Through Faith in Jesus
Dearest Aiyanna, always, the Lord is for you, loves you and has good plans. You can rest in this. : hug
I'm guilty of tearing myself down a lot. Someone does something and I don't judge them, don't think much of it, they're doing what they think is best, etc. I do it and I'm the worst person/mom/wife/whatever in the world. I won't say we all do it, but speaking for me, I'm my own worst critic. My therapist has called me out on it but I still do it. She'll argue with me in a way to steer me away from being mean to myself. It's a hard habit to break. Struggling with anxiety and sometimes depression makes it worse. It's possible that a lot of people who do struggle with those things are more critical of themselves than people who don't.It's comforting to know I'm not alone in starting a bit later.
My head is full of silly ideas that only serve to tear me down instead of build me up. They make me look inward instead of outward. Make me ineffective as salt of the earth. I can see why the Bible says it's so important for fellow believers to gather and build each other up.
I'm moving to my new place this weekend. While the deep depression that settles in my chest whenever I allow myself to draw inward remains. I am so beyond grateful for how the Lord has provided for me and my hubby. I have messed up in so many different ways, and the Lord has provided. In spite of my weak faith and timid spirit, He has never failed me. I know where my help comes from. He has chosen to bless me in my place of work and He has given dh some amazing skills and a good job making more than enough to cover our new bills and payments.
Praise the Lord
Been right by there many times on "dates with God" to Pensacola. Met a homeless group of (new) friends and had a dinner picnic/prayed with them overlooking the bay at a rest area on a mother-daughter date w/God. If you have found EverMan's Natural Grocery, you have found a good thing. , also the National Seashore and the [email protected] Naval Base. Can't beat the beautiful history/culture around Palafox...Joe Patti's for fresh seafood and overall foodie fantasy. Churches...try them all after scouting them online. You know what you're looking for, especially in this precarious season.I am living with my mother-in-law but will be moving to a house not to far from here... A trailer really, but I'm excited to finally have my own place.
This house is somewhere off Nine Mile rd... I know, oh so helpful right?... Um it's in an area also known as Ensley? I often take i-10 when I'm driving to downtown where I work.
Yes there does seem to be a church on every square block. It's kind of strange. Especially with all the Baptist churches. Where do you even begin?
I don't know where I got the idea. But even as a kid I felt like my value as a person diminished as I grew older. It's some strange, self-defeating thing to add to my lengthy list of self-defeating things. I know I'm ashamed of my young adult years because I couldn't even drive till I was 25. My family couldn't afford the insurance or anything. It's not my fault or my family's. I just feel a deep sense of shame. Like I wasted my life or something.
Decide RIGHT NOW...no lies from the enemy about a wasted life (our son delayed driving...plenty of people do, and many in big cities don't bother with it at all). He just doesn't want you to wake up to how intensely you are valued and have been wooed and cherished by your bridegroom, o' Daughter of the King. Satan has been put on notice as you embrace this fresh start and watch the Giver of Every Good and Perfect Gift (James 1:17) use you to fulfill His most important mission for you before our Maranatha is in front of us. Let us know how the church search goes! I will be praying for you, and He will answer! (Jeremiah 33:3 in everything!)
Absolutely. Being hyper-critical of myself has been a struggle my whole life. Events from childhood and an abusive mother had me believing myself worthless. My self-criticism developed as a way to spur myself to perfection (an impossibility of course), and as a defense mechanism. An irrational thought that if I beat others to the punch, the criticism I anticipated from them would hurt less. That didn't work out so well for me either. It didn't lessen the sting of criticism when it came and I got to the point where I anticipated criticism where there was none and so my interpersonal relationships suffered for a time. Even my salvation was delayed because while I could read the Old Testament and feel so deserving of God's wrath, I felt too far gone and unworthy of the grace offered through Jesus in the New. My best solution, my only solution was two-fold. The closer I am in my relationship with God, the better able I am to see myself through His lens of love and grace. That stills the negative talk. And also, the closer I am to God, the more aware I am of His love, my commission as His servant and to feel His love in me moving outward to others, that obedience to Him, helps me also feel at peace with myself.I'm guilty of tearing myself down a lot. Someone does something and I don't judge them, don't think much of it, they're doing what they think is best, etc. I do it and I'm the worst person/mom/wife/whatever in the world. I won't say we all do it, but speaking for me, I'm my own worst critic. My therapist has called me out on it but I still do it. She'll argue with me in a way to steer me away from being mean to myself. It's a hard habit to break. Struggling with anxiety and sometimes depression makes it worse. It's possible that a lot of people who do struggle with those things are more critical of themselves than people who don't.