I don't think most women understand what it means.
I doubt most don't realize the importance of it.
Why is this such a problem ?
I posted this in this section because I'm wanting to hear the female side of it.
Exactly how do you perceive the problem with women and respecting men? I think that a few more details could be helpful in order to offer more of a response.
I'm gonna go ahead and throw my 2 cents in here....
Last night, I watched a show called Bridezillas. Obviously, you have to take such shows with a grain of salt as probably most of it is scripted. But I'm mentioning this show because of how these women act towards everyone, and especially towards their groom to be.
They treat their grooms with a lack of respect, disgust, anger, and general all around contempt. Time and time again I've wondered why the man marries her at the end. If I had a man that treated me like that, I would have said adios a long time ago, let alone get to the point of being engaged.
But what's interesting to me about this show is how much the men just take it. Even when their brides embarrasses them in front of family, friends, and strangers, they still give a long suffering sigh and say "She's not normally like this." Really? I think you can learn a lot about a person by how they deal with stress and pressure in their lives. What they're like in quiet moments is truly magnified when they're under stress.
The problem I see these days is that men aren't really men of character anymore. They don't have a backbone. And the women, I'm sorry to say, will walk all over them and then dump them later simply because the men never stand up to them. Such women are not worth keeping, but if the men don't be a man and a God fearing man at that, then they deserve these women.
Respect is earned, in my opinion. It cannot be demanded. While I was on active duty I saw two kinds of officers whose orders were expected to be followed. Those who 'got down and dirty', working alongside those who they'd given the orders to, and those who gave the order and sat back and watched. There were the officers that led by example, and those that were the kind who were "do as I say, not as I do".
You can imagine who had earned their respect.
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.
First lets put her into 1 of 2 groups: the saved or the unsaved (I'm assuming this is not just a general question but some
female in particular has brought this on )
if she is unsaved, well no more needs to be said. She is not yielded to God therefore she is not guided
by the Spirit. Pray for her salvation first then worry about the rest.
If she is saved, there could be a myriad of reasons.
1. The man may have character flaws that make it hard to respect him. Men sometimes say/do things that damage
his image or the trust factor that a woman has for him. She secretly considers him incompetent or untrustworthy.
2. She may not be submitting to God, therefore is not submitted to her husband either by
showing proper respect to him. She may be walking in the flesh and not walking in the Spirit.
3. Worldly influences from family, friends, and media. On tv in most of the sitcoms I notice a trend here
in the U.S. that men are timid and afraid of displeasing their wives. They are gutless, spineless, and
stupid while the woman is portrayed as tough, smart, and in control.
4. There may be some unresolved anger issues or mistrust in the marriage. She simply may not trust you
to handle things or she's angry about something.
5. Related to #4 but deeper: Unforgiveness. There may be some bitterness that has set in.
6. There may be hormonal reasons. Men may think it's a cop-out but at certain times, the need to
tolerate others are extremely difficult for women. I'm prepping for a hysterectomy and had a shot
that put me into instant menopause. Needless to say, the desire to hurt someone is never that far
below the surface.
7. There may be some other reason not listed here.
Look, if you feel like you wife is not respecting you ( I hope it's your wife because is it someone else then what can you
expect? girlfriend- dump her. If she don't respect you now, she never will..cut it loose. If its a daughter, under age...
you know what to do, if she's grown and acting up...put her out...any other female..(mom, sister, aunt, etc)..Pray for her)
go to the Lord and ask HIM what He would have you to do. Be prepared though, rarely have I gone to the Lord complaining
about my husband when He didn't show me some things about myself that needed dealing with. He will most likely show you
some things about YOU first, then deal with your wife. Pray that he makes you two unified as one. Ask Him to show you areas
where division has been sown into your relationship. Repent of all that YOU and YOUR wife (yes, start by confessing her sins for her)
have done to dishonor the unity in marriage that God desires for you two. Ask the Lord to refresh your relationship and renew your
love for each other. Pray for Him to resurrect what may be dead and/or dying (which most likely includes more than just respect..you will
probably be surprised). Pray that God opens your eyes to all areas that the enemy has tried to destroy your relationship. Then ask the
Lord to rebuke the enemy off your marriage and watch God go to work on your behalf. You must be willing to forgive and to lead the way.
