I saw a sister in an indecent situation

Ovicula

Well-Known Member
I saw an old sister in a, how shall I say, morally offensive, situation. Now I don't know how to talk to her about it.

The other day I had a visit from a friend over a long weekend. Therefore, I went to church on Sunday morning only briefly to drop something off. My friend was with me and saw me greeting the arriving brothers and sisters and this sister as we left the church building.

Then we went sightseeing. In the afternoon we were going to the museum. On the way to there, we saw this sister standing in front of a new restaurant. I greeted her and asked her what she was doing in that place. She said she had a date, without telling us with whom. While we were still chatting, a very good looking young man, about 25 years old, came up to us. He smiled at us and then he hugged this sister and said in an erotic voice: Hello (name).

My unbelieving friend and I were completely shocked when we saw this. This sister is in her mid-seventies, not attractive, overweight and unkempt. We left on the spot without turning around again.

My friend doesn't want to know anything about God and the Bible and, as far as I know, has no contact with Christians, except with me.
She herself is single and sometimes quickly ends up in bed with a man. But even she was shocked by what she saw and suspected that the young man might be a man for certain hours, paid for by the old sister.

Even during an excursion the next day, she briefly brought up the subject again. She said, you really need to talk to her and ask who the young man was and what she was dating him for, I want to know that too.

I want to bring it up with the old sister anyway, but I don't know how without hurting her feelings. I don't want to talk about it with another church member for now.

This embarrassing situation that an unbeliever had to witness does not reflect well on us Christians.

I am asking for your advice on how to handle this.
 

RobinB

Well-Known Member
Okay, this is probably elder abuse. We were trained on it when I worked at the bank-- a handsome young thug would sweep an older woman off her feet and then talk her into withdrawing money for him. It doesn't sound like this is an immoral act on her part, it sounds like she's about to be swindled. Do bring it up to her sister-- not as something embarrassing, but as your concern for her sister's safety and financial protection. If she won't listen, maybe contact authorities such as your local Dept of Aging or Elder Protection Bureau.
 

Amethyst

Angie ... †
. She said she had a date, without telling us with whom. While we were still chatting, a very good looking young man, about 25 years old, came up to us. He smiled at us and then he hugged this sister and said in an erotic voice: Hello (name).

.

I am asking for your advice on how to handle this.
First you don't really know what the deal is, so I would make sure you don't make any assumptions just yet.
Also it isn't necessarily sinful to be on a "date" with someone with a big age gap. I'm not sure what you mean by 'morally offensive' unless I missed something.

So next time you see her, in a very friendly, non-confrontational tone simply ask her something along lines of: "So who is that man we met the other day? Anyone special?"

You really don't know the situation yet. :)
 

Ovicula

Well-Known Member
That's very good advice from all of you!

I just remembered that she sold her house some time ago and moved into an apartment in the city. However, she doesn't make a simple-minded impression on me, she volunteers at church and sometimes presents the service.

What struck me though was the erotic voice of the young man and the way he hugged her. So far in my church, I have also never seen a young man hugging an older woman who was not related to him. And doesn't a young man who wants to fleece an old woman speak in a friendly, concerned tone, like a grandson, for example?
 

kathymendel

Well-Known Member
...................... and, then again............... it could be she was just being "cute" when saying she had a "date", and the guy was
really a grandson, or a nephew or something. I have to agree with Amethyst that you don't have enough information to know for sure
what is really going on. Before continuing to conjecture, you should probably ask her about it in a loving and non-judgemental way, so
you have the facts of the matter. Just sayin'......
 

Leigh

Well-Known Member
...................... and, then again............... it could be she was just being "cute" when saying she had a "date", and the guy was
really a grandson, or a nephew or something. I have to agree with Amethyst that you don't have enough information to know for sure
what is really going on. Before continuing to conjecture, you should probably ask her about it in a loving and non-judgemental way, so
you have the facts of the matter. Just sayin'......
That's what I thought at first also. Hopefully it's something very innocent!
 

mattfivefour

Administrator
Staff member
Never assume. Never judge motive or that which you do not know for sure. Appearances can be —and often are— misleading. Best to turn it over to God. Some people like to quote "If your brother sins, go and confront him," but that is not what Matthew 18 says. They are leaving out two very important words. Matthew 18:15-17 actually begins with the words "If your brother sins against you, go and confront him privately. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, regard him as you would a pagan or a tax collector." So that is what to do if the sin is directed at you. If the sin is not personally against you, then butt out unless the person's sin is obvious (not assumed) and your concern for the other person leads you to lengthy prayer first ... and only then acting. That action being governed exclusively by Galatians 6:1.
 

Amethyst

Angie ... †
But even she was shocked by what she saw and suspected that the young man might be a man for certain hours, paid for by the old sister.

Even during an excursion the next day, she briefly brought up the subject again. She said, you really need to talk to her and ask who the young man was and what she was dating him for, I want to know that too.
Briefly reading over this again, I would suggest not at all talking with your unbelieving friend about your christian sister again.
She is only interested in gossip and you would feel conviction down the road if you shared something with her that was absolutely none of her business. :hug:hug

It would be a good Christian witness to her that you might say "I'm sorry I respect my sister's privacy in this area and I am looking out for her best interest."
 

Dave

Well-Known Member
Date can mean anything. I met up with my Sunday School teacher at a Dairy Queen where we had lunch together. I wanted to pay for me and he kept insisting that he pays for both of us saying I was his date. If anyone was passing by us I guess they can take that the wrong way.
 

Work4Peanuts

I like being just a Well-Known Member
I used to go on father-daughter "dates" with my Dad, just so we can spend time with each other. You could always tell when someone was assuming that it was something illicit just because I was a younger woman having dinner with an older man. We'd always laugh about it, and kept it to ourselves because it was none of their business. Honestly, without knowing the facts, you have no idea whether it was indecent, a scam, or completely innocent. I wouldn't discuss it with anyone else, and only bring it up with your Christian sister if you are truly concerned about her getting scammed, otherwise it's going to come off as insincere and nosey.
 

Dave

Well-Known Member
Date can mean anything. I met up with my Sunday School teacher at a Dairy Queen where we had lunch together. I wanted to pay for me and he kept insisting that he pays for both of us saying I was his date. If anyone was passing by us I guess they can take that the wrong way.

I don't know why the Wow remark. I did not take it to mean anything. He told me at the time he likes to get to know people in his class one on one to know where they are at. I was pretty new at the time.
 

Ovicula

Well-Known Member
Yesterday, Sunday, I was hoping for an opportunity to talk to the sister in a loving way. I also prayed for wisdom. When we met in the entrance area of the church, she came up to me as soon as she entered and admired my coat. The women who arrived with her did the same. So I did not have a chance to speak with her in private.

After the service I had something to do in the kitchen with other sisters and she went home, so again there was no opportunity for conversation.
Now I hope that next Sunday there will be an opportunity.
 

kathymendel

Well-Known Member
Perhaps you are not meant to speak to her about this. If you haven't had the opportunity to do so by now, maybe God doesn't want you to talk to her,
and it would be best if you just prayed for her, rather than becoming involved. I have to question how close you are actually to her in friendship, since you must not have her phone number, or you would have called her to voice your concern. I am sensing more judgement and "getting the lowdown" in this, than I am
sensing genuine concern. I may be totally wrong in my assessment, if so I am sorry, but it is looking that way to me.
 
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