When I picked my name, I meant it!

**bghtnpd4** · November-9th-2008, 02:51 PM

Since we have so many new members here I thought I would take a minute to let them get to know me a bit. My name is Shelle and I have been a Christian since I was 15. That's...let me do the math...26 years now that I have been walking with the Lord. Or, should I say, He's been walking with me.

After becoming a Christian I had no clue what to do next. I was raised in an abusive home and had no real foundation in the principles of Godly living, so I was really a sheep accounted for the slaughter early in my Christian walk. As a result, I did everything a Christian should'nt. I got into alcohol, drugs, sex, you name the sin and I committed it. I rivaled Paul for the chief of all sinners role, I assure you. I kept drifting and drifting from the things of God, but always believed in Jesus, and even in the depths of my sin would share Jesus with others. I felt like I was just holding on by a fingernail all of those years until...

About ten years ago I had begun to believe Jesus wasn't real. My marriage was suffering, I was in a dark depression that I couldn't get out of. We were having terrible financial difficulties. Our families hated us. You name the trial and we were in it or had already suffered through it. So, one night I had just had enough. It was late at night and I was lying in bed literally screaming at God in my head. Cursing at Him, actually, in the most vile ways I could think of. Telling Him I didn't think He was real and that the Bible was all a lie.

My head was spinning so fast and the vile, disgusting thoughts coming so quickly that I couldn't even keep up with them all. Then, in one instant, everything stopped, all of the thoughts in my head were gone and my mind was completely silent. I sat quietly, not moving, when I heard as clear as a bell a male voice in my head say, "Shelle, you do NOT speak to me in that manner." I was in awe. Complete and total awe. There was no fear or condemnation. All I felt was peace. And then came the repentance...for months after that I was drawn to learn everything I could about Jesus and the Bible. He led me to the right websites and the right people. To the right books, radio and television programs. I was behind and I knew it. I felt it. I also felt a tugging at my heart to repent of all of the sins I had been keeping secret all of these years, including the night I was the most ashamed of~that night I screamed and cursed at Him.

So, I determined one night that this was the night for my, (for a lack of a better term) COME TO JESUS MEETING. I stayed up all night, crying, pouring my heart out to Him, begging His forgiveness for all of the vile horrible things I had done and said in my rebellion and unbelief. I asked Him to bring to mind every single thing I needed to repent of, and He did. It was the most gut-wrenching, painful, humiliating, humbling prayer I have ever prayed in my life. I finally knew what He had done for me and what I had been doing to Him all of those years that he had never left me nor forsaken me. He saw my beginning from my end and knew this day would come. He knew it would be painful and that I would come to the realization that I had brought every bit of the pain on myself by my choices and behavior. I had no excuse to doubt or blame Him anymore.

Although it was the most painful night of my life, it was also the most beautiful. In my most horrible confessions of the most vile things, as I was begging His forgiveness, I felt the most overwhelming peace and comfort that I have ever known. It is absolutely indescribable. I had been forgiven and cleansed in a way I had never known before. I had a full knowledge of His love and grace in my life~where He had carried me, placed me, guided me, and led me to THIS room at THIS time to pray THIS prayer and to be filled with THIS forgiveness, redemption and release. The burden had been lifted. It was gone. Delt with. Put as far east as far west. Never to be remembered against me again.

Since that time I have prayed one, and only one prayer consistently: "Jesus, I want less of me and more of You." And, everyday He has been providing it, answering it. Drawing me closer to Him, His word, His truth. Helping me to overcome, to conquer, to finish the race strong and reach the prize. So, for what it's worth, that's my story. Not my complete story, of course, but enough that you can glimpse a small piece of my heart and what it took for Jesus to get me here.

*Tears streaming* In all of my of kicking and screaming He loved me anyway; and for that, I will be eternally grateful. I love you, Jesus. Thank you for saving a wretch like me. Thank you that I am bought and paid for by Jesus...

**PraisingHimAlways** · November-9th-2008, 03:16 PM

Wow. That is awesome, absolutely awesome!

Welcome to the board, Shelle! And have a wonderful, blessed day!

**bghtnpd4** · November-9th-2008, 03:19 PM

Thanks for the welcome, sister. What a hoot...I was just welcoming YOU in your thread!!!

But, I am not new here. I've been a member since the board's inception. I am grateful every day that Chris invited me here. This is truly my home away from home and I hope it will be for you too, dear sister.

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**Glory to God** · November-9th-2008, 03:37 PM

Praising God for His Amazing Love, Mercy and Grace

:praise

Thank you Shelle

**mattfivefour** · November-9th-2008, 03:44 PM

Oh wow, Shelle ... that brought tears to my eyes. The God we serve is so AWESOME! And how can we do anything in response to His incredible love and mercy but to praise Him and desire to give ourselves to Him COMPLETELY?

**anath** · November-9th-2008, 07:07 PM

Thank you Shelle

2: Thank you Lord for loving us all sooooooo much!!!