You want your wife to respect you dear brother...show her how it's done! Lead by example. Show her in love how to respect. Show her
how to submit to authority by YOU doing it! Obey God, pray, and leave the rest to HIM.
I'm standing in prayer with you.
I'm looking forward to a praise report that you will post in the prayer section of this board.
PS sometimes we simply don't know what to pray when praying. One thing that I found to help is a book of prayers for marriage
by Stormie O'Martian, it's called "The power of a Praying Wife Devotional". It has prayers for just about all occasions. There are
some out there too for husbands to pray over their wives. It has helped me tremendously as I don't always have the words to say when
going before the Lord but I have seen amazing results. God bless you brother.
Last edited by LivnForChrist; June-27th-2012 at 12:38 AM.
Jesus, coming soon to a cloud near you.
I think just about everybody needs and deserves some measure of respect. Respect on a deep level is earned, but as Christians, it would be of great benefit to our witness if we could treat people in general with basic respect, which is also a form of good manners. Unfortunately, many children are never taught manners, so we get adults who have no manners.
Men deserve to be treated with respect, and they also deserve to be expected to respect themselves. But in these troubled times, neither is happening. Someone can say "its a sign of the times" or whatever, but I think on a deep level, a lot of people are just giving up. Exactly what satan wants too...
So button it up ladies, raise your eyes and give men the basic respect they deserve, then we have a right to expect decency out of them...
My brother as a teenager and young man could fight my fahter so he left us alone physically but still tormented us verbally. We removed my mother from the house after both of us left home and my father started to beat her again.
I honour my father today because the Bible has told me to do so not because my father has changed as my father to this day totally denies he did what he did in the past (and still has verbal fights with us today). He is old an unable to do what he used to do to us.
I do not respect my father because he has DONE nothing to Deserve it!!
Yes I have forgiven him and continue to forgive him.
We are all Sinners and NONE of us just deserve to be respected!
God tells us to respect others even when they are treating us Badly. So if we respect someone we are doing it to serve God and there is no guarantee a person shown respect will reciprocate in Kind. Most abusers will continue to abuse you unless they are miraculously changed in their character by God or you manage to escape their sphere of authority.
My brother and I put up with continued verbal abuse from my father today. We have been paying his bills that he has not managed to cover himself, we visit him at home and get him medical care and have organised some home care. Recently while I was going through my own sickness & medical tests, my brother by himself saw my Dad every day in hospital (despite being verbally abused most of the time he went there & got abused over the phone when I rang him up). My Dad gets treated far better than he deserves and yet we are not treated today any better than we were yesterday. So showing someone respect does not maen you will get treated as you want back. I know I have firsthand experience.
I think your reprimand of Button it up Ladies etc... is totally out of line and really offensive. If you worded it in a gentle and caring way then fine but you have decided to be a judge and jury over our lives and experiences. If you want to correct someone then you should also take a leaf out of your own book and do so with respect. I find that last line of your post disrespectful in itself and you are trying to teach others to have respect?????
Please NOTE men are not the only ones suffering lack of respect today!
Also my brother and I honour my father also in the HOPE he might be Saved but we are not without feelings and often when abused we have to just cut my Dad off by walking out on him or putting down the phone. I cannot just stand there and take it. It does upset me greatly to be verbally abused and I find I don't cope with it as well as I did in the past. I can't cut off my emotions and be more respectful than I am. He is my father and I pray for his salvation and I forgive him again and again. I am a bit of a mess after seeing him each time so it costs me greatly to show him what little respect I can muster. There is a limit to how much I can do for him. My brother is more able and does far more than I can for him these days and my husband also goes over to help my Dad out. Other family are so disgusted by him they have totally cut themselves off from him, they will not see him nor will they speak to him.
The Bible does say show respect to wicked and good people. Unfortunately you are not given an out just because someone is treating you badly. But I find it offesive to be told to BUTTON IT UP and just do it.
