Learning of Daughter's Molestation

cheeky200386

Well-Known Member
I need help. I'm in shock right now. My 16 year old step daughter just told my husband and I that his brother was molesting her. He started when she was 6 years old and stopped years later. We are both angry and just in shock. I have been sobbing for hours and crying out to God to help me forgive and to help us.

My husband is going to file criminal charges tomorrow morning. He's struggling for words. I can't imagine what he's thinking. My stepdaughter was so happy that we didn't shame her but are going to take action right away. We're trying to figure out our next steps in talking to the family, confronting him, and warning his ex-girlfriend to protect her daughter from him.

Have any of you had to face this? I'm just at a loss...
 

Matthew6:33

Withstand in the evil day. Eph 6:13
I am so so sorry to hear this awful news. I know it can seem cliche and I know it is easier said then done, but lean on Christ. When I have had serious and BIG issues happen in my life I often go to God with no filter and let Him know everything I feel and I ask the tough questions, etc. He can take it. It really helps. :pray for you
 

Matthew6:33

Withstand in the evil day. Eph 6:13
I hope I am not overstepping, but I had a thought, this may be the witnessing opportunity you are looking for with your husband. When there is no earthly way to "act good," the Spirit can empower us to be used in a way that cuts deep to the soul and "forgive them Father they know not what they do."
 

cheeky200386

Well-Known Member
I hope I am not overstepping, but I had a thought, this may be the witnessing opportunity you are looking for with your husband. When there is no earthly way to "act good," the Spirit can empower us to be used in a way that cuts deep to the soul and "forgive them Father they know not what they do."
Thank you so much for commenting. I didn't even think of that. I struggled to pray for his brother and asked God to help me because I know he's lost. I've always sensed something dark around him. It's a lot to process. There's a knot in my stomach.
 

cheeky200386

Well-Known Member
I've had to deal with this, somewhat, Cheeky. You have a sympathetic ear in me. I won't give you any platitudes or wall plaque philosophy, but you have my sorrows. You'll definitely be in my prayers.
Thank you. It's like I'm angry, sad, and hurting for my stepdaughter. I have this ugly side of me that wants to scream I TOLD YOU SO to my husband. His mother was not fit to parent and yet he would leave her alone with her. His brother would scream and swear at my 4 year old stepdaughter and my husband would get mad at me for making a stink. I'm just so ANGRY that he didn't do more to fight for her, to keep her safe. I resent my husband for that and need God to help me forgive him too. It was always me fighting to call DCF over the years, calling lawyers, but because I had no legal standing, I couldn't do anything.

Sometimes I think how stupid I was for staying with him and marrying him.

I just want to scream
 
Last edited:

Matthew6:33

Withstand in the evil day. Eph 6:13
Thank you so much for commenting. I didn't even think of that. I struggled to pray for his brother and asked God to help me because I know he's lost. I've always sensed something dark around him. It's a lot to process. There's a knot in my stomach.
Also remember to not be hard on him for dismissing your discernment. Trust me, he is very aware of his mistake and deeply regrets it already. This is a tough situation, thank God you know the Lord.
 

Eric Nicholas

Well-Known Member
Thank you. It's like I'm angry, sad, and hurting for my stepdaughter. I have this ugly side of me that wants to scream I TOLD YOU SO to my husband. His mother was not fit to parent and yet he would leave her alone with her. His brother would scream and swear at her and my husband would get mad at me for making a stink. I'm just so ANGRY that he didn't do more to fight for her, to keep her safe. I resent my husband for that and need God to help me forgive him too. It was always me fighting to call DCF over the years, calling lawyers, but because I had no legal standing, I couldn't do anything.

