It's time for me to give my Testimony of Jesus when He saved me

**myinnuendo999** · January-24th-2010, 02:04 PM

You see my life was not pretty. I was sexually molested by my Father between the age of 5-11. I was very confused about sexuality and struggled to do the right thing. I used to blame all men for being unfeeling and just wanting one thing. My confusion as I grew to my teenage years caused me to look to the same sex and I struggled to hide those feelings all my life cause I knew they were wrong. They were like this hidious plague and tortured me every day of my life. I pulled up my bootstraps and did the RIGHT things. I was STRONG and I held it all in. I actually thought that being "good" was what Christianity was all about.

But, The torture inside my heart continued and I saw myself for who I was for the first time before God. I saw Jesus so good and ME so bad. That torture and hate inside my heart was building to this huge explosion and I found myself doing the very things I hated. Me a hypocrite? come on I was keeping it hidden. I found myself lashing out at my husband and I was no longer able to hold in my anger or hate anymore and just tuck it away in my heart in secret. Soon I was openly cursing at my husband and physically trying to fight with Him. I was doing things that I hated and said I'd never be. I think that scared me to see what I thought I could hide people from seeing was in open view now.. I was this Big hypocrite and I hated it surfacing

Anyways fast forwards--- I was having all these problems in my marriage and I knew divorce was wrong but didn't know what to do. So, for some reason I when I was looking in the fone book for lawywers this fear gripped me and I was drawn to my Bible to see what God had to say. My Bible had been on the shelf probably about 5 years and I don't know why I would be concerned about God's opinion but I was. I knew about Jesus, sin, heaven and hell and I had been to church all my life. I even prayed many times for forgiveness and asked Jesus in my life. Nothing happened.

So, anyways, I decided to read about husbands and wives and their roles in life to see if I could just do what the Bible said and clean all this mess up..But I started reading the passages and and I couldn't God you mean I'm supposed to "SUBMIT" to my husband? I wanted to but I couldn't. I knew I could NOT do what the Bible said wives were to do and I was HOPELESS. I struggled back and forth trying to figure out an easy way out of this mess.

A week later I was in my kitchen and it was like I was weighing my whole life and I realized that NOTHING I did worked. If anything I couldn't pull up my bootstraps anymore. I was turning into this beast. I was unhappy, hopeless and miserable. It was like I could see my whole life and it was meaningless and all I had WORKED FOR to keep in LINE was falling apart out of control. I knew I couldn't do what the Bible said so I was Empty with no answers. Within minutes of seeing my life flash before me, I heard God speak to me---not in an audible voice but in my heart. He said to me very clearly and with this small calm whisper "to give His Son a chance"... And I stopped and thought, and I said to God,,, I can't. At that very moment that I said I can't,,,I saw for the first time Myself how horrible "I" was. All my life I pointed my finger at other people being the 'Source" of why I was so unhappy and miserable. It was always THEIR fault for why I am like I am.

Within 5 minutes I'd say cause time seemed to stand still, God spoke to me again and said Linda, you have nothing to loose give my Son a chance. I thought you know, "You've done things your way all your life and it never worked". So, I walked in the living room weighed my whole life and saw how I had Nothing to loose, bowed my knee and for the FIRST time in my life I MEANT what I said.. I asked Jesus to forgive me and come in my life and I said what I'd never said before---"I will follow you wherever you go" and I meant it. When I got up it was like this huge burden was gone. My heart was soooo clean and full of Joy. I had carried bitterness, hate anger and revenge all my life and when Jesus forgave me of MY SINS it was GONE--all Gone!