BTW why do you think women have to treat me well before they deserve to get respected?? That is not Biblical! We are to show others respect because we obey God's Word but we do not have to earn it.
I have been violently abused, physically and emotionally....I have been raped, and threatened. God doesn't tell us to respect those outside the church. In fact, those unbelievers (which your dad sounds like one) we shouldn't even judge. Respect of our husbands is under submission, and unless the relationship is unequally yoked, we, as women, need to give respect to our husbands, unless what they do is against the will of God.
My problem with men 'demanding respect' is because today they are nothing but glorified children. If they are a true Christian, then they deserve our respect, but it's not a right...not when a child isn't afforded respect either. Grow up guys, and I will respect y'all til the ends of the earth.
And women....don't disrespect your man simply because you don't agree with him. Unless what they do is dangerous to you, them, or your children...you chose them, so if you want their love, then give them respect.
My remark about button it up was in reference to the overabundance of low cut ladies tops, with their cleavage hanging out all over the place. Frankly, I am sick of the utter lack of modesty on the part of women and the disrespect towards men, ourselves and each other.
Hannah, I am truly sorry you suffered so as a kid. I was raised in a big family with a good Father and 3 brothers. Dad made his mistakes, some of them pretty harsh, but he was a good man and I was blessed to have him. My brothers are good men too, as is my husband, and his Dad was in his time. I have had a lot of guy friends, almost missed out on marrying though, that came by surprise after a long dry season.
If we base our attitudes towards men on the worst ones, our perspective is going to suffer. American women are pretty impressed with their successes, but any time something dirty or dangerous needs done, its a man who comes forward. Men grow most of our food, the crops and the livestock. Men do a lot of really dangerous and difficult jobs too, and they do those jobs well. I've known some great guys in my life, and I am better for their friendships and their wisdom. We should encourage all men to be great guys. The crime rate would dive sharply if we did...
I so agree on the whole 'lack of modesty' girls today employ. 14 yr old girls are walking around in belly shirts and booty shorts talking about their latest conquest...I took my kids to the community pool today and a girl, NOT a woman, was bragging about how people call her the 'town ****'. Yay....what a wonderful ambition to have in this life.
But...it takes a male (or more than one) to make her that way. I have 'met' a lot of men on this forum who I hold in high regard. As pastors, brothers, soldiers, etc. they all have my respect. I have struggled to show respect outright, but it is something that I pray for Father to help me with everyday. But, I don't agree that every man deserves respect, BUT I'll give it until it isn't deserved.
Ducati...you have never clarified what your reasoning is behind your asking this question.....
Meg I'm not a bitter twisted Feminist. Never have been a man hater either. I had more than enough intelligence to understand my father was a bad man and I didn't paint all other men with the same brush. I had the wonderful example of a godly grandfather and later came to know Jesus in my late teens so I could then begin to heal and forgive my father (still having to forgive him so many years later for his recent abusive remarks).
I don't need counselling I did that in my early twenties with a Christian counsellor and they really helped me to sort my issues out with my father and his behaviour back then. It is why I am very familiar with scriptures that command us to love even those who do bad towards us.
Men are given the short end of the stick by Feminists regardless if they are good or not.
The role of men is certainly being undermined by the way women disrespect ALL men in general.
However to say regardless of their behaviour they deserve respect and women should just suck it up and give it to them is insane. I totally think you have blinkers on and only see good in men and therefore think all men are good.
For those of us who are Christians we are told we have to Suck it Up by the Bible. However you could have phrased it better.
Women who are not Saved Believers who disrepect men are just one part of the problem. The world is not going to be a better place any time soon unless the root cause of the problem is fixed.
In the Bible we are told to suffer wrong to be merciful to those who treat you harshly and to even show these people respect. So even if a man is not deserving of respect we as Christians are still to show it to them.MT 5:43 "You have heard that it was said, `Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44 But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
LK 6:32 "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even `sinners' love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even `sinners' do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even `sinners' lend to `sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
1PE 2:18 Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. 19 For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. 20 But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. 21 To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.
