Forgiveness versus apologize

[myinnuendo999]

I have an important question that I even did a search on the web for and never really came up with a concrete or direct answer. So I will pose it here..

If I ask someone to forgive me and they respond to me by saying I apologize but never seem to say I forgive you. What is the difference?

Why do some people find it easier to say back to you after you said forgive me well I apologize too but they can't seem to say I forgive you...?

It seems like a person cannot forgive themselves? It's not so much for my benefit that they say "I forgive you" than it is for them. Do they feel unworthy to say it or inadequate?

Help me to understand this...

Thanks sisters and brothers

[livin_in_the_Son]

Maybe I don't understand your question, but personally I never say 'I forgive you'. I have told others that I have forgiven people. In regards to a disagreement, a hurt I caused, whatever...when I know I'm wrong I apologize, and if let's say it's my husband's fault, when he says 'I'm sorry', I simply say 'thank you'. I believe that the true act of forgiveness lies in the act of not holding the offense against the person in question, not saying the words, but actually letting the offense go and moving forward.

Saying the words 'I forgive you' might need to be heard by the person who hurt someone, but I think that's a personal issue. I don't need my husband to tell me he forgives me when I was wrong, him not mentioning the occurance again is enough for me. As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words. JMHO

[myinnuendo999]

I thank you for your response and I'm sorry I wasn't lucid enough...
I usually forgive regardless of whether a person has forgiven me or said it or not even before they've asked or not. That's God's forgiveness in my life and true Resurrection power in Jesus Christ to continue to love them regardless of their response to me...

If maybe I can clarify a bit. I'm not concerned about myself whenever I've asked someone to forgive me and I'm not concerned for myself of whether or not the person says back to me "I forgive you or not. I'm not concerned about myself even if they just say "I apologize too" and never say "I forgive you". I'm concerned really for the other person not being able to say "I forgive you" when I've said "forgive me" but rather they say "I apologize too" like there's something withheld in that by them not extending the same.. Maybe that's their way of saying I forgive you. Maybe I'm reading more into it than what there is. I'm concerned for that the person not myself in that either A) hasn't really forgiven me or B) doesn't know how to say I forgive you because maybe they feel unworthy to do so or C) Doesn't know how..

this is why I was asking in hopes someone could clarify this to me...
thanks

[livin_in_the_Son]

Ohhh...good question, but to which there are any number of answers. My primary response would be to say that's how they say 'you're forgiven', but you could be correct in saying that maybe they haven't truly forgiven that person, or that they can't say those words.

I think that ultimately it would be up to the person asking forgiveness whether the response given is acceptable. Unless you specifically ask the person why they respond a certain way, you may never know the reason, and even then they might not be honest. I can see your concern for the other person, and a possible issue that blocks them, but I have no advice other than prayer. Maybe someone else has a better response. Sorry.

[Bobbi]

I have an important question that I even did a search on the web for and never really came up with a concrete or direct answer. So I will pose it here..

If I ask someone to forgive me and they respond to me by saying I apologize but never seem to say I forgive you. What is the difference?

Why do some people find it easier to say back to you after you said forgive me well I apologize too but they can't seem to say I forgive you...?

It seems like a person cannot forgive themselves? It's not so much for my benefit that they say "I forgive you" than it is for them. Do they feel unworthy to say it or inadequate?

Help me to understand this...

Thanks sisters and brothers

Personally I think saying only "i'm sorry" when you have offended a person is insufficient. I have taught my daughters that if they are truly sorry for what they have done they will say "So-and-so I am sorry for (name the offence) I was wrong, would you please forgive me?" Sometimes they won't forgive right away and that is their option, but God does tell us if we will not forgive, then He won't forgive us, so they are up against God now and not the person who asked for forgivness. But from my own experience it is hard to say "I forgive you", if I am still angry and I will actually tell one of them "you know I don't want to talk about this right now" or "just leave me alone right now". Neither are sufficient, but God doens't let me off the hook and before long I must reconcile with them or things are not right.

So to answer your question, they might not say I forgive you at the moment, because they really don't want to.

[Meg]

I honestly think most people are simply uncomfortable. If they seem to be treating you normally after the forgiveness conversation, its probably safe to assume you're forgiven and all is well. I think you can pretty well tell what someone is thinking towards you by how they act towards you at least I hope you can with Christians). Forgiveness is much more an attitude than a statement, isn't it?

[mattfivefour]

Forgiveness is much more an attitude than a statement, isn't it?

[myinnuendo999]

I honestly think most people are simply uncomfortable. If they seem to be treating you normally after the forgiveness conversation, its probably safe to assume you're forgiven and all is well. I think you can pretty well tell what someone is thinking towards you by how they act towards you at least I hope you can with Christians). Forgiveness is much more an attitude than a statement, isn't it?

That's a great answer Meg.

however if it's online I can't see them. of course how they act towards me online would still apply as you said. If they've forgiven then they'd treat me as such in how they respond to me (online). So if a person doesn't respond to me very well (online) since I can't see them that means although they said "I apologize" after I said "forgive me" that would imply they haven't really forgiven me but just apologized which is not the same thing as extending forgiveness.

I'm just glad that I'm forgiven by Jesus and can continue to love them. Jesus Christ has taught me so much on forgiveness and he has been so patient wimme.

