Kids Leave Home and Leave Church

[Chris]

Kids Leave Home and Leave Church

Kids Leave Home and Leave Church
By Barbara Henderson

Bewildered parents are sitting in darkness wondering what happened. They go over and over in their minds the things they went through raising their children. They took them to church every time the door was opened. They made sure their kids were involved in every single church activity. They tried to make sure their kids were popular even at church. Of course they wanted them to be popular at school also, but especially at church. After all, church was the place where their kids would be most likely to find good kids to hang around with. They did the best they could, but it just wasn't good enough. These parents are broken hearted, terrified for their children's eternal future, and have no idea of what went wrong.

The truth is they did everything they could to set their kids up in a social circle that would keep them from turning to the really bad things of the world. They never thought their kid would be the one to give up the church. 'What happened?', they wonder. 'What happened?'

Well, the parents bought into a scam. They were fooled into believing that a social circle was church. They were fooled into believing that teaching their children to be good was good enough. They were fooled into believing that the sin nature, the inborn trait to break the commandments was not really important. They were fooled into believing that the way to win their children to the Lord was to forget fear of God, fear of hell, and teach the kids that 'Jesus wants them to be happy'.

The parents looked at things from the view of this world. They wanted their kids to have:
wealth – to have all the things the rich kids had, position – probably called 'popularity', and a mild version of all the sinful pleasures offered by this world for their children,

The parents of these wayward children would have done well to have considered Moses, who refused: The high position he had as the son of pharaoh's daughter, The wealth of Egypt (he was filthy rich), The pleasures of sin (for a season).

If they had wanted the things of God for their children more than anything else the outcome would have likely been better. The sad truth is that very often, the parents have not rejected the things of the world themselves. They still want position, wealth, and the pleasures of 'little sins' that won't really mess up their lives. They still haven't admitted that 'Sin take you farther than you want to go, cost you more than you want to pay, and keeps you longer than you want to stay'. (quote source unknown) So, how are they going to teach such things to their children?

Kids are able to see when something is not really working.
The kids go to church;
They have a 'salvation experience';
They believe Jesus wants them to be happy.

Then, they begin to notice that Jesus has no power to make them 'happy'.
Ultimately, they see Jesus as having no power to do much of anything.
After all:
Did Jesus make them part of the in crowd at church or school?
Or did He leave them as the dork or nerd that nobody really liked?
Jesus didn't make their skin clear up,
or help them lose weight,
or cause them to grow taller,
or get their parents to dress them in the designer clothing of the month,
or any other thing necessary to 'be happy'.

Kids are also able to see that the most religious people in the church face trials and disappointments.
Some of them go bankrupt.
Some of their marriages fail.
Some face illness personally or a close family member gets sick and dies.
Some suffer chronic illness.

Where is Jesus when all that happens?
If He can't stop all that from happening, and He can't make them popular and well liked, then what is the point?
Of course they are going to leave!

The truth is they are leaving the church because they have never really been to church. They have been to a social gathering, and they really didn't like the circle of people there. Something was fake about it, and they picked right up on it. It is right to leave a way of life that is based on shifting sand.

Society is full of people who have given up on Jesus Christ, His church, and Christianity altogether. As my granddad's third wife used to day, 'The woods is full of them.' At least mentally, they have given up on Jesus.

The truth is they really don't know anything about the real Jesus or what He taught. They have just given up on a manmade institution filled with rituals and 'seat of the pants' theology. They have walked away from a failed institution filled with failed dreams and goals.

So, what can be done now? Is a 'Great Awakening' possible? Will the churches wake up and start preaching the truth? Some of them might, but most of them won't.

One thing necessary is for Christians in general to come to an understanding that Jesus is NOT the author of the health and wealth gospel. Neither is He the author of the 'Jesus wants me to be happy' gospel.

Jesus wants His children to be obedient! Obedience leads to joy in the Lord, and it may/probably will lead to some true happiness in this world. But that happiness is not going to come from making you rich, beautiful/handsome, popular, and very successful. You may actually be all those things, but don't count on it. Don't count on being poor, ugly, and a failure either. Take the life Christ gives you, whatever it may be. Ask for help in changing things and circumstances that are bothering you. God is not the 'god of ineffectiveness'. Ask and see what good does for you. Jesus does change circumstances and He is a help to all His children. However, Jesus is not a genie in a bottle who grants every wish.

