Salluz
Aspiring Man of God
What does it look like practically for a wife to submit to her husband like the Church submits to Christ and a husband to love his wife like Christ loves the Church?
Maybe with examples?
Maybe with examples?
Love/Submission in Marriage
- Thread starter Salluz
- Start date
cheeky200386
Well-Known Member
I can only share from a wife's perspective as a wife myself. I've struggled with this but it's meant that I follow my husband's lead on all decisions we make in our lives. When I disagree, I express my concerns respectfully and then go and pray to God for his help to lead my husband and helpe trust God. It requires that I regularly ask God to help me be gracious with my husband when he makes bad decisions.
Examples of submission include my husband deciding where we live, how we spend money. We often make decisions together but we go with his decision if we disagree. I ask his opinion on personal issues too.
It isn't easy especially if your husband isn't saved, but it has been a blessing In my marriage because he has softened to Christ in the past 4 years of my salvation.
Another example is my friend whose lost husband didn't like how she dressed to church. Out of respect and to submit she dressed in a way that he was comfortable with.
Examples of submission include my husband deciding where we live, how we spend money. We often make decisions together but we go with his decision if we disagree. I ask his opinion on personal issues too.
It isn't easy especially if your husband isn't saved, but it has been a blessing In my marriage because he has softened to Christ in the past 4 years of my salvation.
Another example is my friend whose lost husband didn't like how she dressed to church. Out of respect and to submit she dressed in a way that he was comfortable with.
JoyJoyJoy
I Shall Not Be Moved
I am talking about my marriage. We are extremely thankful to God for each other and love each other deeply.
Decisions......most decisions are made together. But we each have autonomy....we don't need to check with each other about every little thing.
He leads us in prayer. He works and I stay home (disability....I use to work). We have traditional roles...I cook and keep house.
I try to do all that I can to support him and make his life easier.
I do believe that he would lay down his life for me. He protects me, indulges me, says sweet things....etc... I am going to have to think on this some more to give you a better answer.
Decisions......most decisions are made together. But we each have autonomy....we don't need to check with each other about every little thing.
He leads us in prayer. He works and I stay home (disability....I use to work). We have traditional roles...I cook and keep house.
I try to do all that I can to support him and make his life easier.
I do believe that he would lay down his life for me. He protects me, indulges me, says sweet things....etc... I am going to have to think on this some more to give you a better answer.
Goodboy
Won't Be Long Now!
Here are some things I wrote on the subject.
https://www.raptureforums.com/forums/threads/wives-submit-to-your-husbands.143523/
https://www.raptureforums.com/forums/threads/husbands-love-your-wives.143522/
The bottom line is the submission of the wife should it oppose what it is they desire, should only apply to important decision regarding what's best for the family. On almost all minor decisions, assuming the husband loves his wife like Christ loves the church, should be made in favor of the wife.
The wife want's to go dancing. The husband wants to go to a ball game. Where should they end up? Dancing the night away!
JoyJoyJoy
I Shall Not Be Moved
One sermon that our Pastor gave.....we are dead to ourselves. He kinda laid it on the men a bit....he said..if you want a new truck and your wife wants a new car...she gets a new car....because a man who is dead does not need a new truck.Here are some things I wrote on the subject.
https://www.raptureforums.com/forums/threads/wives-submit-to-your-husbands.143523/
https://www.raptureforums.com/forums/threads/husbands-love-your-wives.143522/
The bottom line is the submission of the wife should it oppose what it is they desire, should only apply to important decision regarding what's best for the family. On almost all minor decisions, assuming the husband loves his wife like Christ loves the church, should be made in favor of the wife.
The wife want's to go dancing. The husband wants to go to a ball game. Where should they end up? Dancing the night away!
Goodboy
Won't Be Long Now!
I said "The bottom line is the submission of the wife should it oppose what it is they desire, should only apply to important decision regarding what's best for the family."
One mistake I made in my marriage is not taking control of spiritual decisions which are important to the family. I kind of let my wife lead when it came to which church we would attend and what pastors we would watch on TV. That did not turn out well. Other than salvation by faith in Christ, there are now few spiritual things that we agree on.
So it is important for the husband to understand what decisions are important and best for the family, then be a man and make those sometimes hard and unwelcome decisions.
