Children & Church Service

cheeky200386

Well-Known Member
I guess I was spoiled at my home church in MA because my Pastor and the members loved kids and babies. Many times the Pastor would make it a point to say that he loves baby sounds when my son or other kids would make noise.

At this new church I'm visiting in FL, all of the members were scowling, giving dirty looks at a new mom visiting with her toddler. This was during the singing and announcements part of the service. I was disturbed and furious to see how they were acting. It seems they expect all little kids to be in the nursery from start to finish of the entire service. I was leaving to the nursery after the music as the sermon started. I imagined that's when noise is fine.

I'm still upset and even apologized to that poor mom (whose not saved by the way). I told her how different my church back home was. This place is all senior citizens and kept saying how happy they were with kids.

Sure could have fooled me. Am I missing something? Is it normal to expect for kids to just not be in the entirety of the service?
 

Tall Timbers

Imperfect but forgiven
I attended a church in D.C. where apparently a lot of time went in to choreographing the service. The pastor and his wife were members of a band at some time and new how to put on a show, I guess. I became pretty involved with the church so when I started bringing our first born who wasn't always respectful of her surroundings :))), it caused some waves. I was asked how I would solve the problem. I suggested they set up a room where parents with little kids could go and listen/watch to the service from the room. They did it and everyone was happy enough. I like churches where children and the noise that comes with them are welcome.
 

cheeky200386

Well-Known Member
I attended a church in D.C. where apparently a lot of time went in to choreographing the service. The pastor and his wife were members of a band at some time and new how to put on a show, I guess. I became pretty involved with the church so when I started bringing our first born who wasn't always respectful of her surroundings :))), it caused some waves. I was asked how I would solve the problem. I suggested they set up a room where parents with little kids could go and listen/watch to the service from the room. They did it and everyone was happy enough. I like churches where children and the noise that comes with them are welcome.
They have a room with a window and a speaker to hear the sermon. I was just shocked that there were so many dirty looks to hear children noises during the beginning as well. I understand during the sermon, but during the music and announcements?! They mix the announcements in between songs. For that, I might as well just stay home and watch sermons online.

I'm still seething from this morning and praying about it. My first reaction is to tell them to kick rocks and never return again.
 

cheeky200386

Well-Known Member
You can probly find an infant friendly church if you're patient.
That's true. I feel so bad for that lost lady who doesn't know any other church. I told Mike, he was working, and he told me he had an inkling there weren't going to be so accepting as they presented themselves to be. I'm going to pray God gives me clarity. I want to speak to the Pastor and his wife about this so they know. I definitely need to wait because I'm way too upset to be Godly in my speech today.

It's such a bummer since I loved my church in MA and had a feeling we'd find many churches with just the elderly.
 

pixelpusher

Well-Known Member
We would check our infants into the nursery then go into the sanctuary with younger kids for praise and worship, then they'd go to children's church and the adults could focus on the sermon or teaching.

Y'all are still new, it'll take a while for everything to get settled down I imagine. Perhaps you can be friends with this other new mom?

Sounds like the devil is at work too. I wouldn't put it past him to create strife and division when this new person comes who may be seeking God.
 

cheeky200386

Well-Known Member
We would check our infants into the nursery then go into the sanctuary with younger kids for praise and worship, then they'd go to children's church and the adults could focus on the sermon or teaching.

Y'all are still new, it'll take a while for everything to get settled down I imagine. Perhaps you can be friends with this other new mom?

Sounds like the devil is at work too. I wouldn't put it past him to create strife and division when this new person comes who may be seeking God.
I totally agree in having young kids in the sanctuary for the praise and worship. They seem to have a problem with toddlers making noise during that time?!

I totally understand taking them to the nursery during the actual sermon. But before?!
 

cheeky200386

Well-Known Member
I raised 4 younguns. I liked keeping them with me and we took the kids wherever we went. They never had a baby sitter.
That's amazing! I would love to have that many kids. I always feel so protective of children. I hate how adults can treat them as a burden, of course they still need discipline. I'm glad my parents never treated us that way and quickly shut anyone down who tried.

I'm going to pray some more and speak to the Pastor and his wife. I want to understand what their expectations are of baby sounds during any part of the time in the sanctuary. They kept telling me they love baby sounds but their members don't seem to share the same views.
 

cheeky200386

Well-Known Member
We would check our infants into the nursery then go into the sanctuary with younger kids for praise and worship, then they'd go to children's church and the adults could focus on the sermon or teaching.

Y'all are still new, it'll take a while for everything to get settled down I imagine. Perhaps you can be friends with this other new mom?

Sounds like the devil is at work too. I wouldn't put it past him to create strife and division when this new person comes who may be seeking God.
That last sentence is also on my mind. How is Satan at work trying to keep that lady from Jesus Christ? I only pray I may be a good witness for him.
 

Salluz

Aspiring Man of God
That last sentence is also on my mind. How is Satan at work trying to keep that lady from Jesus Christ? I only pray I may be a good witness for him.

Thankfully Christ came to destroy the works of the devil. He'll work in willing people to do just that still today.

Some people are very particular and "traditional" about worship service. I mean that in the pharisiacal sense of tradition that does not take into account the word of God. I've had to correct myself on that point one time when I was in a service. A lovely woman behind me shouted, "thank you, Jesus," and I found myself getting annoyed, and I had to immediately mentally kick myself for being upset at someone doing something biblically appropriate like shouting praise to the Lord. Sometimes it can be easy to let our feelings supersede God's word. We might have the Holy Spirit remind us that the kingdom of God belongs to such as these and to not hinder them from coming to Jesus, but then we let the annoyance drown that out to our own detriment and the detriment of the child and parents.

