Christmas Carols for the Disturbed

[king'sbloomingrose]

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and... Trees and.....
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...

And last but not least:

[Betty]

(hiding cause some of those are me, but don't tell anybody)

[LivnForChrist]

[Meg]

You're catching up with my best sister friend there Holly!

[mattfivefour]

Very funny. indeed! Like, RTG, I see myself in that list. (I won't tell you which one I am but I can ... ooh, there's a kitty. Now where did I put my piece of pie. I love it when the geese fly over in the Fall.)

[Meg]

Very funny. indeed! Like, RTG, I see myself in that list. (I won't tell you which one I am but I can ... ooh, there's a kitty. Now where did I put my piece of pie. I love it when the geese fly over in the Fall.)

... COOKIES!!!!!

[mattfivefour]

Yeah, can you point to Scripture where it says I have to forgive Vicki for scoffing up the last two toll-house cookies in the car?

[Meg]

Yeah, can you point to Scripture where it says I have to forgive Vicki for scoffing up the last two toll-house cookies in the car?

1 Peter 3:7 (You DID ask...)

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

[mattfivefour]

Rats! I just KNEW there was a scripture that would cover that.

(Sorry for the thread hijack, Holly. )

[Meg]

[mattfivefour]

[Meg]

Getting back to the topic of Christmas Carols, here's one courtesy of my brothers (where would we be without the men in our lives? Wait!!! Don't answer that!!)

"Jingle bells, Santa smells, Rudolph ran away
Oh what fun it is to ride in a beat up Chevrolet!"

[king'sbloomingrose]

Getting back to the topic of Christmas Carols, here's one courtesy of my brothers (where would we be without the men in our lives? Wait!!! Don't answer that!!)

"Jingle bells, Santa smells, Rudolph ran away
Oh what fun it is to ride in a beat up Chevrolet!"

You're hilarious! I still laugh at Robert's poem about Fail Crane.

"Fail Crane, Fail Crane,
Why do this to me,
You're rated for 30 mph
Instead you do mac-3
Fail Crane, Fail Crane,
So some pity
If you veer right or left
I'll be history!"

[Meg]

Here's another from the same brother (he's a riot!)

We three kings from Orient are
Tried to smoke a loaded cigar
It was loaded, it exploded
And we formed a new star!

(Did I mention we're Irish?)

[Meg]

Aaah inspiration... I did a web search and came up with one for Robert:

The 12 Days Of Fast Food

(To The Tune “Twelve days of Christmas”)

On the first day of Christmas,
my drive through gave to me:
a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the second day of Christmas,
my drive through gave to me:
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the third day of Christmas,
my drive through gave to me:
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
my drive through gave to me:
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
my drive through gave to me:
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the sixth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the seventh day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the ninth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the tenth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Ten baked potatoes,
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Eleven pounds of blubber,
Ten baked potatoes,
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Twelve bags of Pepto,
Eleven pounds of blubber,
Ten baked potatoes,
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

[Meg]

Rusty Chevrolet

(To The Tune "Jingle Bells")

Dashing through the snow in my rusty Chevrolet.
Down the road I go, sliding all the way.
I need new piston rings. I need some new snow tires.
My car is held together by a piece of chicken wire!

Chorus
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.
I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.
The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.
Oh, what fun it is to drive this rusty Chevrolet!

I went to IGA to get some Christmas cheer.
I just passed up my left front tire and it's gettin' hard to steer.
Speeding down the highway, right past the county cops.
I have to drag my swampers just to get the car to stop.

Chorus
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.
I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.
The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.
Oh, what fun it is to drive this rusty Chevrolet!

Bouncing through the snowdrifts in a big, blue cloud of smoke.
People laugh as I drive by; I wonder what's the joke!
I have to get to Wal-Mart to pick up my layaway,
Cause Santa's comin' soon in his big, old, rusty sleigh!

Chorus
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.
I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.
The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.
Oh, what fun it is to drive this rus-ty Chev-ro-let!

[Meg]

I heard this rarity on the radio in 1988. This has GOTY to be my personal favorite!

The Restroom Sign Said Gentlemen

(To the Tune “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”)

The restroom door said Gentlemen
So I just walked inside
I took two steps and realized
I'd been taken for a ride
I heard high voices turned and found
The place was occupied
By two nuns, three old ladies, and a nurse
What could be worse?
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse.

The restroom door said Gentlemen
It must have been a gag
As soon as I walked in there I ran into some old hag
She sprayed me with a can of mace
And snapped me with her bag.
I could tell this just wouldn't be my day
What can I say?
It just wasn't turning out to be my day.

The restroom door said Gentlemen
And I would like to find
The crummy little creep who had the nerve to switch the sign
Cause I've got two black eyes
And one high heel up my behind
Now I can't sit with comfort and joy
Boy, oh, boy
No, I'll never sit with comfort and joy.

[mattfivefour]

• Away With The Stranger!
• Rudolph The Redneck Reindeer.
• Chipmunks…Roasting On An Open Fire.

And, for real, how about this?

[Meg]

[livin_in_the_Son]

These are sooo funny! I'm beginning to think that some of y'all have a little too much free time!!