I just want to scream
I'll scream with you. Sometimes, we just need to scream and mourn before we can take another step. Lord bless you, even if His hand seems cold to the touch. Soon, Cheeky. Soon.
 

cheeky200386

Well-Known Member
Also remember to not be hard on him for dismissing your discernment. Trust me, he is very aware of his mistake and deeply regrets it already. This is a tough situation, thank God you know the Lord.
I'm really struggling with this one. I lashed out at him earlier because even his reaction seemed so blah. Like FIGHT FOR YOUR DAUGHTER!!

I really need Jesus' help because this is bringing back old wounds.
 

cheeky200386

Well-Known Member
I'll scream with you. Sometimes, we just need to scream and mourn before we can take another step. Lord bless you, even if His hand seems cold to the touch. Soon, Cheeky. Soon.
Thank you because I need to read this. There is a time for mourning. I am grateful that I have God in my life because I was able to feel some peace. All I could muster was Help me God, please help. He reminded me of where he saved me from, how wicked I was before and it helped me pray for his brother and their family.

The anger does keep coming when I try to talk to my husband. He just wants to stop talking and distract himself. Lord give me patience please. I need your Holy Spirit. I pray that tomorrow will be easier and that God will use this to save all of them including my stepdaughter.

On the bright side, she said she wants to go to church with me this week. I'm thankful she hasn't blamed God for this.
 

Matthew6:33

Withstand in the evil day. Eph 6:13
I'm really struggling with this one. I lashed out at him earlier because even his reaction seemed so blah. Like FIGHT FOR YOUR DAUGHTER!!

I really need Jesus' help because this is bringing back old wounds.
I can imagine, I have read your testimony. This is a test for the family but mostly for you as a Christian and Jesus' representative.

Easier said then done I know, I'm just thinking about my own daughter, makes me very mad.

Stand firm in the day of evil.
 

cheeky200386

Well-Known Member
I was molested/raped by my uncle.

What questions do you have?
Oh my Lord. That's awful. I don't even know what to say or ask except for thank you for sharing something like that. Did he ever repent of what he did to you? I'm afraid to ask something stupid. I worry about the long term ramifications this will have for her and how to best support her. My husband is going to pursue criminal charges. I can't imagine the reaction from their mother, his other brother and if his guilty brother will admit to it.
 

cheeky200386

Well-Known Member
I can imagine, I have read your testimony. This is a test for the family but mostly for you as a Christian and Jesus' representative.

Easier said then done I know, I'm just thinking about my own daughter, makes me very mad.

Stand firm in the day of evil.
I just don't know what the right thing to do is. How do I represent Jesus Christ well through all of this?
 

LindaLove

Member
My girlfriend left her daughter, I think she was maybe 5 years old at the time (the summer before kindergarten) at her in laws house while she was studying for college midterms. When she picked her up a few hours later her in laws said they had given her a bath, which was odd. I mean she did not need to be bathed at her grand parents home. They were just to watch her for a little while, so her mom could study. A few hours later the little girl started saying a few other things they did to her while bathing her…I won’t list them out, but you get the idea of what I am saying.

My friend and her husband did not bring the child to the hospital for an exam or press charges thru the police, because they thought it would traumatize her more to do so.

I remember quite a few months later being at my friend’s house for a friend’s and family barbecue and we were all sitting around the campfire and the in laws were there and the little girl said to her grandpa “why did you touch…put…blah/blah/blah…” and no one answered her. They all just changed the subject and ignored her. My friendship with this friend has drifted apart and that was like maybe 15 years ago, but I bet her little girl still remembers all this and is very angry the people around her just choose to ignore what she was saying and hoped she would just forget.

I am proud of your husband for taking action, that must be really hard to do, but I think it’s best to talk about things like this that happen. To not do so, places shame on the victim, plus others need to be warned and protected. This story is just only one of many of my friends that have shared similar stories with me over the years, the other ones were between my friend and her uncle and a friend and her brother and they were both at about that very young age. You just never really know someone and the evil in them that they may be hiding even as professing Christians. I am so sorry you are going thru this, may God bless you with his strength, wisdom and guidance during this time and your step daughter with courage and healing.
 
Top