I will try to explain my life and how God saved me from the dark depths I placed myself at. Sorry so lengthy but you will see how everything was orchestrated perfectly.
When i look back at the beginning of my life to see how i ended up at the point i am now I feel as though I had a pretty normal childhood, and by that i mean nothing traumatic. I grew up in South Texas, my mother was from Mexico and my father was an American from California. They never divorced and they were great parents for the most part. She was raised as a catholic and she would make us attend a traditional church as childrem. I remember being told about Jesus because I attended an after school program and I was told the story about him but I didnt really fully understand Him at the time. You see I did not like going to the Sunday services because I did not get the message of God. I honestly never understood or connected to what was being said to us in the church. It just seemed like routines and traditions but no message behind it. Eventually I stopped going to church around 11/12. When I was 13 my life drastically changed, due to the choices I made, by free will. I started drinking, having sex, smoking, partying, etc . I thought the way you got a guy to like you was to have sex with them. Unfortunately, I didnt really care or see anything wrong with this. Now that I look back I feel as though I was really shaped and molded by the American culture, music, media, etc. I remember always telling my mom she didnt understand what I was going through because the American culture is very different from the Mexican culture. I ended up living this sexual, party life at the young age of 13 until about 15 I finally decided that I was going no where having "booty calls." I got a boyfriend that I was pretty happy with and it really helped me with my first sense of love (besides family love). I really enjoyed being faithful for once in my life. I had an urge to be good, I wanted to be a great girlfriend. Around this time a new, modern church was built in the city and I tried it out and actually liked it because I finally understood it a little, the problem with this church was that it may have been a little too far from the Word of God, it was
like those "megachurchs" that get alot of followers because they only tell the "good things people want to hear", but didnt put that fear of God in you to make you want to repent. Then I remember suggesting to my mother that we move from Corpus Christi, to a larger city, San Antonio. And somehow she agreed it was a good idea. So I tried to work a long distance relationship after we moved, and yeah at age 15/16 thats not really easy, so that relationship crumbled. It's hard to explain that I am shy because you would think after everything I have been through that I am not but I am. Well I ended up not knowing anyone or socialising much at my new high school my junior year, but I had a few friends I met. I went out to a teen club one night and ended up finding a guy that I ended up talking to. And he was the most unappealing guy, I say that first and foremost because it speaks of my mentality at the time. You see I had this thought in my head that I should not care about how one looks on the exterior but how they are on the inside. Well at the beginning of our relationship I was tricked, deceived, easily. I was easily taken advantage of, I wanted love but I will admit I was attracted to "bad boys." I wanted to be that girl that helped them change their life around. Well this relationship ended up getting really bad, constant emotional abuse, lies, lots of lies. I ended up getting pregnant my senior year in high school. I had my son the summer after I graduated (thank God I didn't give up high school). While I was pregnant though is when the relationship was at its worst, I was being cheated on basically in front of my face and my son's father was on hard drugs. I had no friends because he would not allow me to and I was to the point of emotional abuse that I wanted to die. In fact I was planning on taking a bunch of pills to end my life while I was pregnant. I revealed this plan to my son's father over the phone, while he was around the corner from my house with a girl he was cheating on me with, and he said he was coming to come check on me. I waited for him for an hour and noticed, he's not even going to come. This actually shocked me so much that I did not want to do it anymore. I gave up all hope on him/us, for some reason before this moment I had always thought "our relationship would go back to the way it was at the beginning, when it was great." After that I started to try to branch out, I found a friend that was similar to me who helped me get out of this relationship, thank God. Finally around 19/20 years old I ended up separating from him, which is really hard when you have a child with someone. But he seemed to fade out without me even pushing him to fade. I soon began to think "the best way to get over one love is to find another one, the real one." This time I approached love with a different mindset: I will never be treated the same, if a guy messed up, I moved on ASAP. I sorted through many guys and messed up many times, resorting to sexual behaviors, which in my eyes was not sinful because I did not think about God, I did not know God. I kinda began a double life, I began college and had a full time job but at night or whenever I wanted to do something my mother would watch my son for me and I would go out and party, I had more friends at this point. Then I made a crucial mistake, my friend at work suggested we should try to be exotic dancers, strippers, on the side for extra, fast money. I thought about it and I remember thinking about a time when I was young and thought it was something I wanted to do one day and this was my chance. I really wanted to try it to see how it was. Since I am shy, I intoxicated myself the first night, and just about every night after, and I really loved it, made an "easy" $500 in one night "dancing." I even decided to quit my job and
just go to school and dance so I could have more time with my son. For some reason I told my mom what I was doing, I felt like I couldnt lie to her even though I was a VERY disrespectful daughter. While I was doing this I was still searching for a guy and I remember one time getting so sad that I hadnt found someone that I wished in my head in the shower "God I just want someone to love me, really love me." It took me a while but my prayer was granted, but I did not notice it was due to God's work for a long time. I met a guy, at a night club of all places, I remember being intoxicated that night and many guys trying to talk to me but I turned them all down. Then this guy came up to me who caught my attention, he was so tall and confident. When we talked there in the middle of a night club, intoxicated, I felt like everything around me disappeared, we "clicked" right away and had the most interesting conversation, like we had already known each other forever. Well we hit it off and come to find out he had dated a stripper before so he was not so weirded out by my job. He had a
rough past, was selling drugs big time and had just got out of jail before he met me. He was still selling drugs a little when we were first together but I helped him quit that lifestyle because I did not want him to go to jail again. I was truely in love and knew he was a good guy and we began to help each other improve our lives. He was there for my son, which was important to me because his real father came and
went as he pleased, usually seeing him once a month or less, sometimes I got lucky and he saw him about 4 times a month. Well being a stripper during a recession started to take a toll, money was scarce, I started failing in college and got pretty depressed but my man always kept me smiling and as happy as much as he could. Unfortunately he was still on probation from the drug charge he went to jail for, and it was the biggest hassle of life. He had to attend classes, have drug tests, do so many community service hours well somewhere along the line he messed up & ended up in jail for a couple months. Life seemed horrible. Well after he got out of jail, our love was even more intense, I had stayed faithful to him and remembered all the happiness he gave me and knew I couldnt find it else where. We continued our lives together...
