Lane, I really hope as Everlasting Life has said that you find a good support group. Even if it takes a few attempts to find the right one. I believe this could be a real key for you. When in isolation with something it’s like being in a vacuum, trapped in our own heads and limited thoughts. But the right support group is something God could really use to show you ways of thinking and being you can’t even see right now...and those things, with time and faith can make all the difference.
My advice re mental health...trust God to lead and guide you, and to work through the secular drs and psychiatrists. I spent many years rejecting secular help because of Christian council - this did much damage. For me, God worked tremendously through a particular psychiatrist I saw - there is no shadow of doubt in my mind that this person was God sent....and it was life changing.