**open door** · November-9th-2008, 07:29 PM

shelle, thank you for your witness.i was brought to tears, also. it seems at times when we "bottom out", He steps in, and saves us. you may have been on the forum for a while, but you are new to some of us who haven't been here so long, and we are blessed to have you as our sister in Christ. keep looking up

**Suzanne** · November-9th-2008, 10:27 PM

Little Sister, what can I say???I already knew your testimony, and it's still bringing me to tears. I feel priviliged to be your friend and to have travelled from board to board with you until Chris brought us to RF and our home away from our heavenly home.

I've lived through a lot of what you did, and it's a tough old road to travel. I know that it's only God's grace that brought us both to where we are now.

You are a wonderful friend and my little sister. I praise God for you.

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**bghtnpd4** · November-10th-2008, 01:47 AM

I love you guys too, and can't WAIT until we are all getting to know each other around the supper table!!! Shouldn't be too long now before we hear the supper bell ringing...:) And, Suz, you know the deal~the seat right next to me is saved for you, just like we've planned! And then, right after dinner, we're off to our very own, special, outside coffee shop with the beautiful pink and black umbrellas! Just you and me, sister...

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**light4mypath** · November-10th-2008, 03:59 AM

Shelle, this brought tears to my eyes. Because I know what is it to be so angry at God that we curse Him. So angry that we can walk away from Him. Yet, He patiently waits for us to fall back into His arms, all the while getting us through each day when we could not get through those days ourselves. Not only does He carry us through it, but also welcomes us back with loving open arms and holds us tighter than ever!!

Now that's Love!!! :praise

**Suzanne** · November-10th-2008, 04:35 AM

Originally Posted by bghtnpd4

I love you guys too, and can't WAIT until we are all getting to know each other around the supper table!!! Shouldn't be too long now before we hear the supper bell ringing...:) And, Suz, you know the deal~the seat right next to me is saved for you, just like we've planned! And then, right after dinner, we're off to our very own, special, outside coffee shop with the beautiful pink and black umbrellas! Just you and me, sister...

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You know that I'm looking forward to it.

We will have a blast! Love You

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**snowfox** · November-12th-2008, 02:07 AM

Thank you so much sister. That testimony was really beautiful in that it showed how much God is always there for us. Always ready to forgive and heal. How he lifts up those he loves. Thank you again. I want to read this over again. God bless you. I love your testimony so much.

He is beautiful!

**Clark08** · November-12th-2008, 04:30 AM

Originally Posted by light4mypath

Shelle, this brought tears to my eyes. Because I know what is it to be so angry at God that we curse Him. So angry that we can walk away from Him. Yet, He patiently waits for us to fall back into His arms, all the while getting us through each day when we could not get through those days ourselves. Not only does He carry us through it, but also welcomes us back with loving open arms and holds us tighter than ever!!

Now that's Love!!! :praise

Great post! Sounds like you have walked where I have walked.

**Vic25** · November-15th-2008, 02:02 PM

your testimony moved me to tears.
I was touched by the way you have put your past behind and have started to live a victorious life for christ.
many people who are deep in sin never usually come out of it and are permanently lost . i pray that God will bring back those brothers and sisters all over the world who think that they have lost their battles with sin to repentance just as he has brought you.
the fact that you were trying to share the gospel even in those troublesome times shows your love for Jesus .even people for whom all is going well shy away from sharing Christ citing some reason or the other.I believe that now God must be using you to do great things for His kingdom. you are a great inspiration to all of us sis.

**Ort** · November-16th-2008, 10:52 AM

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**mikalikat** · November-16th-2008, 05:15 PM

Oh, sweetie, that was INCREDIBLE--to Him be the glory! He truly is OUR FATHER.

**jacee92** · November-17th-2008, 10:21 AM

Originally Posted by Vic25

your testimony moved me to tears.
I was touched by the way you have put your past behind and have started to live a victorious life for christ.
many people who are deep in sin never usually come out of it and are permanently lost . i pray that God will bring back those brothers and sisters all over the world who think that they have lost their battles with sin to repentance just as he has brought you.
the fact that you were trying to share the gospel even in those troublesome times shows your love for Jesus .even people for whom all is going well shy away from sharing Christ citing some reason or the other.I believe that now God must be using you to do great things for His kingdom. you are a great inspiration to all of us sis.

:iagree

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**ngraham** · November-18th-2008, 02:09 AM

That testimony was beautiful Shelle. I am one of the newbies on the board, but I do thank the Lord for leading me here. I know the depths of sin also. To make matters worse, even after I knew Jesus, I walked away from Him for about 12 years. I'll never understand how I could have done that. But Jesus loved me so much that He never gave up on me. The Holy Spirit continued to speak to my heart, and the Father sent laborers across my path. I don't think there's anyway that we will be able to fully comprehend the love that God has for each of us. I'm excited to meet all of you at the supper table.

**Cindi25** · November-18th-2008, 04:08 AM

Beautiful post Shelle. It seems that so many of us have walked that same path. Praise the Lord for being with us every step of the way!

Keep looking up!!!

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