Are You Incompatible?

[KR McKay]

You know, it occurs to me that the late Ruth Bell Graham, the deceased wife of Dr. Billy Graham, was perhaps the best marriage counselor since Yeshua Himself walked the Earth! Note how concisely she points out that "marital problems" can be easily traced back to the failure of one or both partners to fully submit themselves to each other in Yeshua (emphasis is mine):

http://www.billygraham.org/articlepa...BA=2555&QR=116

Are You Incompatible?


By Ruth Bell Graham


Incompatibility. It’s an all too familiar legal umbrella under which an assortment of excuses finds shelter.

I looked up the definition of incompatibility: “incapable of coexisting harmoniously…”

Incapable of coexisting harmoniously? “With God, all things are possible,” I remembered.

The definition continued: disagreeing in nature. Great! One can disagree without being disagreeable.

Before we married, someone gave me a gem of wisdom: “Where two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary.”

Irreconcilable. I doubt it! When two draw near to God, they find themselves closer to one another.

Conflicting. Terrific! When someone gets into a position of political or social power or one of fame or fortune and no one dares to disagree with him or her, look out! This person is in danger. At times, we all need to be disagreed with.

Our daughter’s Swiss in-laws once gave my husband a Swiss watch. Eventually, it stopped working, but no local watchmaker could fix it.

The next time we were in Switzerland, we sent it directly to the company that made it. They had no problem; the ones who made it knew how to make it work again.

Who invented marriage? He is the One to whom we must go. His Book of Instructions has the answers.

[daygo]

I always remember a certain selwyn hughes brilliant man,saying, a lady came in to my office started crying and said my husband doesn`t love me anymore we have nothing in common. To which he said, that is not the reason for divorce, it`s the reason for marriage and then went onto explaining to the bewildered woman his reasons. It was one of those gobsmacking moments.

[Meg]

I waited half a century to find my husband, and he was/is worth the wait. Yea, we have bad days, but the larger part of our relationship far outweighs the bad days. It took time and patience to get used to his uniquenesses, but he has a right to be who and what he is, as do I. I think its important to be careful who you choose to marry, but to absolutely commit when you do.

Robert and I both had the benefit of having parents who married once and for all, and to see our parents work through challenges together instead of just considering their respective spouses consider each other someone who can be "replaced". You can't replace a person, and that business of thinking you can find an "improved version" of the individual you chose to marry is false, very false. If you married someone or desire to marry someone, there's a reason. Always remember that reason, and put that first. And remember to give your spouse basic respect. That is very important. That and kick the devil out of your marriage. Seriously, nobody needs his help!

[livin_in_the_Son]

I think that the reason a lot of marriages fail is simply the idea that 'if it doesn't work, there's always divorce'. I have known a lot of girls who rush relationships in order to get the "security" that marriage offers, but never realize that there's no security in marrying the wrong person for the wrong reasons.

My husband and I may fight, but divorce is NEVER an option. It's the cowards way out.

[arapahoepark]

I think that the reason a lot of marriages fail is simply the idea that 'if it doesn't work, there's always divorce'. I have known a lot of girls who rush relationships in order to get the "security" that marriage offers, but never realize that there's no security in marrying the wrong person for the wrong reasons.

My husband and I may fight, but divorce is NEVER an option. It's the cowards way out.

I think with girls and guys alike they marry thinking what can this person offer me ?(not thinking about their partner) And it's usually in the form of physical attraction

[Meg]

I know that Livin' is right about young women seeking security and perceived adulthood as well. Something I have heard about a lot of men, and I believe it, is that personality and character are third or fourth on the list of qualities they seek in a wife. From what I hear, its often looks, income, social connections then personality/character in pretty much that order.

I also have an idea that many young folks jump into marriage too fast. The best marriages in my family were carefully considered, although there is the occasional exception. My Mom, who was a stunning young woman, was 26 and a virgin when she married my Dad. They dated for 6 months then married -- with divorce not an option. My oldest brother, on the other hand, dated his wife for 4 years, then married her. He treated her with absolute respect during those 4 years though (no shacking up or anything else, this was the early 1960's). Forty years later... Yup, very much still married.

Now Robert and I got to know each other through these forums for over a year. We knew quite a bit about each other informally before we got talking on the phone, and friendship deepened into a profoundly good marriage. We value the quality of our relationship very highly and are careful not to blow it.

Bad signals are disrespect, physical abuse, and insults. Those are signs that going further is going to be a bad idea. Good signs are high moral values and respect for each other's goals, and very important, a commitment to Jesus Christ and a good prayer life. Those last 2 will go a long way to hold a marriage together!

[mattfivefour]

My first marriage lasted 41 years and 2 months. Things were not always smooth, but we loved each other and had committed to each other before God and (especially once we were both saved in '73) we determined that come what may our marriage was until death. I think she may have felt the same way as Ruth Graham (I think it was) who said, "Never has the thought of divorce ever crossed my mind. Murder yes, but never divorce."


Well, the Lord took her home on May 7, 2007. Blessed be the name of the Lord. And on November 24, 2009, He saw me joined in marriage to another awesome Christian woman. I value those vows as much as the first time. Divorce, except for the most exceptional grounds, is a breaking of a vow before God. The letter of God's Word says, "If a man makes a vow to the LORD, or takes an oath to bind himself with a binding obligation, he shall not violate his word; he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth." (Numbers 30:2 NASB) We are no longer bound by the letter, but we are by the spirit. Most divorces are caused by the fresh bloom of lust wearing off and the individuals now being faced with, outside of the physical, what am I getting from this person? Are they giving me what I want? Instead of them asking what can I give this person? What do they want? How can I manifest my love ... to them? True love has the focus on the other. Worldly love has the focus on self (she/he makes me feel good ... they please me ... they make me look good by being with me ... they turn me on ... they answer some need in me ... etc) even though it is masked behind so-called "love" for the other.


If people would seek God's man or woman, God's will, for their lives, and then committed to working to keep their vows and determine to serve their partner before God, there would be NO divorce.

At least, based on the Word of God and the experiences I have been through, that is what I believe.

[LivnForChrist]

I waited half a century to find my husband, and he was/is worth the wait. Yea, we have bad days, but the larger part of our relationship far outweighs the bad days. It took time and patience to get used to his uniquenesses, but he has a right to be who and what he is, as do I. I think its important to be careful who you choose to marry, but to absolutely commit when you do.

Took a while to get used to all those cheeseburgers huh?