Jesus wants His children to be thankful. Thankfulness starts with the individual believer. Unthankful parents have a hard time instilling a thankful attitude in their children.

Jesus wants His children to study so they won't be taken in by silly theology like 'give some preacher more money than you can afford so Jesus will give you a ton of money so you can join the super rich'.

Jesus wants His children to take up their cross and follow Him. Ouch! Oh my goodness! I have got to be kidding...right? Umm, no. I am not kidding. To tell the truth, that was not really what I personally wanted to hear either.

Jesus wants His children to tell the truth. And, above all else, tell the truth about Salvation. The truth is that there are two eternal destinations. One is heaven, which we all know about. The other is hell, a place we don't hear a lot about. Unrepentant sinners go to hell. That is an unalterable fact. How cruel to avoid such an important truth when teaching children!

When I was small, I knew without a doubt that I was a sinner. Obviously, I wasn't as big or bad a sinner as my brothers. Furthermore, I wouldn't have been even that big a sinner if I hadn't had those three brothers getting me into trouble all the time. Nevertheless, I definitely was a sinner. I heard the preacher say that sinners go to hell. Well, I was terrified! I positively did not want to go to hell. But, as a sinner, there was no doubt that was where I was going. So you can understand how thankful I was to hear there was a way to escape hell. I didn't bother to question why there was only one way. I was just glad there was one way. Still, I managed to make myself miserable for quite a while before my little feet walked down that aisle and I made a public profession of my faith in Jesus Christ. It was definitely fear of hell that set me to thinking of a way to escape it. While I was worried about escaping hell, I really was not worried too much about how popular I was at church or school. I wasn't even worried too much about getting better grades at school than at least one of my brothers. (The kid with the lowest grades got the most attention from my parents for the next quarter, and no kid in their right mind wanted more 'help' from parents with school work.) I had my priorities straight. Find out how to escape hell, and get that settled as soon as possible. (I think I was saved before my 'aisle walking experience', but that was what made it public and fully relieved my anxiety about hell.)

There are some today who think the concept of hell is too much for a child to handle. They are wrong. To learn about hell as a child is a wonderful blessing. It is the beginning of the fear of the Lord. It is the beginning of wisdom. It sets little feet on the road to salvation.

To learn of hell is the grace of God! The second verse of the song 'Amazing Grace' says, 'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved.
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed.'

It is the grace of God that teaches us to be afraid of hell! When we come to realize that we are headed for a place of torment, we are terrified. At least we should be.

It is the grace of God that gives our terrified hearts relief. There are no words to describe the 'relief' from knowing you are not going to hell. God 'relieves our fears' through salvation in Jesus Christ.

Then, after salvation as a small child, I was thrown into doubt about my salvation, which did plague me off and on until I was 30 years old. Doubts about salvation make for ineffective Christians. I would have probably had some doubts anyway, but my doubts began in Sunday School. Sunday School is another word for 'lion's den. It is a nice place to socialize and meet people in your own age group. It is at the very best, a place where you might hear something correct about Bible theology and doctrine. Or, you may get someone going over a printed Sunday School booklet that provides a mild lesson. On occasion, you may have a teacher who knows enough Christian theology to be an effective teacher. On other occasions you may have a teacher who intentionally teaches false doctrine. They have an agenda, and they are not bashful about carrying it out. The main point about Sunday School is that there are practically no controls on what is actually taught. I personally think that larger classes are better than smaller classes. Classes for families instead of classes segregated by age are another possibility. Children can understand far more than most people realize.

Christians – with or without children – need to understand that the job of the church is not to make kids or new converts happy and comfortable. Their job is to focus on the truth. And the truth is that the human race is in the middle of a war zone! The devil wants our children, and he is going to use any weapon possible to get them! Ultimately, the greatest help anyone can have is the truth. The truth is the greatest asset possible for building a life of satisfaction and contentment. It gives a solid foundation on which to base decisions.

It is the duty of EVERY Christian to know enough Bible theology/doctrine to recognize blatant error when they hear it, or see it. You may be thinking, 'How can you 'see' theological error?' An example would be seeing dancing on the stage at church. YouTube - ROCKHARBOR Dance @ Saddleback Church: Shackles

The kids dancing may be having fun putting on a performance, but what on earth does that have to do with growing a strong Christian?

