what to do?

[discdog98]

A couple of days ago I sent a Christmas greeting to my youngest daugter via Facebook. She has not spoken to me in almost two years. She's 21 now. I didn't expect a reply because she has been cold to me for quite some time. Anyway, I did receive a message, but it just broke my heart. Apparently somehow, somewhere in her life, I abandoned her... She stated how terrible it was that I put "my God and my husband" before my children. Our last conversation was two years ago and she said she was sick of my talking about Jesus. It's my fault that she is so screwed up and needs counseling. She's afraid of having children because she doesn't know how to be a mother. She'll be depending on her step mother and mother in law to teach her those things as well as cooking and sewing.

I didn't answer her letter. I'm just so speechless and hurt. What should I do now?

[daygo]

The first thing to do is say sorry, please forgive me. Then give her time to respond. At the same time think of what you think the next step should be. My opinion would be is allow her time to take the apology in, then contact her to offer to chat, if she accepts arrange the meeting and let her do the talking, allow her to ventilate her feelings as its called, do not butt in or get angry or feel that your unable to respond and be prepared to receive some anger, do not respond to the anger, allow her to continue. When she has finished you will know, hopefully this will start the healing process, this will take time depending on the both of you. My heart goes out to you, will pray for you in this.
Remember do not rush things, be patient it will work out in the end, I know it will.

[SonSeeker]

Pray for her. That is easier said than done, but it does work. It is obvious you love her very much and praying is by far the best action you can take. She has hardened her heart against you so it's obvious the direct approach isn't working.

There is one other action you can take. Move this thread to the Prayer Requests forum, and you'll have a church-full of Christians interceding for you and your daughter. I pray this helps, and I'll be praying for both of you.

[discdog98]

Thank you both for your insightful posts. I pray for her everyday and will continue to do so and I will also apologize for anything that I might have done. God Bless!

[Meg]

Since I cannot add to the wisdom already shared, I will add you and your daughter to my prayer list.

And may the Peace of Jesus Christ settle on your heart this Christmas.

[LivnForChrist]

A couple of days ago I sent a Christmas greeting to my youngest daugter via Facebook. She has not spoken to me in almost two years. She's 21 now. I didn't expect a reply because she has been cold to me for quite some time. Anyway, I did receive a message, but it just broke my heart. Apparently somehow, somewhere in her life, I abandoned her... She stated how terrible it was that I put "my God and my husband" before my children. Our last conversation was two years ago and she said she was sick of my talking about Jesus. It's my fault that she is so screwed up and needs counseling. She's afraid of having children because she doesn't know how to be a mother. She'll be depending on her step mother and mother in law to teach her those things as well as cooking and sewing.

I didn't answer her letter. I'm just so speechless and hurt. What should I do now?

I just wanted to add something more to this. Your daughters response except for the "and your husband" part could
have been written by my daughter. Yes, do try to mend relations with your daughter but understand
that the enemy is at work and is trying to not only destroy your relationship with her but to attack your relationship with God.
Your daughter seems to have a major beef with your relationship with God. Never be sorry for that. Jesus said if we love
anyone more than him, then we are not worthy of him. Sometimes that brings division in families. Sad but true. Especially
when you have someone who is rebelling against God. She blames you but they are really her own issues.
She probably is not going to listen to you witness to her or talk to her about God right but what
you can do is love her and pray for her. I have a difficult relationship with my 19 year old daughter but we sat down and had
a long talk just this past week. She also blamed me for "abandoning" her. She refused to accept responsibility for her actions
and her life and wanted to dump everything that was wrong in her life on me. We talked about it and I think we finally got past that
stage. I love my kids to death but they all understand that God comes first in my life and always will. But...I explain to them
that my love for Him and His for me makes me a better person. They benefit everyday from my walk with Christ. Because
of my walk with Him, I am more patient, more loving, and more generous. In my flesh, there are things I wouldn't have taken
off anyone! Christ has made me humble, gentle, and patient to a fault. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about following God.
Pray and ask the Lord to prepare your daughters heart to be ready for you and her to resume a relationship. Love her but don't let
her play the guilt game. You are not to blame for any wrong choices she made. I'll pray for both of you.