I just see them hurting themselves if they cannot forgive just like Jesus said in Matthew chapter 6. Especially what is an enigma is when someone is a Christian and they belie their faith in Christ.

It seems to me that many have lost the art of true forgiveness as it was biblically.


Bobbi said-

Personally I think saying only "i'm sorry" when you have offended a person is insufficient. I have taught my daughters that if they are truly sorry for what they have done they will say "So-and-so I am sorry for (name the offence) I was wrong, would you please forgive me?" Sometimes they won't forgive right away and that is their option, but God does tell us if we will not forgive, then He won't forgive us, so they are up against God now and not the person who asked for forgivness. But from my own experience it is hard to say "I forgive you", if I am still angry and I will actually tell one of them "you know I don't want to talk about this right now" or "just leave me alone right now". Neither are sufficient, but God doens't let me off the hook and before long I must reconcile with them or things are not right.

So to answer your question, they might not say I forgive you at the moment, because they really don't want to.

Thanks Bobbi that sounds more solid of helping me understand why someone may not say "I forgive you"

[melanie]

That's a great answer Meg.

however if it's online I can't see them. of course how they act towards me online would still apply as you said. If they've forgiven then they'd treat me as such in how they respond to me (online). So if a person doesn't respond to me very well (online) since I can't see them that means although they said "I apologize" after I said "forgive me" that would imply they haven't really forgiven me but just apologized which is not the same thing as extending forgiveness.

I'm just glad that I'm forgiven by Jesus and can continue to love them. Jesus Christ has taught me so much on forgiveness and he has been so patient wimme.

I just see them hurting themselves if they cannot forgive just like Jesus said in Matthew chapter 6. Especially what is an enigma is when someone is a Christian and they belie their faith in Christ.

It seems to me that many have lost the art of true forgiveness as it was biblically.


Bobbi said-

Thanks Bobbi that sounds more solid of helping me understand why someone may not say "I forgive you"

Hmmm, Ironically, the other day I apologized for comments made on the board, but didn't mention forgiveness. Not sure if the inquiry is directed at me or what, but I think the best thing rather than pick apart or dissect someone else's heart, is to instead make sure you forgive fully. Don't assume anything. Don't judge, it's not up to you to judge anyone. No one mentioned forgiveness to me, yet I never thought for an instant I wasn't forgiven by the people such as Meg, Juli or others, as I know they are Christians. I know they forgive me. I forgive people everyday. Why wonder or judge what other people have on their mind? Make sure you repent, don't judge whether or not the other person repents to suit you.

[mattfivefour]

Excellent advice, Melanie!

[myinnuendo999]

Hmmm, Ironically, the other day I apologized for comments made on the board, but didn't mention forgiveness. Not sure if the inquiry is directed at me or what, but I think the best thing rather than pick apart or dissect someone else's heart, is to instead make sure you forgive fully. Don't assume anything. Don't judge, it's not up to you to judge anyone. No one mentioned forgiveness to me, yet I never thought for an instant I wasn't forgiven by the people such as Meg, Juli or others, as I know they are Christians. I know they forgive me. I forgive people everyday. Why wonder or judge what other people have on their mind? Make sure you repent, don't judge whether or not the other person repents to suit you.

No melanie I had no idea. I haven't been on rapture forum that much in the past week or so. This is related to another incident and not you at all.

Sorry that you thought it was you. But thank you for your helpful information from your tender heart that has said such truths that its not up to us to judge...

[livin_in_the_Son]

Hmmm, Ironically, the other day I apologized for comments made on the board, but didn't mention forgiveness. Not sure if the inquiry is directed at me or what, but I think the best thing rather than pick apart or dissect someone else's heart, is to instead make sure you forgive fully. Don't assume anything. Don't judge, it's not up to you to judge anyone. No one mentioned forgiveness to me, yet I never thought for an instant I wasn't forgiven by the people such as Meg, Juli or others, as I know they are Christians. I know they forgive me. I forgive people everyday. Why wonder or judge what other people have on their mind? Make sure you repent, don't judge whether or not the other person repents to suit you.

Ahh Melanie, I DO forgive you, I didn't say those words for the reasons I mentioned in my answer to this question, and because I would be the biggest fake if I thought you didn't deserve it. I don't even think about that when I think of you. You are a brave sister that cared more about making things right than your own self comfort. You are awesome woman!!!

And what you said in response to this question is exactly right....

[Hannah]

Myinnuendo

LK 7:44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven--for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."

LK 7:48 Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven."

Our Lord Jesus Christ didn't leave people wondering if they were forgiven or not, he actually ensured they were secure in the knowledge of His forgiveness.

God has does the same thing. He ensures we know we have recieved his forgiveness through giving us the Holy Spirit.

AC 2:38 Peter replied, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. 39 The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off--for all whom the Lord our God will call."

No guessing games with God either. You get the Holy Spirit so you know you have had your sins forgiven and are fully reconciled with God.

[anath]

I just don't think about it anymore after I have said, I'm sorry & asked someone to forgive me cause when I've asked someone to forgive me, I most probably have also messed things up with my relationship with the Lord. In order to get things straight with Him I must ask Him to forgive me as well. It's just hard enough to keep my own nose clean, ya know?