Ani Lo Calah
Well-Known Member
Hi Amethyst, I have found myself in similar situations a couple of times with two different churches I had attended in the past. The one church was larger, roughly around 125 ? members. I was going thru a difficult and painful situation in my life and was searching for a church where I could find comfort for my soul and a true church family. Long story made short, I spent about one year going to that church and next to nobody even knew my last name and never made an attempt to get to know me. It was very "cliquey" and family oriented. Nothing for an oler single adult. I tried joining a 6 wk. bible study and the 15 or so people that also attended all sat in their little clique groups and I never felt welcomed. I came to the conclusion that God did not want me in that church. I shook the dust off my sandals so to speak and never returned.
I then started attending a much smaller church in my town, about 30 people. The age ranges were mostly over 75, but there were a few couples closer to my age (50's) and a couple of younger couples. The pastor and his wife were about 10 yrs. older than me and I became pretty good friends with them, to the point where we would do activities together outside of church. One of the younger couples, he was studying to be a pastor and wanted to someday have his own church. He was good friends with the pastor so I got to know this couple as well and we all did game nights together and whatnot, even though I felt more like the odd person out, I never let those feelings overwhelm me to the point were I let it be a problem in my life. Eventually, the pastor and his wife left the church due to a dispute where the older generation didn't want to allow the younger pastor in training do sermons in church once in a while. I was really broken up by the pastor and his wife leaving and moving out of the area. I felt like I had lost some dear friends, and we did communicate back and forth for a while, but eventually the communication stopped. Such as life. People come and people go. You will realize this the older you get. The younger pastor in training and his wife also left the church and started a house church with the other young couple in that church, and I started attending. The house church grew to around 12 or 14 people, and moved to a cafe in our town. Even though everyone was friendly with each other and I had no personal issues with anyone, there was still a clique that had formed with certain people. This church went through a lot of rough patches just trying to form a solid grounding and finding a dedicated place to have services. Over time I stopped attending and went back to my original church I attended since a child. The house church ended up breaking apart a short time later. God didn't want me a part of that either.
You said that "I have tried to hand this over to the Lord many times" but you seem to keep taking it back from Him. To hand something over to the Lord means you need to actually release it to Him. If you are praying about it, then you need to trust Him with His timing and outcome. You seem to be putting a whole lot of energy and focus into your fleshly feelings, and are more concerned about being well liked and part of the group, instead of growing deeper in your personal relationship with Christ, who is your only true Friend. It could very well be that God does not want you a part of that church, so the relationships you crave are not happening there. God always knows what's best for us, even when we can't see it.
I also want you to know that some of my best friendships are with people who are 10-20 years older than me. I have very few friends right now that are my age, most all of them are at least 10 years older than me, so don't discount making friends with older people. They are often more mature in the Lord and are more stable and dependable relationships. I am single and have no children, I was previously married before I chose to walk with Christ but I have been alone more of my adult life than not. This is God's calling for my life and it took me a long time to accept it. Every futile attempt I made on my own to make Christian friends/spouse ended in utter failure. I had to surrender my life completely to God for Him to use me the way He wants. I learned the hard way that wanting people in my life also made me put God on the back burner and He became less important to me than my friends. Now God has blessed me with just a couple of good Christian women friends in my life, they are all married and have busy lives, but I can go to them anytime I need a hug or a laugh and they are there for me. And they are all older than me. God gave me the friends He knew I needed, not the ones I thought I wanted. They came when I wasn't looking for or expecting it.
Since I went back to my original church, I discovered that God has given me a wonderful voice to sing his praises. A voice I never knew I had until I started going to the Praise & Worship service my church had started. I joined the praise team and started singing in church every Sunday with the others. This is where God developed my relationships with the women friends I have now and this is where He continued to develop my singing voice. I now routinely sing solo's in church. Who woulda thunk it? Certainly not me! Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought this is where God would lead me.
Amethyst, let go and let God. He may have a future for you beyond your wildest dreams if you let go of your own desires and will and let Him have His way with you. Work on making Jesus your best Friend.
God bless you sister!
I then started attending a much smaller church in my town, about 30 people. The age ranges were mostly over 75, but there were a few couples closer to my age (50's) and a couple of younger couples. The pastor and his wife were about 10 yrs. older than me and I became pretty good friends with them, to the point where we would do activities together outside of church. One of the younger couples, he was studying to be a pastor and wanted to someday have his own church. He was good friends with the pastor so I got to know this couple as well and we all did game nights together and whatnot, even though I felt more like the odd person out, I never let those feelings overwhelm me to the point were I let it be a problem in my life. Eventually, the pastor and his wife left the church due to a dispute where the older generation didn't want to allow the younger pastor in training do sermons in church once in a while. I was really broken up by the pastor and his wife leaving and moving out of the area. I felt like I had lost some dear friends, and we did communicate back and forth for a while, but eventually the communication stopped. Such as life. People come and people go. You will realize this the older you get. The younger pastor in training and his wife also left the church and started a house church with the other young couple in that church, and I started attending. The house church grew to around 12 or 14 people, and moved to a cafe in our town. Even though everyone was friendly with each other and I had no personal issues with anyone, there was still a clique that had formed with certain people. This church went through a lot of rough patches just trying to form a solid grounding and finding a dedicated place to have services. Over time I stopped attending and went back to my original church I attended since a child. The house church ended up breaking apart a short time later. God didn't want me a part of that either.
You said that "I have tried to hand this over to the Lord many times" but you seem to keep taking it back from Him. To hand something over to the Lord means you need to actually release it to Him. If you are praying about it, then you need to trust Him with His timing and outcome. You seem to be putting a whole lot of energy and focus into your fleshly feelings, and are more concerned about being well liked and part of the group, instead of growing deeper in your personal relationship with Christ, who is your only true Friend. It could very well be that God does not want you a part of that church, so the relationships you crave are not happening there. God always knows what's best for us, even when we can't see it.
I also want you to know that some of my best friendships are with people who are 10-20 years older than me. I have very few friends right now that are my age, most all of them are at least 10 years older than me, so don't discount making friends with older people. They are often more mature in the Lord and are more stable and dependable relationships. I am single and have no children, I was previously married before I chose to walk with Christ but I have been alone more of my adult life than not. This is God's calling for my life and it took me a long time to accept it. Every futile attempt I made on my own to make Christian friends/spouse ended in utter failure. I had to surrender my life completely to God for Him to use me the way He wants. I learned the hard way that wanting people in my life also made me put God on the back burner and He became less important to me than my friends. Now God has blessed me with just a couple of good Christian women friends in my life, they are all married and have busy lives, but I can go to them anytime I need a hug or a laugh and they are there for me. And they are all older than me. God gave me the friends He knew I needed, not the ones I thought I wanted. They came when I wasn't looking for or expecting it.
Since I went back to my original church, I discovered that God has given me a wonderful voice to sing his praises. A voice I never knew I had until I started going to the Praise & Worship service my church had started. I joined the praise team and started singing in church every Sunday with the others. This is where God developed my relationships with the women friends I have now and this is where He continued to develop my singing voice. I now routinely sing solo's in church. Who woulda thunk it? Certainly not me! Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought this is where God would lead me.
Amethyst, let go and let God. He may have a future for you beyond your wildest dreams if you let go of your own desires and will and let Him have His way with you. Work on making Jesus your best Friend.
God bless you sister!