[BobFin]

A couple of days ago I sent a Christmas greeting to my youngest daugter via Facebook. She has not spoken to me in almost two years. She's 21 now. I didn't expect a reply because she has been cold to me for quite some time. Anyway, I did receive a message, but it just broke my heart. Apparently somehow, somewhere in her life, I abandoned her... She stated how terrible it was that I put "my God and my husband" before my children. Our last conversation was two years ago and she said she was sick of my talking about Jesus. It's my fault that she is so screwed up and needs counseling. She's afraid of having children because she doesn't know how to be a mother. She'll be depending on her step mother and mother in law to teach her those things as well as cooking and sewing.

I didn't answer her letter. I'm just so speechless and hurt. What should I do now?

"Heavenly Father, I pray for Your wisdom to come through in this situation. We know that Your ways are perfect. I lift up discdog98 to You Father and ask that You give her the words to say to her daughter. I pray that You mend their relationship and make it better than it ever was in the past. I also pray Father that you remove the spirit of jealousy from her daughter and fill the void with Your spirit of forgiveness and peace. In Jesus' name! Amen!"

His ways are best and I am excited to hear how He works this out and guides you in this! What a testimony you will have!

[SonSeeker]

"Heavenly Father, I pray for Your wisdom to come through in this situation. We know that Your ways are perfect. I lift up discdog98 to You Father and ask that You give her the words to say to her daughter. I pray that You mend their relationship and make it better than it ever was in the past. I also pray Father that you remove the spirit of jealousy from her daughter and fill the void with Your spirit of forgiveness and peace. In Jesus' name! Amen!"

His ways are best and I am excited to hear how He works this out and guides you in this! What a testimony you will have!

And Amen.

[mattfivefour]

"Heavenly Father, I pray for Your wisdom to come through in this situation. We know that Your ways are perfect. I lift up discdog98 to You Father and ask that You give her the words to say to her daughter. I pray that You mend their relationship and make it better than it ever was in the past. I also pray Father that you remove the spirit of jealousy from her daughter and fill the void with Your spirit of forgiveness and peace. In Jesus' name! Amen!"

Amen.

His ways are best and I am excited to hear how He works this out and guides you in this! What a testimony you will have!

He WILL work this out for the good of both of you and for His glory! Just trust in Him completely, sis, and in no way lean on your own wisdom and understanding.

[discdog98]

Again, thank you all so much. My heart has been so heavy. I know it's a spiritual battle going on. Thank you all for the much needed prayers. I truly believe in prayer and spend a lot of time talking with The Lord. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes.

[LivnForChrist]

Again, thank you all so much. My heart has been so heavy. I know it's a spiritual battle going on. Thank you all for the much needed prayers. I truly believe in prayer and spend a lot of time talking with The Lord. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes.

Yes, keep us posted.

[anath]

I will be adding my prayers as well.

[ShilohRose]

[BuzzardHut]

A couple of days ago I sent a Christmas greeting to my youngest daugter via Facebook. She has not spoken to me in almost two years. She's 21 now. I didn't expect a reply because she has been cold to me for quite some time. Anyway, I did receive a message, but it just broke my heart. Apparently somehow, somewhere in her life, I abandoned her... She stated how terrible it was that I put "my God and my husband" before my children. Our last conversation was two years ago and she said she was sick of my talking about Jesus. It's my fault that she is so screwed up and needs counseling. She's afraid of having children because she doesn't know how to be a mother. She'll be depending on her step mother and mother in law to teach her those things as well as cooking and sewing.

I didn't answer her letter. I'm just so speechless and hurt. What should I do now?

Typical atheist, blames the Christians and God for their pains, praying for your daughter, don't let her play the guilt trip on your feelings.

[Robert]

A couple of days ago I sent a Christmas greeting to my youngest daugter via Facebook. She has not spoken to me in almost two years. She's 21 now. I didn't expect a reply because she has been cold to me for quite some time. Anyway, I did receive a message, but it just broke my heart. Apparently somehow, somewhere in her life, I abandoned her... She stated how terrible it was that I put "my God and my husband" before my children. Our last conversation was two years ago and she said she was sick of my talking about Jesus. It's my fault that she is so screwed up and needs counseling. She's afraid of having children because she doesn't know how to be a mother. She'll be depending on her step mother and mother in law to teach her those things as well as cooking and sewing.

I didn't answer her letter. I'm just so speechless and hurt. What should I do now?

Discdog98,

First off:

Second, LivinInChrist is right; never apologize for putting God first in your life. Scripture tells us that is what we are to do, and to love Him even more than our parents, spouses or anyone else:

“He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it." (Matthew 10:34-39, NASB)

This is by no means to say we should not love our parents, spouses or children; that said, we are to put everything in its' proper place and make sure the Lord is first in our lives.