It is a hard ask for those of us who have to continue to respect someone who is NOT deserving of it!!
The only reason I show respect to my father who has done nothing to deserve it is because God has commanded me to do so.1PE 2:13 Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, 14 or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. 15 For it is God's will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men. 16 Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. 17 Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.
I could from love and a sincere heart show respect to my grandfather even when he got cranky and difficult in his old age. My grandDad had his moments he wasn't perfect. However, his godly character made it easy for me to respect him I didn't feel obliged to do so.
Not every man on this planet just derserves respect was my POINT!
Sorry I haven't responded to my own thread - I actually lost track of it and forgot.
I agree that respect is a two way street and both men (husbands) & women (wives) need to show it and give it to each other.
The Bridezilla point - I know that show and believe me if a relationship starts out that way there ain't no way I'm walkin anywhere with you let alone down the isle to an alter.
I guess my point is the little things that a man can't help. Not every man has an aggressive personality. Not every man has this drive to work his butt off 18 hours a day - 12 to 14 should be enough. Some men still like playing video games. Some men prefer a hot dog over a t-bone steak. Some men are a bit more passive then they are commanding.
So I'm left to assume that women (because I'm a man asking this to women) are only inclined to show or give respect to a man (mainly husband) that posses traits that they find worthy of a "manly" status...?... EVEN IF THE MAN IS COMPLETLY RESPECTFUL TOWARDS HER ?
Well, personally I don't believe that there are 'little things that a man can't help'. If he chooses to work 12 hours a day, play video games (or other pasttimes) or to eat a hot dog over steak....these are still choices. It's the end result of those choices that determine if it's a problem. If these choices hurt the family, financially, emotionally, or spiritually...then it's not a lack of respect for a woman to address these issues in the context of love.
For example....I DESPISE video games, they are the bane of my existance, but my husband loves them (of course). For me to remind him that time is better spent engaging with his children instead of wasting 3 hours in front of the console....that's not a lack of respect on my part, even though he disagrees. Respecting his pasttime choice means that if I don't have a valid excuse to stop it, then I live with it. So when there's extra money, and when the kids are sleeping, he gets all the gaming he wants. This is also how he respects me...by not continuing to insist on getting his way simply because it's what he wants, even though all of us would suffer. Of course this didn't happen overnight, but it did happen
I think that women today have been raised to be self-reliant because of the feminist movement...and that also made men more passive-aggressive. I have heard men say, when they were called out for being in the wrong, to head for the safety of pass/agres statements such as 'every thing is always my fault, you don't agree with anything I say, etc'. The combination makes for an ugly relationship to say the least.
Like I have stated previously...I respect men, until they do something to lose that respect.
A few examples of what I find disrespectful......I may list some more later.
1. Wife > "We are behind on our bills because you don't make enough money"
Husband > "Then get a job and help out and stop spending what little I do make."
2. Wife > "You need to be more assertive like _______ and stand up like a man."
Husband > "You mean bull headed full of testosterone and aggression quick to rage ?"
3. Wife > "You and those stupid video games , why don't you grow up"
Husband > "Because you don't like them that makes me childish and need to grow up ?"
4. Wife > "You eat like a 12 year old , whats wrong with adult food ?"
Husband > "I don't like salad and veggies , dose a hot dog or pizza make me 12 ?"
5. Wife > "You need to slow down , you need to use your blinkers more , you follow to close , etc."
Husband > "I drive 60,000 lbs. everyday for a living in city traffic , I think we're safe in the car."
These are just a few examples of what I have heard from people and maybe one or two of my own. These are things that are not destructive to the family or marriage. Maybe, just maybe the "wife" in this case is being a bit critical over things that just get on her nerves - and in that case the change needs to come from her side and not the husbands. We all have things that get on our nerves or get under our skin with our spouses but that shouldn't warrant a tone of disrespect - not even 'addressed in love'. Its better to just say nothing but some women think there husband needs to be mothered - and if he does , ya shouldn't have married him.
I cannot judge a hypothetical nor a real conversation.