I was so FREE from the torture and my mind was no longer plagued by those horrible thoughts. I was aware of Jesus' presence for the first time in my life. I started reading the Bible in Matthew and it came alive. I read "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled..."My eyes widened and God spoke to ME. That was ME!!!! ME!... I had searched ALL my life for righteousness and never found it. I tried and tried to make my life right and justify my anger and hate towards my dad and others around me but never was happy or satisfied. When Jesus took away all my sins and filled me up with God's love, my Mind was at PEACE. I can't tell you the JOY that filled my heart

For the first time I found what I had been searching for all my life---JESUS. He washed all that hate, anger and bitterness away--my sins. THAT'S what that burden was that was taken off my shoulders.. I was aware for the first time in my life of a love that I didn't have before-- God's love--so PURE and FREEING. I was aware of being able to do things that took an act of God first. I was able to forgive my dad for the first time in my life. It is a JOY to be able to truly forgive because you have truly been forgiven first by God. I couldn't WAIT to tell my dad what Jesus did for me and I did. I didn't have that power before.. I knew for the first time that I was saved and was not afraid of death. I can't tell you what a JOY it is to know you are SAVED. I was aware of how REAL God is and not some distant far away "impersonal" God you cannot get near. He is REAL and personal. I now know what true Christianity is all about. I fell in love with a Person and Jesus is His name. I remember not wanting to go to sleep cause I wanted to spend every moment with Jesus. I didn't want to stop praying to Him and I became so hungry for His word.. I can truly devote my whole life to Him.

I long to see men and women set FREE from the day after day torture and pain. Jesus is my Knight and shinning armor. I never thought I could truly love anyone but with Jesus I can truly love everyone. One of my most favorite verses is "For whom the Son sets free is FREE INDEED"-John 8:36. One of my most favorites lines in a song it "He touched me Oh he touched me and all the joy that floods my soul, something happened and now I know He touched me and made me whole.." " people who are caught up in any kind of sin are needing those iron bars cut down by Jesus....There is HOPE and JESUS IS HIS NAME....

Touch someone's life Jesus I pray

**mikalikat** · January-24th-2010, 02:57 PM

Huge smile on my face here. You brought it all so real and personal and intimate to us and I thank you. God bless you, sweet lady.

**mattfivefour** · January-24th-2010, 03:15 PM

Beautiful, Linda, absolutely beautiful. What a wonderful testimony! I so enjoy reading the testimonies of how Jesus works in people's lives, how He brings them to Him, healing their hurts and changing them more and more into His image. Hallelujah! His love, His grace, His mercy is beyond measure. Thank you for sharing your story, sis. I am so sorry for the pain you experienced as a child ... and as an adult; but I praise God for His goodness! And I pray your testimony here is used by our Father to bring others to the same personal, saving knowledge of Jesus Christ that you and I and so many, many, many others are blessed to enjoy.

**Longing2cJesus** · January-24th-2010, 03:28 PM

Linda,

Thank you so very much for sharing your testimony with us. Only with Jesus by your side could you have shared such as you did. Only with Jesus in your heart could you forgive like you have.

Reading it brought tears to my eyes because Jesus is so loving and caring to those that belong to Him.

God Bless you my sister as you continue to grow in Him.

Ann

**LivnForChrist** · January-25th-2010, 12:10 AM

Wonderful testimony Linda. God is so good. My pastor has been teaching on "I've got
nothing to lose". It's amazing what God can do when we've reached the end of ourselves
and realize that we have nothing to lose by trusting Jesus and accepting his death on
the cross as payment for our sins. Hallelujah!

**anath** · January-25th-2010, 04:08 PM

Praise God, Linda, you have victory & joy in your life that only Christ can give.
Thank you sis for sharing from your heart what Jesus has done for you

**Perhaps Today** · January-26th-2010, 07:02 PM

Linda, I feel so bad for the awful things you endured as a child, but I'm happy to see your life has been transformed by The Lord Jesus Christ. It was a bold step to share this with us, and I want to thank you for doing so. May God's blessing be upon you always.