Third: please forgive me sis if what I am about to say sounds cold about your daughter , but what she told you sounds an awful lot like what my brother used to do to my mom: take his frustrations out on her and lay the blame for his problems on her. Frankly, it sounds like she is trying to blame you and your faith for everything that went wrong in her life, and putting you on what is called a "guilt trip", which is what my brother also did to my mom, and it ultimately ruined her health. Once again, LivinInChrist is correct: you are NOT to blame for your daughter's mistakes, and your daughter needs to own up to her actions.

Scripture tells us:

"“The person who sins will die. The son will not bear the punishment for the father’s iniquity, nor will the father bear the punishment for the son’s iniquity; the righteousness of the righteous will be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked will be upon himself. But if the wicked man turns from all his sins which he has committed and observes all My statutes and practices justice and righteousness, he shall surely live; he shall not die. All his transgressions which he has committed will not be remembered against him; because of his righteousness which he has practiced, he will live. Do I have any pleasure in the death of the wicked,” declares the Lord GOD, “rather than that he should turn from his ways and live? " (Ezekiel 18:19-23, NASB, emphasis mine)

Please don't get me wrong here; I'm not saying in posting any of this that you should turn away from your daughter or "tough cookies" for her! Rather, I suggest as everyone else here has that prayer should be your first recourse and bring this before the Lord. Reach out to her, but ask the Lord's advice on it first. Scripture says we are responsible for our own actions and that the Lord will hold us accountable as such. All a parent can do is their best to raise a child according to the Word of God, but it is ultimately up to that child to make their own decisions in life when they are of age. I'm no psychologist and cannot offer anything more than what I have experienced in my family, but I think counseling with either a pastor or a counselor who is both godly and has experience with family problems would do a lot of good.

We'll be ing for you sis. I apologize again for my tone and my words, but I saw my brother put my mom through a guilt trip, and it destroyed her.


YBIC,


-Robert

[Hannah]

Lifting this up to the Lord for His healing of your heart and for His guidance concerning your daughter's perceived issues with you. In Jesus Name Amen.

I had a step-daughter do a complete dummy spit at me one day and she listed off all my faults (according to her) and ended off with your are not my mother.

I am not her mother but all that she had said against me and her final words hurt deeply.

I know you are hurting but your daughter's perceived issues with you are without grounds. She is obviously still young and not willing to take responsibility for her wrong decision making in life. Do not allow her to dump on you any guilt for her own wrong doings.

Please try to forgive yourself. I am sure the Lord knows that you would want to have a reconciliation and has been working to bring about the ability for your daughter to let go and see the truth so she can come back to you. Just keep trusting the Lord for her.

[discdog98]

God Bless this forum! Thank you all again for the words of comfort. I do feel better today. Joy has returned to my heart in spite of my daughter. She is still spewing venom. I had to finally block her from my Facebook account. I felt bad about doing it, but it prevents my flesh from acting out against her. My son called me yesterday and was so sweet to me. He made me feel much better. So I just won't contact her anymore. She'll have to make the next move. Until then I will just keep on praying for her.

[LivnForChrist]

God Bless this forum! Thank you all again for the words of comfort. I do feel better today. Joy has returned to my heart in spite of my daughter. She is still spewing venom. I had to finally block her from my Facebook account. I felt bad about doing it, but it prevents my flesh from acting out against her. My son called me yesterday and was so sweet to me. He made me feel much better. So I just won't contact her anymore. She'll have to make the next move. Until then I will just keep on praying for her.

Yes, let her come to you. You have extended the olive branch and now it's up to her when
she is ready. I will continue to pray for her with you.

[Everlasting Life]

God Bless this forum! Thank you all again for the words of comfort. I do feel better today. Joy has returned to my heart in spite of my daughter. She is still spewing venom. I had to finally block her from my Facebook account. I felt bad about doing it, but it prevents my flesh from acting out against her. My son called me yesterday and was so sweet to me. He made me feel much better. So I just won't contact her anymore. She'll have to make the next move. Until then I will just keep on praying for her.

Good for you! Excellent boundary put in place there! Unfortunately standing for Christ will put barriers up within our own families at times. And...that venom is just our enemy trying to get at you. The very best thing to do when all other options are fully exhausted is leave these people in God's hands and let Him deal with them. Your prayers on their behalf is the most powerful action you can do!