God has mercy on all of us that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.
No one through judgement or humiliation or any other technique used to force someone to change does what God desires.
We all have inground Sin and only God is able to change the heart of the person who is Sinning when they willing SUBMIT themselves to Him for change.
My father has not changed after years of Love and Mercy and even being told he has done wrong. Because he has free will to continue Sinning.
So what do you want me to do agree with you in jdugement over somebody??
They are God's business not mine!
MT 7:1 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
LK 6:37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
MT 7:3 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, `Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
While we look intently at the speck in another persons eye have we bothered to take out the plank in our own eyes?
Last edited by Hannah; July-2nd-2012 at 03:32 AM.
The examples you cited, Ducati, are waspish, belittling, and nagging in my opinion. I hope these women didn't say these things in front of their children or their husbands' friends. It does show a lack of respect, and it's totally the wrong way to go about effecting the change these women must desire. For whatever reasons, these women are treating their husbands like they are children. It is sometimes difficult to get out of "mommy" mode, but they should make an effort to do so. I find this behavior appalling. Didn't these women know what these men were like before they married them?
On the other hand, men often do not take an active role in the household beyond being the main breadwinner, and wives feel spread very thin, what with a job, housework, being chief cook and bottlewasher, and doing most of the parenting. She can feel like her husband is just another child to care for, if he doesn't help her more, and that does nothing for her feelings of security or respect for him. I think a woman wants to feel cared for by a man that she sees as strong emotionally and mentally. For her to see her husband as another child--- not so good.
Last edited by ShilohRose; June-30th-2012 at 10:31 AM.
I thought some of the comments on the man's side, and the woman's BOTH were disrespectful. The wife could have chosen a different way to make her point, but the husband quipped back like a petulant child as well. I love the line 'if you want me to stop treating you like a child, than stop acting like a child'.
Take the money comment...the wife shouldn't have said "you don't make enough money", but the man was equally wrong with his return comment. Instead of complaining about her back, he should have said something along the lines of, 'well let's work out a budget we can both follow, and maybe you could get a part-time job to help out until we get things under control. (but if you can't pay your bills neither of them should be spending money on wants instead of needs period).
The food comment should have been phrased like this' you need to eat more vegetables and fruit because they are good for you. I want you to live to be 80, not die from colon cancer at 50, and hot dogs aren't good for you on a regular basis.'
Playing video games doesn't make a person immature, but when they consume your life, and you can't follow an adult conversation about what's going on in the world, but can talk for hours about Marvel vsCapcom 3, then maybe you need to adjust some priorites.
I have no advice about the driving comment....my husband and I are both extremely critical about the other's driving...so we simply agree to keep our mouths shut, grin and bear it until we arrive at our destination. (and you should always use your blinkers...it's not safe for you or other drivers, respectfully, JMHO).
As for your end comments about how all this stems from the wife, again I have to disagree. In the instances you mentioned both parties were equally disrespectful to each other. The wife comes off as being too critical, but the man comes off like a spoiled brat. Every marriage has issues that arises simply because of two people living together. Both people need to work on themselves in order to be a better person. The man needs to makes concessions to the wife in honor of her opinion, and the wife needs to learn to temper her comments.
Right now both parties read like they want their own way, with absolutely no regard to the other person. This is not a marriage, and it doesn't sound like two people who became one flesh.
Like I said in my earlier post, I can't stand video games, but my husband was a gamer when I CHOSE to marry him. It took time for us to come to the arrangement we have, and it caused many fights before that, but the key was that my husband had to make some concessions just like me. See we didn't have all our kids when we got married, so he needed to realize that his argument about 'I knew that when we married' no longer applied. I had to understand that he chose video games as a way to unwind, like I choose to read, so that was important to him to be able to continue.
The point I'm trying to make, in my long-winded, rambling post, is that you both CHOSE to marry the other person, so you both need to suck it up. You BOTH need to change, and you BOTH need to pray together, and separately for God to help those changes come about. Good luck, and I'll pray for you and your wife to come to the point where your love for the other will surpass your need to get your own way.
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