My family is falling apart!

[discusdog]

Hello ladies, I have a real dilemma and wondering if anyone can give some advice? I will try to make this as condensed as I can.
My dd is going to give birth to my first grandchild any day now. The problem is, my dh and ds can't stand my sil. Dh has confronted sil about stealing and also threatened him. My dd is now not speaking with her dad. My dh does not want me to visit my dd and new baby when they move to the state next to us unless he is invited also. My dd does not want any contact with him as he has threatened her dh.
Dh is very depressed about the whole situation and is questioning my loyalty. I will not disown my dd. What is a person to do? I will be praying. This is very hard on my ds and myself also. Anybody gone through anything like this before? Before my dd got married, we were a very tightly knit family

[Meg]

Oh Discus, I am so sorry. Will add you to my prayers!

[Robert]

Hello ladies, I have a real dilemma and wondering if anyone can give some advice? I will try to make this as condensed as I can.
My dd is going to give birth to my first grandchild any day now. The problem is, my dh and ds can't stand my sil. Dh has confronted sil about stealing and also threatened him. My dd is now not speaking with her dad. My dh does not want me to visit my dd and new baby when they move to the state next to us unless he is invited also. My dd does not want any contact with him as he has threatened her dh.
Dh is very depressed about the whole situation and is questioning my loyalty. I will not disown my dd. What is a person to do? I will be praying. This is very hard on my ds and myself also. Anybody gone through anything like this before? Before my dd got married, we were a very tightly knit family

Praying for you and your family, Discus. Hang in there sis.

[discusdog]

Thanks for the prayers Meg and Robert....This is so hard. It reminds me of a verse in the bible about fathers against their daughters, mothers against their sons- in the last days. I don't know where it is.
My daughter and sil are christians. My dh claims he is but is not evident in his walk/words. My ds is sitting on the fence. Just fyi if that gives any additional insight

[Hannah]

Your daughter and SIL are not little children to be so petulant they cannot cope to be in the same room with your husband despite there being some disagreement. Seems as if your husband by your post is willing to go with you and see both of them and his gandchildespite his differences with his SIL.

If you cannot see it I will spell it out for you. Your daughter and SIL are using their child to punish your husband. They are also willing to cause you grief to hurt & punish your husband. Not mature.

I have turned up to funerals and weddings and other family occassions in my family where there have been so many unresloved offences between various members. We always seem to bury those hurts and offences for the sake of the social situation.

Forgiveness needs to flow both ways not just from your husband. Your daughter and SIL need to take steps to work towards a reconciliation as well.

Now your husband may right or wrong but there are two sides to a fight of any kind. However he isn't the only one who needs to make an attempt to reconcile.

If you go against your husband's wishes no doubt you will alienate him and sounds like it your son as well. Personally if you go without your husband it would be disrespectful to him. Not to mention your daughter and SIL will then get away with punishing your husband through you.

Only you can make a decision here.

Personally I can understand your husbands stance and his depression. BTW I observe your daughter is standing by her husband.

I will pray for the reconciliation between the offended parties.

[mattfivefour]

It seems the entire problem began between your husband and your son-in-law. Did your son-in-law indeed steal from you both? And did your husband indeed threaten your son-in-law? Without those facts known, it is very difficult to give any advice. The truth of what happened is critical to a proper understanding of the situation.

But it seems from what you wrote that your daughter and her husband have NOT forbidden you to see your grandbaby. They just do not want your husband around because of his accusation and his threatening behavior. You say your daughter and her husband are Christians but your husband, though he claims to be one, gives no evidence of it either in the way he speaks or the way he lives. (That has always been a big red flag for me ... in my own life and in counseling others.) Those simple facts, if I have accurately repeated what you have said, tell me a lot. It would appear to me that the emotional blackmail is on the part of your husband. Your dd and sil would love to have you visit, but not your husband; your husband, though, does not want you to go without him and is, in effect, sulking ... from what I read in your two posts. But, again, I do not know the truth of the situation that precipitated this.

Regardless, this is indeed a very difficult situation. But God deals with the most impossible situations as He does with the easy ones. Nothing is beyond His healing, restoring power. I suggest both you and your husband go to your pastor for godly counsel. And Vicki and I will join all of the others here in praying for you all.