Many people want worship to be "just so." And any perceived infraction--really based on taste--is deemed sinful and judged. I'm sorry that that situation has come up. I hate when believers give Jesus a black eye so to speak by not acting in a way that reflects him. I especially hate it when I do it.

Maybe it was a one-off thing?
 

cheeky200386

Well-Known Member
Thankfully Christ came to destroy the works of the devil. He'll work in willing people to do just that still today.

Some people are very particular and "traditional" about worship service. I mean that in the pharisiacal sense of tradition that does not take into account the word of God. I've had to correct myself on that point one time when I was in a service. A lovely woman behind me shouted, "thank you, Jesus," and I found myself getting annoyed, and I had to immediately mentally kick myself for being upset at someone doing something biblically appropriate like shouting praise to the Lord. Sometimes it can be easy to let our feelings supersede God's word. We might have the Holy Spirit remind us that the kingdom of God belongs to such as these and to not hinder them from coming to Jesus, but then we let the annoyance drown that out to our own detriment and the detriment of the child and parents.

Many people want worship to be "just so." And any perceived infraction--really based on taste--is deemed sinful and judged. I'm sorry that that situation has come up. I hate when believers give Jesus a black eye so to speak by not acting in a way that reflects him. I especially hate it when I do it.

Maybe it was a one-off thing?
I would like to think it is but I'm not so sure. My husband said he had that sense that people were getting annoyed with my son and this ladie's son last time too. He wasn't surprised when I told him what happened today.

I'm leaning towards speaking with the Pastor's wife this week. It could just be that they need to set the tone with the members. The other option is to just never be in the sanctuary with them while I listen from the nursery with my son. Seems pointless to go for the service, but maybe that's just my preference coming out. I had a friend at my last church who never came to service because she has 3 children and her and her husband don't leave their kids with others, so the nursery was not an option. I can understand her more now.

I did exchange numbers with that other mother. I hope I can share more of Christ with her.
 

Matthew6:33

Withstand in the evil day. Eph 6:13
If this is the worst problem at this church, it is blessed. Sounds like Satan at work causing duvision in hearts and minds. Churches are all different but I would be asking myself why the devil is getting you worked up over this? Maybe he doesn't want you there? :shrug
 

cheeky200386

Well-Known Member
If this is the worst problem at this church, it is blessed. Sounds like Satan at work causing duvision in hearts and minds. Churches are all different but I would be asking myself why the devil is getting you worked up over this? Maybe he doesn't want you there? :shrug
It bothers me to see a mom getting dirty looks when her toddler is babbling during church songs and announcements. Especially when this mother is lost. I'd hate for her not to return because of how uptight the members are being. They say they just wish they had children and don't mind the noise but then act bothered when the kids show up.

Seeing the members smiling after service was really off putting. I guess you're saying this isn't a big deal? How would you recommend I deal with the dirty looks, shaking heads, and ssshhhing whenever my son babbles in the future?
 

Amethyst

Angie ... †
Maybe you can continue going to this church until you find a suitable one that has a lot of 30s and 40 somethings who are still in this stage of young kids? They will be used to the noise and not think anything of it. Sometimes older people are used their quietness and dont want it messed with. Maybe thats why their congregation doesn't have many younger members.
 

cheeky200386

Well-Known Member
Maybe you can continue going to this church until you find a suitable one that has a lot of 30s and 40 somethings who are still in this stage of young kids? They will be used to the noise and not think anything of it. Sometimes older people are used their quietness and dont want it messed with. Maybe thats why their congregation doesn't have many younger members.
I'll have to continue praying because it's sad to see either way. They desperately want families but probably don't realize what that entails. It's like growing pains, I guess.
 

athenasius

Well-Known Member
I'll have to continue praying because it's sad to see either way. They desperately want families but probably don't realize what that entails. It's like growing pains, I guess.
I just saw this, came back on briefly, it's bedtime in 5 minutes.

Cheeky your primary duty before the Lord is the godly raising up of your children and leading your husband to the Lord.

All else is secondary. You aren't responsible to fix this church. God is in charge of that.

If God leads you to explain why they might have a problem attracting and retaining families, especially ones like this young unsaved mum, then that is a wonderful benefit of you going there however briefly.

Your primary duty requires you to find a church that your son and you and eventually your husband can grow and serve and be a part in. If this one is it, God will continue to show you-- even as He directs you to give constructive criticism.

How they receive it (providing you are gracious and kind) is up to God, as is their growth and change.

You may have been there to connect with that young mother seeking God. Sent for a moment, and a person.

Don't take on more responsibility for their choices or the way they do church. That's between them and God. You can help by giving a gracious word in season (after you've cooled off a bit). If they listen and change, you can stay. Or not.

Either way God is in charge of them and you. They have to answer to Him, for their responsibilities, you answer to God for yours.

The way I see it, you might need to be looking elsewhere for a church with more flexibility dealing with younger families.

It's ok if they aren't a perfect fit, they are probably fitting the ones they are called to serve.

Or perhaps they need to change and God sent you to gently and humbly point that out.

I remember trying to find a church in each community we moved to with the little ones. Not easy. God will guide you. The first one you try may not be right, nor the first five. Keep looking.

And keep up with that young mum. Sometimes you are sent to the mission field, sometimes the mission field comes to you. I think your mission field might be her and your own family for now.
 
Top