One day he ran into our room and told me about how he had seen on the internet that Lady Gaga was a devil worshipper, and her music was mind controling people. And I remember saying "your dumb dont believe everything you see on the internet!" And I was mad because I would dance to her music and Rhianna at the strip clubs, I didnt want to believe it. Well I looked at youtube videos almost all day of stuff like this (illuminati) and even though I knew some parts could be false I knew there was truth behind the satanic things I saw. I still
remember what determined it was true to me, watching Lady Gaga's "Alejandro" music video. Even though there were videos interpreting the satanic symbolism, I could see for myself what she was doing in the video (upside down crosses on her crotch, swallowing a rosary, etc.). It scared me it really did, after watching a whole day of **** near every music artist and other media related things I had been so accustomed to seeing/hearing, exposing the real purpose for what they do. They had been teaching me in songs since I was young
that it was ok to have sex, that it was ok to drink. It was really as though my eyes were opened to many things, I could finally understand that I had been living a very sinful life. I thought, if there's evil that intense to want to influence others then there must be GOOD it is working against, which side am I truely on? Although I had been doing bad things, I was overall a good-hearted person. I thought about how I did believe in a creator, I did not believe we were all put here by "coincidence" or merely science by itself. But i thought to myself, how do I know what creator to believe in? I wanted to make sure I wasnt getting tricked into anything else. I had some doubts about the bible, thought it was probably altered by humans and their evil schemes. I talked to my boyfriend about the bible and luckily he was raised in a Christian home so he knew a little about God and would tell me stories that his mom would tell him. My curiousity in God flourished, I remember one of my first prayers was that if the God of the Holy bible was the "correct" God that he guide me and show me he is the One. This all happened about one year ago. I even began reading small parts of the bible, I didnt really know where to start. One night I was trying to still understand everything, and I was thinking about how messed up the world was in bed. After hours of thinking, something supernatural happened to me. I hope I can describe it well enough, to me it felt like something entered my body and I felt tingles throughout my entire body. And I just knew it had to be God, probably the Holy Spirit now that I know more. While this feeling overcame my entire body it made me really happy and feel special, like wow I am being heard! And I thought to God "I just want to hug you," and something more amazing happened, I felt the tingling change, like get stronger or something, and it felt like He was seriously hugging me for a couple seconds. And everytime I kept thinking over and over about him hugging me and every time I thought this it would happen, that hug feeling. For about 15 minutes I felt this tingling/hugs and then it went away. It was amazing and I feel blessed to have been able to feel it. At that point I just couldnt deny God and I started to really study the bible and other sacred texts more. And now I see the evidence everywhere. One of my favorites "proofs" is how God predicted Israel's people returning from exile around the world and it happened in the 1940s! Before reading the bible I honestly didnt know that Israel wasnt a country until recently, and now I understand events going on in the world! (And peoples hatred towards Gods people)
My life has changed soo much over this last year since I found God, before I dont even know if I thought about God more than twice a year and now not a day goes by where I dont think about him. There are many things in my life I am still trying to change, at first I didnt repent from my sins and I felt miserable knowing the word of God but still had my "job." And I would just go to work sadly knowing the Truth. I felt as though I was in a situation where I needed to keep the job until I had a good financial situation. Which made me feel worse because I knew that you are supposed to surrender and He will work things out. Well I waited and finally I was able to leave that life and never look back! I want to thank God again for waiting on me to notice Him and not punishing me for my doubts. And sacrificing His son, Jesus Christ so I can be forgiven for everything evil I have done.
And since then I have seen God work wonders in my life and my boyfriends. We are still very happy with each other and help each other stay in the light. We hope soon to get married when we have the opportunity (funds)! I never listen to the old music I used to listen to, I enjoy listening to christian rock, especially Flyleaf is my fav band Ive been going through alot of ups and downs lately (just found out yesterday that my boyfriends job fired him after promoting him because they found out about his felony and had a problem with it! it took a long time to find this job and it just seemed like everything was soo perfect for the last month & then it got ripped away.)
.. but I know that it is all just a test of faith and Im ready to pass every test thrown at me.
I have not told people my story but I really want to reach others and let them know the Good News. I would love to write a book telling more details about my story and God's story! I want to help souls get saved! I feel so blessed to have been awaken by my Father and I wish I could say sooo much more, like about another supernatural event that happened and other "proofs" that helped me find God and prove He is the One & Only! But this is already super long.
I am still going to college and struggling a bit because I feel like I was trying to do a career that isn't for me. Im still trying to sort out some things in my life, with God in my mind. I really enjoy reading bible prophecies and its amazing because sometimes I feel like I really understand meanings I would have never understood before. I cant put down my bible, there's always wisdom to be gained! I really wanted to post my story on here because I want to branch out to my brothers and sisters, especially those interested in the same things as me. Keep in touch with me & lets help each other with our biblical studies!
Thank you for listening to my story, even though I was nervous to tell strangers my story, I know in my heart that there is only One who can judge me!
"And I heard, but I understood not: then said I, O my Lord, what shall be the end of these things? And he said, Go thy way, Daniel: for the words are closed up and sealed till the time of the end. Many shall be purified, and made white, and tried; but the wicked shall do wickedly: and none of the wicked shall understand; but the wise shall understand." (Daniel 12:8-10 KJV)