One mistake I made in my marriage is not taking control of spiritual decisions which are important to the family. I kind of let my wife lead when it came to which church we would attend and what pastors we would watch on TV. That did not turn out well. Other than salvation by faith in Christ, there are now few spiritual things that we agree on.
So it is important for the husband to understand what decisions are important and best for the family, then be a man and make those sometimes hard and unwelcome decisions.
dreamermind
Member
My husband isn’t saved and he’s 15 years younger than I, so it’s not always easy for me to submit (cuz some things I know better 
) but, we really listen to each other and make decisions together and if he says don’t do something I discuss with him why and we go from there. I go by godly principles and he knows that, so there isn’t much we argue about. I enjoy taking care of him and he the same for me. It’s a learning process in a marriage, if love and respect are top priority then it just flows. I would actually love it if he was saved and made the best of our decisions in prayer, but I give him the last say when he is really sure of the choice, and trusting God helps always.
) but, we really listen to each other and make decisions together and if he says don’t do something I discuss with him why and we go from there. I go by godly principles and he knows that, so there isn’t much we argue about. I enjoy taking care of him and he the same for me. It’s a learning process in a marriage, if love and respect are top priority then it just flows. I would actually love it if he was saved and made the best of our decisions in prayer, but I give him the last say when he is really sure of the choice, and trusting God helps always.
mattfivefour
Well-Known Member
@Salluz, you have received good guidance in the posts above. I would like to point out one thing that is germane to this discussion: that is that the command to wives to submit to their husbands is not a stand-alone sentence in the original Greek, it is a phrase added to the command that we ALL submit to one another. Literally, Ephesians 5:21-22 reads, "Be submitting yourselves to one another in reverence of Christ: wives, to the own husbands as to the Lord...." This stems from the Lord's command that we "love one another" and "serve one another," never thinking we are better than another, but always "esteeming the others better than self." It is the attitude of servanthood -- something sadly lacking in Christian relationships today, not just in marriages.
Ask yourself, how did Christ love the Church? He gave Himself for her. To the very last drop. She was more precious to Him than His comfort, His ease, His life itself. Never once did He elevate Himself above His disciples. Never once did He demand their respect. Never once did He expect them to serve Him. Instead, He served them ... something he stressed at the last supper when he disrobed and --like the lowliest house servant or slave-- washed their feet. He was demonstrating the attitude that they --and we-- are to have toward each other and, equally importantly, ourselves.
When a marriage is built on this principle, it will thrive.
Ask yourself, how did Christ love the Church? He gave Himself for her. To the very last drop. She was more precious to Him than His comfort, His ease, His life itself. Never once did He elevate Himself above His disciples. Never once did He demand their respect. Never once did He expect them to serve Him. Instead, He served them ... something he stressed at the last supper when he disrobed and --like the lowliest house servant or slave-- washed their feet. He was demonstrating the attitude that they --and we-- are to have toward each other and, equally importantly, ourselves.
When a marriage is built on this principle, it will thrive.
Salluz
Aspiring Man of God
Is a husband ever allowed to consider and advocate for his own needs, or is essentially just a case of "suck it up"? It sounds emotionally exhausting to give yourself away and not get anything back from it
JoyJoyJoy
I Shall Not Be Moved
Absolutely you get your needs and wants and desires met. Your wife should be happy to see you succeed, prosper and have material things.
Emotionally, I think most real men (not those that wear onsies and frilly pants) are stronger than most women. Yall can carry a heavy load. I dont know what that is really like.
One of the best aspects of my marriage is that we both laugh a lot. Sometimes we get so tickled that we cant talk.
Last edited:
mattfivefour
Well-Known Member
Yes and no. It is one thing to express a desire, another to insist on it. Frankly, I am learning to allow God to provide for my needs. I take them to Him in prayer, and if He thinks my need is valid, He provides for it. If not, I am able to do without.
I didn't say it is easy, but dying never is. And surely that is what we are to do as Christians: die to self ... something we need the Holy Spirit to work out in us as we consciously surrender every time we find self wanting its way. The flesh is powerful! But God is greater.
The challenge is to find and stick to the willingness to die to self. I think you'll find the reward for doing so will be a more powerful ministry here and a greater eternity once we get home.
Goodboy
Won't Be Long Now!
Yes, what Mattfivefour said!
