needs to so as well but does not.
Yeah.. I didn't think it was deserved because in my heart I knew I didn't call her a liar. But the desire for peace was greater, especially with my son and family Holidays coming up (sisters and fam from WY and OH coming for Christmas). And also for my dad who has really given up a lot for me and my sister raising us after a mom bailed on us early on. (Then 4-5, now 41)

I'll say this, if I knew I was guilty l really wronged my step mom, I might have asked for forgiveness. I think it is clear the humility it takes to ask vs state.

At the end of the day though, I said sorry to be obedient to God and make mine and His relationahip whole, not so much to pacify my step mom. I could easily justify in my flesh why she didn't deserve it, but then I have to face my reality that I don't deserve my salvation and that's where I have a problem.

It's hard to remove what's deserved from equations. When I can (not always) I find melyself acting much more compassionately, but it's always at the direct conflict of my pride (at least up to the moment).
 
Top