Help in Marriage

[fl2007rn]

Welcome to the forums. I will be praying for your family.

 

[Hallelujah]

Hello all,

I am a long time (10+ years!) lurker and reader, but just made an account. I need prayer and help with my marriage.

I am in my early 40s and have been married for 15 years, with 3 children. Problems in my marriage have become increasingly more difficult over the past year, or so.

Stresses with children (nothing severe, but everyday stress and exhaustion from parenting), medical issues on my part, and 12+ hour work days at an intense job for my husband, have all led to, if I can be frank, me just not liking my husband at all right now. And by the way he treats me, he feels the same or worse about me. He snaps at me often, talks to me like I’m stupid, and generally just doesn’t act like he wants me around.

Had anyone been through this in their marriage? What helped? I am in prayer and reading the Word daily. My husband is a professing Christian and does attend church, but never reads the Bible or prays with me and our children. He does not take a spiritual leadership role in our home at all, even though I have encouraged him and tried to orchestrate opportunities for him to do so, for a decade.

He is not an emotional or touchy-feely person…he doesn’t want to admit to or talk about anything of that nature and has never been to counseling, etc. I am at a loss of what to do that won’t make him more angry or make him shut down more emotionally.

Thanks for reading. I would love your prayers and any practical advice.

I sympathize with you more than you know. 1+2 Peter, and Ephesians are a really good read from marriage advise. There is a lot of great toos that you can use all throughout the Bible. I suggest you keep it up! Keep reading and pressing on!

1 Peter 3:1 NKJV

"Wives, likewise be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives."


This idea of submission I feel is taken the wrong way by both men and women. God teaches men and women to be slow to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. God gives us many tools to discern between right and wrong. Tools for both men and women. However, we cannot be perfect. The goal is to forgive each other and continue trying to apply God's word to our lives. There is no such thing as a "better Christian." Its how much you apply on a daily basis. The fight starts over everyday. Remember, Love conquers all. Even in the midst of the flames. It is hard to control the spirit when the darts start flying. But if you can learn to control it, you will penetrate the walls of anger and touch the hardened heart of your loved one. I wish you all the best and prayers for you and your family.

 

[AlisonCook96]

My husband and I went through a similar struggle after our son was born. He was working longer hours and I was tired all the time. When he got home he just wanted to watch tv and wasn’t helping with chores or anything. Everything he did just bothered me and he felt the same. We argued at first and eventually we’re both silent to each other.

We stopped being intimate and barely even spoke. To be honest I didn’t know if I wanted to be married to him anymore.

He didn’t want to get counseling and it progressively got worse for over a year.

One night after a particularly harsh fight where the D word was mentioned, he broke down and told me how difficult everything was. We talked all night and put everything on the table.

I realized things he was dealing with things I was unaware of. How much stress he had at work and that he was worried he was going to lose his job, which was our only income. He realized how much I did around the house and admitted he resented me for being able to stay at home when he worked so hard for money.

After that night we decided to try to help each other out. I started working a part time job and he was able to cut his hours. He helped around the house and we decided to have weekly dates and make our marriage a priority. We couldn’t always get a babysitter so we included our son on dinners together when needed.

It wasn’t easy, but we are stronger than ever now. There is no magic advice I can give, but what hurt us was the we focused so much on our own struggles that we forgot we were a team.

I will pray for you and your husband. I hope you can find your way back to happiness like we did.

 

[Wally]

I remember high school English class. It seemed such a waste of time.

I failed to see the importance of communication in every relationship, but most critically that of husband and wife.

Take the time to listen.... and understand. Repeat it if needed and make sure you hear what is being said.
Sometimes it takes a while to organize all the thoughts running through a person's mind,
including those pieces of thought that have nothing to do with the conversation.

Its a very tough practice to listen to what is being said, versus hearing only to formulate a response or bolster a defense/criticism.
It is all the more difficult when you have limitations.
I'm an aspie: emotionally handicapped vs *DBW who is an HSP highly sensitive person. .... *Dearly Beloved Wife'

It is by prayer, grace, and work of the Spirit that we have our best moments of communication.
ing for all our marriages.

 

[Sandra Lee]

My husband and I met in high school and married very much in love, but also very young. He was barely 19, and I only three weeks post 18th birthday. We had totally different backgrounds. I was raised Rrotestant. He was raised strict Roman Catholic. Neither of our parent's liked one another's chosen mate. We both understood, that if we were to have a chance at a successful marriage we would need to move far way from our families of origin. My husband joined the Navy, and we did move. Our story is too long to tell, here on this forum. Anyway, thank Jesus I had a dad with a strong faith, and he talked to me a whole lot while I was growing up. He taught me how to think.. I married a young man with a very generous heart, but he had a very harsh mother. She berated him severely while he was growing up under her roof. She berated her own husband, but he never seem ruffled by her mistreatment of him. She openly castigated him, but he simply took it. I learned in order for me to have good communication with my husband, that I had to carefully word my concerns with him. I learned that he needed me to praise him daily. Essentially, I had to be the opposite of his harsh over-bearing mother. I pray for wisdom in my marriage daily. I pray for the ability to love him unconditionally. Even, when I feel I am unjustly treated. I realize that both of us are a work in progress on so many levels.. He is now 67 and I am age 66 as of this early Sept. Love, and being loving is a choice. I do not have all the answers. I can only suggest that you stay in our Lord's word on a daily basis, only seeking advice from Godly people. Take his background in to account, because it plays a large role in who is is today. Also, as he grows older, behavior related changes can be caused by medical issues. Lately, my own husband has been falling. He is more sleepy.. His memory has declined. I know I need to get him in to be seen by professionals in the medical arena. We have been married for 48 years this upcoming Oct. Life is a journey as they say. It is a learning experience for all of us. I am sure you will continue to do your very best as his wife. Be encouraged, because each new day is a new beginning. So is each hour. Smile and be happy! You are so loved. Hugs and prayers.