[Meg]

Praying for wisdom and reconciliation in your family, Discus. Pray for the Lord's wisdom and insight as well, sister, and do your best to persuade peacemaking in your family. The Lord undoubtedly sees things you don't, so pray first, then try to get a calm conversation going with the angry family members individually and privately. When they answer and discuss their feelings, keep in mind that even if their feelings are mistaken, the perception is very real. It can be a delicate matter trying to correct the misconceptions and make peace, and it takes a lot of strength to be the calm one... Trust in the Lord for guidance, and be patient with a process thats probably going to take some time and difficulty to resolve... Avoid accusation whenever possible, that just causes more strife. Remember love, and prayer. Meanwhile, we are praying for you and your family and will continue to do so.

[Suzanne]

Praying for you and your family.

[ShilohRose]

Praying for you and your family.

[discusdog]

Thank you everyone, your prayers are working! God bless you all! I couldn't see the forest through the trees.
First of all, sil has stolen from us and was confronted by my dh. Dh told him that "if you were my son I would kick your ...". sil ran home to pregnant wife instead of discussing it with dh. sil does not walk the walk either, even though he goes to church weekly. He thinks he can steal and then just be forgiven. We have had many problems with him, but try to keep quiet just to keep the peace. Dh had finally had it and sat him down to discuss things.
It just got more complicated with this baby coming. I think I let my emotions rule.
Brief history on sil: Moved from the state next to us after meeting dd over the internet on a christian dating site. Lived in our camper rent free with no contributions toward groceries, etc. for 3 months before we encouraged him to get an apartment. He got a job about 1 month into his three month stay with us. Before that he was living on mom's couch and doing odd jobs here and there. He was 24 when he met my dd. He claimed to have christian youth group training. He seems to be the type of person that expects things to be given to him. For a wedding present we gave them a 5 acre parcel to build a house on. They can't save money to build anything.

[discusdog]

Sorry, ran out of room somehow.
dd told dh that the problems they were having were all dh's fault because he treated her like a princess, and it "wasn't fair to her husband to have to live up to that.":scratch
wow. :writing is therapeutic!
Anyway, thank you Hannah. I spoke to dd about trying to tolerate dd for the sake of the family. I did not accuse her husband of anything but did tell her about her dh theft.
she says it's his adhd which I don't buy. Just making excuses for him. I lovingly told her that for the sake of the baby and family, we need to try to get along. I told her that if dh and ds were not allowed to visit when they move, that I could not either as I have to remain loyal to my husband. I said this lovingly and not threatening. She agreed to allow that and said it would make things stressful. I told her that it would also make things stressful for me if my family were not welcome.
She is close to me so I don't think she will alienate us. This was probably sil's way of getting back at my dh.
So far things are looking alittle better. Thank you all for your prayers. Can't wait to meet you all in Heaven.
I will post updates.

[mattfivefour]

Thanks for the further info, sis! It puts quite a different perspective on things! We will continue to pray for you and all concerned.

[LivnForChrist]

Praying for you guys.

[anath]

joining in praying for your family, discus

[discusdog]

Thank you all for the prayers. Relieved that things are not as volatile. Dd wrote a nice letter to dh. I pray he will respond in a loving way. Their moving may not be so bad after all, (won't have to hide tools). Please come and get us Lord Jesus! I am so tired of it all.
These are dark times for many of us here on the forums I've noticed. Keep looking up everyone!

[Hannah]

[Meg]

Thank you all for the prayers. Relieved that things are not as volatile. Dd wrote a nice letter to dh. I pray he will respond in a loving way. Their moving may not be so bad after all, (won't have to hide tools). Please come and get us Lord Jesus! I am so tired of it all.
These are dark times for many of us here on the forums I've noticed. Keep looking up everyone!

Oh dear sister, how I can relate. I am absolutely exhausted as well... For all that, I am so glad to hear things are lightening up on your end. I have been praying for you every day and will continue to do so.

[Robert]

Thank you all for the prayers. Relieved that things are not as volatile. Dd wrote a nice letter to dh. I pray he will respond in a loving way. Their moving may not be so bad after all, (won't have to hide tools). Please come and get us Lord Jesus! I am so tired of it all.
These are dark times for many of us here on the forums I've noticed. Keep looking up everyone!

[anath]

[mattfivefour]

Thank you all for the prayers. Relieved that things are not as volatile. Dd wrote a nice letter to dh. I pray he will respond in a loving way. Their moving may not be so bad after all, (won't have to hide tools). Please come and get us Lord Jesus! I am so tired of it all.
These are dark times for many of us here on the forums I've noticed. Keep looking up everyone!

Never fear. Our Lord is shaping us into what He wants, teaching us to transfer all hope of help from ourselves and others to Him alone. It is hard to let go of the flesh! Only His Holy Spirit can accomplish that in us and, unfortunately, sometimes suffering is the only way we are willing ( or, sometimes, able) to let Him do that work.