Relational Evangelism

[Meg]

I've heard a term called "relational evangelism" around somewhere. I have recently had cause to notice just how important that practice is. Relational evangelism is when you make friends with unbelievers, especially people who have really difficult situations, and try to show them that the Lord can make a difference somehow. One of the primary ways He can make a difference in their lives is through us. Church people tend to zero in on the homeless, at least its the homeless everyone talks about the most, but we all have friends and coworkers around us who don't have the Lord in their lives, don't understand how or why He makes such a difference, and really need Him badly, even though they don't understand that. These people aren't going to respond to preaching, and they certainly aren't going to understand that the Rapture is just around the bend. They're probably not willing to go to church either, and they shouldn't be pushed for that... We have to start with simple kindness, and a gentle demonstration of a different way of seeing their lives and themselves, while quietly reminding them we are Christians.

I have been doing this with a close friend for five years now. Sometimes it seems I'll never get through, but the more I get to know her, the more I understand why the Lord is having so much trouble reaching her heart. For all that, the slow motion testimony is sinking in slowly. She has other family members who desperately need this sort of witness too, but those people are men and they badly need men to get involved.

Now you have to be careful not to mess up your witness with casual sins like lies or some types of crude remarks, because these unbelievers are actually secretly studying us, alert to the perceived inconsistencies in out witness. They (in America anyway) think they know more about Christianity and Holiness than they actually do, and they almost look for reasons to denounce our testimony. This is one reason why it takes so much time to get through. They don't believe you once, probably don't believe you for 2 years, but given enough time and conversation, they eventually start to see the pattern of our faith in practice, as the ups, downs and challenges of our lives and of their own lives unfold. I have discovered that one thing that really counts is how we respond to their crises. My friend knows another Christian woman pretty well, and it was how that woman responded to my friend's crisis that finally shed some light on what I had been saying about the other woman's faith for years.

I confess freely that some people I have been able to stand with, and some people I had to cut loose because I could no longer stand their taste for obscenity. I know my limits, and because I live in a church saturated area, I don't feel like its all up to me. But I do deeply believe there is a lot we can do if we are patient, willing to go slowly, and stick with these friendships with these lost people, giving them a quite, humble, consistent testimony.

[Steve1300]

Meg, there is no way that you could know that your post is right on time for me. I am going through this situation myself, and I am having to find the patience to do what you are speaking of. When I so desparately want to grab someone by the throat to wake them up to the realities of a better life in Jesus, I have to jam my hands in my pockets. It bothers me to see people suffer while trying to take on the world all by themselves and show their hardened heart to God.

Thanks for your timely post.

Steve

[Kist]

What you need to remember btw is that there are two kinds of Relational Evangelism. One is the type you talk about, the other is just a lame excuse to start dating a non-believer. The first one is great, do it myself on a regular bases(you see some men do it aswell ), but it's hard to get through to some people, some realise a lot and don't want to give things up, others just want to be blind, the other type of RE is a really bad idea. Sure it works sometimes, tends not to though, and can work the wrong way.

[Meg]

What you need to remember btw is that there are two kinds of Relational Evangelism. One is the type you talk about, the other is just a lame excuse to start dating a non-believer. The first one is great, do it myself on a regular bases(you see some men do it aswell ), but it's hard to get through to some people, some realise a lot and don't want to give things up, others just want to be blind, the other type of RE is a really bad idea. Sure it works sometimes, tends not to though, and can work the wrong way.