How about yoga in church? If someone wants to do yoga they should know it does have links to eastern philosophies/religion. Stretching and breathing exercises are not bad; they are healthy. But, mixing Christianity with eastern mysticism is sin! And what place does exercise have in church anyway?

Teaching and preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ is the job of the church. For the church to take a break from teaching and preaching for a yoga session or dance program is like a heart surgeon stopping in the middle of a heart transplant to dance around the operating room to an uplifting rendition of 'Tiptoe Through the Tulips'.

Jesus Christ is the bridge between God and man. That is the message of the church. You cannot go to God the father except through Jesus Christ the Son. You learn about salvation through the Bible, Christian witnesses, and the church. All the garbage in the church today is like all the garbage on your television set. Let's say you are watching a program that is totally appropriate and family friendly. But, the program is interrupted by ten commercials for every ten minutes of the program. The commercials are, for the most part, totally inappropriate. Many are even R-rated commercials, even though they are in a family friendly time slot. By the end of the program, 95% of the 'good' program is totally overshadowed by the trash that was thrown in with it. That is the way church is in many instances. The preacher may do a pretty good sermon, but it does not get top billing. It is not the focus of the ministry. The main focus of the church is 'outreach' through various programs.

The true measure of a church is the number of people who actually are committed to Jesus Christ, and continue in well doing. If 90% of children who grow up in church are leaving church, then something is not going well. .

Bringing worldly things into the church only brings in worldly people.
The church cannot really compete with the world.
Why go to church for yoga? You can get that lots of other places.
Why go to church for New Age philosophies watered down to fit into Christianity when you can get pure New Age theology outside the church?
Why go to church for dance? You can get that lots of other places, too.
Why go to church to socialize? You can socialize a lot of other places, and you won't have the restrictions that apply to church socializing.
Why go to church to be happy? You can find worldly happiness much better in the world than in a church.
Why go to church to meet the right people? It appears that the 'right people' are much more common outside the church anyway.

Not only are children brought up in the church leaving the church, but new converts are leaving the church as fast as they come in. Why? It is for the same reason. Most of the time, they come into the church for the same reasons parents take their kids to church. They want a happier life. They have problems. They are looking for help in succeeding. They are looking for healing for a broken heart. They decide to give Jesus a try. BUT...

They NEVER let 'grace teach their hearts to fear'. They do not understand they are in danger of hells torment! They think they are in torment right now! And maybe they are really in a sad state. But nothing is comparable to eternal torment.

Lost people need to understand the dire predicament they are in BEFORE they can understand what salvation means.

It is the job of Christians to be telling the world the truth. We might not get a net full of fish, but we might catch one now and then. It will change the eternal destination of each one that actually hears the truth and acts on it according to the instructions of Jesus. We don't know what reform could come through our individual efforts.

To do this successfully, we must know the truth, and convey that truth in a way that is understandable. To be effective, the truth must be presented without watering it down to make it more palatable to the individual. The natural man can't understand the Gospel anyway. The Holy Spirit has to give understanding. ( 1 Corinthians 2:14, 'But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.')

The Gospel must be presented when the opportunity arises whether it is easy or hard. It must be presented with the same charitable love with which Christ Himself presented it to us. Christ did not compromise the truth. He was not distracted by trying to reach a position in society or the work force. He didn't seek wealth as a prize or means to getting social or political position. He just continued in well doing.

Today parents are facing some churches that are totally counterfeit. They are also facing churches that have some sound teaching and theology; but it is mixed with worldly things, ignorant teachers, and even out and out heresy creeping in

Honestly, true converts are not leaving their Christian faith. We are told in 1 John 2:19 that, 'They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us.' It is just so heartbreaking to think of all the time they spent in church, or at least thinking they were in church, and they never truly converted.

It is important not to set a goal of finding a perfect church. That isn't possible. What you want in a church is a preacher who is committed to preaching the truth with compassion. I personally want the KJV Bible, and a traditional hymnal as the basis for the church music. Do your very best to avoid getting caught up in the dynamics of different personalities in the church. 1 Corinthians 2:2 tells us, 'For I determined not to know anything among you, save Jesus Christ,, and him crucified.' Sadly, there is a lot of pettiness in most churches.

It is important to be committed to church attendance. Hebrews 10:25 tells us, 'Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much more, as ye see the day approaching.' Remember that one of the reasons for church attendance is simple obedience.

Jude 1:3 tells us, 'Beloved, when I gave all diligence to write unto you of the common salvation, it was needful for me to write unto you, and exhort you that ye should earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints.'