**myinnuendo999** · January-26th-2010, 10:57 PM

Oh, don't feel bad for me because If God didn't "allow" such bitterness in my life, I would never have known the greatest delight of Freedom in forgiveness and the Joy unspeakable in Christ. It's so easy for me to forgive compared to most-- all because I know God truly took the Years that the locusts had eaten and has restored me in Christ for His glory. I read God's word and it really is alive--I did eat them and they were sweet to me--

"He who is full loathes honey,To the Hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet"Proverbs 27:7... Jesus makes everything so sweet -

Jesus is my Supreme Treasure

**ashleightay** · February-16th-2010, 03:25 AM

I was reading your story, and I so seen my self... You really cheered my heart, reading what the LORD has done for you. My life was some what like yours, and I became someone I didnt even know. i even did something that I said I could never do. I tried to kill myself! Thank You Dear GOD, you saw something worth saving. I turned to the bible one day, and started reading. Before long I had been reading for a couple of hours. I saw something that day I had never seen before. I saw JESUS! I saw a real man, who really came from heaven and did so many miracles, and he really was put to death for our sins....I ask jesus to forgive me of my sins that day, and I told him that he would never find me like that again!!! I closed my eyes to pray with my life in darkness. When i opened my eyes i could breath for the first time in a very long time. I felt as if the world was lifted off my shoulders that day. I KNOW I got SAVED that day in my room, I felt Jesus, and heard JESUS talk to my heart that day. I heard the words,"i've been here all the time, all you had to do was let me in"...Thats been 2 yrs.ago, and Ive had peace in my life ever sense....PRAISES TO THE LIVING GOD!!!..I just wish everyone could feel true happiness. They could, if they only would give him a chance....Thank you again for your story, you brightened my day!!!!

**myinnuendo999** · February-17th-2010, 09:39 PM

Originally Posted by ashleightay

I was reading your story, and I so seen my self... You really cheered my heart, reading what the LORD has done for you. My life was some what like yours, and I became someone I didnt even know. i even did something that I said I could never do. I tried to kill myself! Thank You Dear GOD, you saw something worth saving. I turned to the bible one day, and started reading. Before long I had been reading for a couple of hours. I saw something that day I had never seen before. I saw JESUS! I saw a real man, who really came from heaven and did so many miracles, and he really was put to death for our sins....I ask jesus to forgive me of my sins that day, and I told him that he would never find me like that again!!! I closed my eyes to pray with my life in darkness. When i opened my eyes i could breath for the first time in a very long time. I felt as if the world was lifted off my shoulders that day. I KNOW I got SAVED that day in my room, I felt Jesus, and heard JESUS talk to my heart that day. I heard the words,"i've been here all the time, all you had to do was let me in"...Thats been 2 yrs.ago, and Ive had peace in my life ever sense....PRAISES TO THE LIVING GOD!!!..I just wish everyone could feel true happiness. They could, if they only would give him a chance....Thank you again for your story, you brightened my day!!!!

Your testimony brought such tears to my eyes and I elated with JOY to God YES that I was able to bless someone in the NAME of JESUS. And it's a priviledge and honor to serve you dear sister.

I am so VERY glad He saved you ashleightay;200160 and I know "EXACTLY what you mean by wishing everyone could feel true happiness if they would just give Jesus a chance..

**ftwspursfan** · February-19th-2010, 03:23 AM

Originally Posted by LivnForChrist

Wonderful testimony Linda. God is so good. My pastor has been teaching on "I've got
nothing to lose". It's amazing what God can do when we've reached the end of ourselves
and realize that we have nothing to lose by trusting Jesus and accepting his death on
the cross as payment for our sins. Hallelujah!

You're so right, LivnForChrist. There are so many amazing stories that we all could share of how the Lord has been there for us when we are put into a place of total dependence on Him. My wife and I are in a broken place right now in dealing with her cancer but the Lord is getting and will continue to get all the Glory for everything He has and will do.

Linda, you have shared a wonderful testimony and Ashleigh, don't be a stranger. Hang around with us and you'll see and hear some great and mighty things that God is doing in all of us here at RF.