I have been one of the people it didn't work on. Seriously, when i was in my early 20's, a dear Christian friend tried so hard to get through, and I was quite Scriptureproof, I assure you. Then in 2002, another dear friend tried to get through, in fact 2 friends did. One was a young man who quite blew it by seeming to ask me out on a date, only to reveal that he was inviting me to church. That hit me all wrong, and I went home and wrote a scathing satire on an online pagan forum, and continued to mock him in my heart for some time afterwards. (I was a rather nasty little piece of work in those days...) The second friend was my supervisor on a job and a man I really respected. When I found out he was a Christian, that was no surprise, and I respected him until I caught him in a lie involving work related politics. I was absolutely furious, and again vented among my pagan friends. But the thing was, I never forgot the witness of the man I knew when I was young or that of my former boss. Parts of the way they lived, and the way they treated me and other people as well made a deep impression. In the end, the man who did lead me to Christ was a total stranger, someone I had seen around but never spoken with until the Holy Spirit asked him to speak to me. He was uniquely qualified to work with me, because he was able to field some very odd questions and statements, and because of his level of Christian maturity and very deep faith.

this has a lot to do with why I don't take it personally if I discover I have limits in my service to the Lord, but why I also don't give up easily. It took a lot to bring me to a place where I could even entertain the idea that Jesus Christ even might be real. I had been severely turned off by some very bad wannabe christians in the late 1990's shortly after a suicide attempt, and after staring my own death down the throat and losing an argument with God Himself, I had nothing to lose and was in no mood to play games. But, nobody knew any of that. Nobody knew all of my secrets, except for Jesus Christ alone. That is the basis of at least the foundation of why I say the kinds of things I do.

As to my friend, I have been with her both Thanksgiving night and most of today. We've had some deep talks lately, and I am getting through. Her whole family is Christian too, and she's getting witness from several directions.

Having been the person I have been, and knowing very well both what people could see going on in me and what they couldn't, for example everybody knew I was pretty edgy and kind of crazy, but no one ever guessed I was suppressing terrifying rage before Christ came into my life. Even after, the edginess showed for years, and the best I got in church was avoided... There's a lot of things about hurt people that are easy to misinterpret... That has a lot to do with why I say patience is important. And consistency, compassion and genuine caring. The kindness leaves a lasting impression.

[elliestar11]

This sounds like a great idea for reaching out to people, but I think there needs to be more guides about how to do it right. I know from experience that unbelievers don't like to be thought of as a "project" or a "target" to evangelize, because it makes them feel like the friendship was never genuine.

[Meg]

This sounds like a great idea for reaching out to people, but I think there needs to be more guides about how to do it right. I know from experience that unbelievers don't like to be thought of as a "project" or a "target" to evangelize, because it makes them feel like the friendship was never genuine.

Its a delicate balance, Eiiistar. Take my best friend, for example, She knew early on I'm a Christian. We became friends anyway, but a lot of times, I couldn't really mention the Lord. There's a lot of stuff i still can't share with her, because she just wouldn't understand (she's still not saved, after 5 years of trying). For a while, she used to send me R rated e-mails Used to really bug me, but I'd just delete them. there were times she'd have me cussing too, and I had to really decide I didn't want that in my life, and then I had to explain. Through it all, I don't try to put on a false front with her. What I do, is consistently care.

When I was in my early 20's, my "boyfriend" and I had a really good Christian friend, a pastor-in-training named Mike. In fact there were 2 Christian friends, another man named Ed, who was one of Mike's close friends. They knew we were a couple of pot smoking hippies with whole collections of bad habits, but they were friends with us anyway, and they always made us feel accepted. They let it show that they actually liked us and enjoyed our company. They didn't manage to get either of us to go to church, let alone get Saved, but we never forgot them either. Over 30 years later, I still have a picture of the 4 of us together laughing... The memory of their kindness did a lot to leave me with a kind enough impression of decent Christians, that when the man who led me to Christ did exactly that, I was willing to give him a chance, because I saw something about Mike and Ed in the way J carried himself. The more I got to know J, the more I saw the same expression of Christianity I remembered in Mike and Ed. A long-ago friendship that was blessed with trust and free of condemnation laid the groundwork to be able to trust one last time and take a chance on a Christian one more time. So just be real. You may not see where that might someday lead, but it really does matter that much. It was 19 or 20 years between a friendship with a couple of Christian guys and the conversation that resulted in me accepting Jesus Christ...