Whether the individual Christian is a parent, a grandparent, a new convert, or even a child like Samuel was when he served Eli, he or she is duty bound to earnestly contend for the faith. Do your best to be sure your church is not teaching a social gospel to anyone, much less the little ones. I know there will always be some who leave the church, but it could be a smaller number if they consistently heard the truth while they were in church. And, kids who grow up in a church that preaches a social gospel will do better to leave that type of church than to stay in it.

Barbara Henderson

[melanie]

Excellent. I'm going to pass this on to others. Thank you.

[mattfivefour]

I pray that all who see this post—especially parents and going-to-be-parents, but all Christians as well—take the time to read it. The message is excellent and absolutely necessary not only to protect our children from going astray but to ensure that we are walking in true obedience to God.

Good find, Chris! Thanks so much for posting it. I pray it produces much fruit here.

[Meg]

I'm thinking of the young man who shot up New Life Church in Colorado Springs. He was raised in church. He got interested in violent video games and God knows what else, and all his parents seemed to be able to do was try to crack down with rules. It seems they were unable to explain to him what is wrong with harming other people. This society is very self absorbed, everything is "me me me". Even the above article is peppered with "me's" and "I's".

What I see as undervauled in the church today is changed lives. I've spoken of this once before, how the average Salvation testimony glorifies the sin experience ands stops at the acceptance of Christ. Accepting Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior is just the first step, its the journey into Sanctification and the application of Scripture to life's severe challenges when God is glorified, yet this very application of Jesus Christ to overwhelming difficulty is often neglected. We have well decorated churches down the block from jars on the gas station counter begging money to help a family with a very ill child. The adults may not notice the contradiction, but the kids do.

Most young people leave the faith in college. The churches prepare them for anything but explaining why Christ and His Word matter. Does anyone realize that many of the most hostile atheists online today are people who were raised in church? Seriously, I browsed a couple of hostile forums earlier this year, and in one of the worst ones, there was a whole section for former Christians. For that matter, one of the darkest people i ever met (this was before I was Saved myself) had been raised in a Christian home. Two or three other people I knew back then who were headed in the same direction were former Christians. One boasted freely about that, and thats just a sample. Kids are hard to fool. they know exactly what their parents feel most strongly about, and they express what they learned later in life... All the former Christians I just described were adults, the youngest was around 30, the other two over 35. Most of our most hostile former Christian critics are over 25. The church has a great need to rethink their values...

[Kist]

I'm thinking of the young man who shot up New Life Church in Colorado Springs. He was raised in church. He got interested in violent video games and God knows what else, and all his parents seemed to be able to do was try to crack down with rules. It seems they were unable to explain to him what is wrong with harming other people. This society is very self absorbed, everything is "me me me". Even the above article is peppered with "me's" and "I's".

What I see as undervauled in the church today is changed lives. I've spoken of this once before, how the average Salvation testimony glorifies the sin experience ands stops at the acceptance of Christ. Accepting Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior is just the first step, its the journey into Sanctification and the application of Scripture to life's severe challenges when God is glorified, yet this very application of Jesus Christ to overwhelming difficulty is often neglected. We have well decorated churches down the block from jars on the gas station counter begging money to help a family with a very ill child. The adults may not notice the contradiction, but the kids do.

Most young people leave the faith in college. The churches prepare them for anything but explaining why Christ and His Word matter. Does anyone realize that many of the most hostile atheists online today are people who were raised in church? Seriously, I browsed a couple of hostile forums earlier this year, and in one of the worst ones, there was a whole section for former Christians. For that matter, one of the darkest people i ever met (this was before I was Saved myself) had been raised in a Christian home. Two or three other people I knew back then who were headed in the same direction were former Christians. One boasted freely about that, and thats just a sample. Kids are hard to fool. they know exactly what their parents feel most strongly about, and they express what they learned later in life... All the former Christians I just described were adults, the youngest was around 30, the other two over 35. Most of our most hostile former Christian critics are over 25. The church has a great need to rethink their values...

