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I Owe My Mother

Discussion in 'Christian Jokes and Humor' started by billym, Feb 28, 2012.

  1. billym

    billym Well-Known Member

    I Owe My Mother

    1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
    “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside.. I just finished cleaning.”
    2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
    “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
    3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
    “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
    4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
    “Because I said so, that’s why.”
    5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
    “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
    6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
    “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
    7. My mother taught me IRONY.
    “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
    8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
    “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
    9. My mother taught me about CONTORTION-ISM.
    “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
    10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
    “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
    11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
    “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
    12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
    “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
    13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
    “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
    14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
    “Stop acting like your father!”
    15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
    “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
    16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
    “Just wait until we get home.”
    17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
    “You are going to get it when you get home!”
    18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
    “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”
    19. My mother taught me ESP.
    “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
    20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
    “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
    21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
    “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
    22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
    “You’re just like your father.”
    23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
    “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
    24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
    “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
    And my favorite:
    25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
    “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”
    Only you folks my age understand these profound statements!!!
    26. But, there is one missing from this list~~My personal all-time favorite!!
    My mother taught me about CHOICE.
    “Do you want me to stop this car?”
     
  2. readytogo

    readytogo Well-Known Member

    :pound::pound::pound:
     
  3. billym

    billym Well-Known Member

    You might think I am kidding but my Mom used quite a lot of,these when I was growing up. I had a great Mom!
     
  4. readytogo

    readytogo Well-Known Member

    If it wasn't my mom telling me most of these, it was my dad!
     
  5. billym

    billym Well-Known Member

    I heard #26 quite a few times:hehheh
     
  6. readytogo

    readytogo Well-Known Member

    That was usually my dad saying that...
     
  7. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

    I've heard almost all of them and have used them a number of times on my own son. The problem with all of these little sayings is that eventually your children turn them back on you. When I criticize my son for anything that I consider to be outrageous, he replies, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." He's right about that one. He often reminds me of his father, my father, one or more of my male siblings, and at his worst, he reminds me of me. :lol:
     
  8. mattfivefour

    mattfivefour Super Moderator Staff Member

    :lol:
     
  9. livin_in_the_Son

    livin_in_the_Son Well-Known Member

    I have heard, and used a lot of these too! My mom said #25 so many times that after my 3rd kid I was like 'I've got (my sister's) kids, because I never acted like this! :lol: I said #26 at least twice on hour on a 14 hour roadtrip.
     
  10. SteveJM

    SteveJM Well-Known Member

    Many laughs, and a great way to start the morning. :lol:
     
  11. IamPJ

    IamPJ Well-Known Member

    LOVE those!!! I think I've heard all of them!!!
     

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