I would just like to add that finding the spiritual gift God has given you and using it for God's glory is extremely rewarding. The more you do that, the more you will desire to do it. I find that many Christian either never discover what their spiritual gift is or never utilize it. Most if not all spiritual gifts are about helping others.
I am not saying whether you have found your spiritual gift or whether you are utilizing it, but if you haven't found it or are not utilizing it, then that may be something you should focus on. Just a suggestion, if this does not pertain to you then please just ignore my comments.
cheeky200386
Well-Known Member
This goes for wives too. I crave physical affection and for years I would cry myself to sleep. I started crying out to God to help me meet this need or take the desire away. God has answered that prayer, he has satisfied me in a way that I have less of a need for my husband while at the same time, my husband has gotten more sensitive to my need.
It's been an answered prayer but was extremely difficult leaning on God and not turning to Divorce or affairs as the world would. Dying to oneself is the hardest thing I'm doing but I am starting to see fruit from letting God have my life day by day.
My mom and stepdad were just saved. This was after submitting to my husband's desire to move back with my mom last year. I was completely against it but gave it to God. Now my mom and I are closer than ever before and studying the Bible together.
My husband has also softened to the Gospel and church as a result. He's actually attended on a few occasions, something unheard of 4 years ago. He hated when I talked about Jesus at first. I am holding on to God's promise that obeying him by obeying my husband Glorifies him and can lead my husband to salvation!
Long story short, dying is hard as we put our desires and needs last and leave them to God to help us. Definitely requires a lot of faith and support from Godly friends to regularly remind you of that.
fl2007rn
Well-Known Member
I am blessed because my husband is saved too and he is a very easy going man. We rarely have arguments and we usually have the same tastes and wants so there is no need for one to submit to the other. We make big decisions together and it is ok for either one of us to make minor decisions without consulting one another. I retired 5 years ago and he is still working so I have the traditional home maker role and take care of the house. Thankfully I love to cook because my husband can't, so we would be eating cereal every meal if he was to cook!
Salluz
Aspiring Man of God
That's wonderful! I'm so happy for you.
Salluz
Aspiring Man of God
I'd be interested in hearing more on what you think in another thread (to keep this one on topic) if you feel like writing more about it
Goodboy
Won't Be Long Now!
Salluz, Here is something I posted a while back. If you have any questions or are looking for more information regarding what I think, please let me know.
https://www.raptureforums.com/forums/threads/are-you-utilizing-your-gifts.144158/
anath
I Love the Lord
We already know what the other one likes and we just like to please each other. For instance, Mike loves a clean but 'comfortable home where he can relax. He loves good meals and he likes to eat early in the evening. And I enjoy doing these things I do to make him happy. I don't have the worries he does so I love to make our home a place he wants to come home to. I on the other hand, love cooking, always decorating or improving things or keeping things clean. I have a lot of large beautiful plants and some small exotic ones I care for. Oh and we have cats we both adore and laugh at their craziness!! I love to work outside in my gardens. Mike is always helping me when I need something done or there's something too heavy, etc. I've always got at least 2 projects going so there's never a time for us to act old like we are lol
I love what I do. The reward is that he appreciates what I do and he tells me. Nearly each meal he insists it's the best he's ever had lol. I also let him know that I couldn't do the difficult things he does and it's true.
Just wanted to add, Mike doesn't expect me to be perfect and I don't expect that either. In fact, when we mess up we both like to tell each other and laugh about it.
I love what I do. The reward is that he appreciates what I do and he tells me. Nearly each meal he insists it's the best he's ever had lol. I also let him know that I couldn't do the difficult things he does and it's true.
Just wanted to add, Mike doesn't expect me to be perfect and I don't expect that either. In fact, when we mess up we both like to tell each other and laugh about it.
Last edited:
Tall Timbers
Imperfect but forgiven
The solution there is for the man to ensure he finds a wife who will also appreciate a new truck
It's good to have the big picture of who you're marrying.
Tall Timbers
Imperfect but forgiven
That's pretty much the way my marriage has gone. If that's the case, suck it up. No matter how unfortunate our circumstances, we can know God's peace and serve Him by being the best Bible-based spouse we can be with or without getting anything in return from our spouse. I married my wife. I chose to. Who can I blame but myself? God can and will turn unfortunate things in our lives to good. On account of my predicament, I'm probably more close to God than I would have been, perhaps because I need Him more. And I have 4 children I wouldn't trade for anything.