Violent video games, the craziest thing to enter a church in my opinion. All those youth bible groups that just go to church to play video games aswell, it's crazy. I remember hearing about this guy once, who took over such a bible study group once, and first thing he did was, throw out the videogames, and open up a bible. Within a year his group grew from 12 to 5members. Yes grew, as these were 5kids that actually wanted to hear The Word, and not play some worldly video game(yes there are games that are ok, but most are polution of the mind and soul, and none, weither ok or not should be in a church)

What you say about the churches and the lack of giving help and such. Upto a point, I agree with you. Thankfully though not all churches don't do anything for people, but the main problem is that churches require people to come to them for help. In every day life, many Christians are blind for the problems of others, and they fail to see it. Over here, a lot of people are in financial difficulties and what not, and have problems getting food on the table. Result is, a lot of people knock on the doors of churches seeking help, and they do give it to them. Again the problem is, that we require them to knock on our door, rather than us knocking on theirs. What you say about most testimonies is true, but you have to remember that it's hard to describe the process of sanctification. Seriously speaking, I detest things now, that I loved even just last year, but that process is something not done by myself but by the Holy Spirit, but I find it a hard thing to put down in words, and I'm quite certain I'm not the only one that finds that.

I remember a few weeks ago I saw this program on the telly, which was called "in search of God". I heard it was on, so I thought well let's check it out for a second. And there was this former Dutch athlete, and he went to some club, where all kinds of young christians, atleast they said they were christians, were listening to all kinds of worldly music and getting wasted(needless to say that didn't speak good for them, but we can't judge the heart), something that in itself seemed rather strange to me. Then the guy went outside, and sat down near a group of young christians, and he asked them, so why should I become a christian? what does it offer me? The only response they had was, it gives you a purpose in life. Meanwhile I was thinking, there is so much more to Christianity than it giving you a purpose in life, why not say that. But now you wrote this, and I agree, there is no presentation of answers, there is just adding to questions, and generalities. And ofcourse on the internet there are die-hard atheists, that are former Christians. They indeed love to boast about it, I always love to boast back, I used to be an atheist myself, how about a cookie. They can't stand that lol.

I'm young myself, grew up in a church, but I wouldn't say I was raised a Christian. But I do know what most of these young kids in the churches like and love. I've heard worldly music(you know the type of rape, sex, drugs, murdering etc.) at social gatherings that I'm certain now griefs God. Yet the church wouldn't change it, I know the attitude those kids got in church, and I know for a fact that they love to listen to the game(football or soccer whatever you like to call it, is the state religion next to Liberalism) when they go to the afternoon service(yes while in church). Others just use their smartphone to browse the internet etc. But raising Godly children starts at home. We are in a society today that loves to put blame somewhere else, but fact of the matter is the problems often start at home. Kids go crazy, yeah blame the schools, kids become atheist(though the Dutch have loved that for the last 30years or so) blame the church, we become obese, blame the food industry, etc. Yet while the church has an influence on your child, the true influence is what he/she gets at home. Seriously speaking, does your kid see you praying through your problems and get your strength from God? Does your kid see you repent of your sins? Does your kid ever touch a bible, or even see you touch one? Does your kid ever see you what The Lord has asked you to do for Him? The list goes on and on, but most parents that go to church today, would have to answer with a lot of no's I'm afraid, as would my parents, they just say yeah but I send me kids to bible study and to church. But that is not the Christian way of being an example. In Deuteronomy 6:7-9 God does not tell Israel to let the priests raise their Children as godly people, He tells every person to write His laws on the walls, on the doors, on the door posts, endlessly talk about them etc. In other words He puts the responsibility on the parent. So parents that wonder what went wrong, should examine themselves, and their own salvation, before they point fingers somewhere else. Besides why think the church is the place to make your child a christian, you are a christian 24/7 not just the time you spent in church.

[mattfivefour]

In Deuteronomy 6:7-9 God does not tell Israel to let the priests raise their Children as godly people, He tells every person to write His laws on the walls, on the doors, on the door posts, endlessly talk about them etc. In other words He puts the responsibility on the parent. So parents that wonder what went wrong, should examine themselves, and their own salvation, before they point fingers somewhere else. Besides why think the church is the place to make your child a christian, you are a christian 24/7 not just the time you spent in church.

Excellent point, bro!

[Robert]

Kids cannot live on "hand me down faith"; in fact, no one can. Unless each of us has a personal relationship with the Lord, where we have come to him for salvation because we have been convicted of our sin and not because "that's what my folks believe", then we are no more saved than a piece of cheese. These kids may know OF Christ but do they KNOW Christ? Do they REALLY, PERSONALLY know him?


Have they met The Man from Galilee? Do they walk with him?