Family blow-up

[Miss Bobbie]

I was delighted when my (non-Christian) brother and his wife said they were coming for a visit over Christmas. I need your perspective on a situation that ruined Christmas Eve. It was after dinner, after the dishes were done, after Mom opened her presents and had been escorted home. (She's in a mobile home in the back yard.)

My brother (Paul) blew up at my husband (Ken) and he and his wife abruptly left, a day early. No goodbye or civil explanation -- just a very loud, angry, and highly profane tantrum on Paul's part in the driveway. I asked what was going on and my sister-in-law simply said, "Ken's remarks," as she took the driver's seat. Paul ended his tirade with a terse "Have a good one" before they drove away.

I asked Ken what happened, and he related that apparently he had responded to Paul's various rantings with one too many "Get over it"s. While shopping on Saturday for a new TV for Mom, Ken heard bigoted ethnic, racial, religious, and political commentary from both Paul and Mom, and told me later it had reached the point that he didn't even want to be around them. Well, I'm not keen on that kind of talk, either, but a great many issues just don't bother me because I know we're in the last days. (Hooray!) It's all temporary for Christians!

Anyway, Ken sent Paul an e-mail, apologizing for making him mad, and adding that he hoped this incident wouldn't ruin Paul's relationship with me. That is Ken's concern -- that I may not see my brother again. I do not blame Ken for this incident. Paul has a huge temper and is known to be a bridge-burner. There has been no response to the e-mail. I still love Paul, but...

Tell me true -- is it time for me to let go of him? Is the Lord showing me that I need to sever ties with my non-Christain family? I keep thinking of the scripture, "Have nothing to do with them." I've been depressed, and I want to take down the Christmas decorations and put the presents away and erase the events of the weekend. I don't know where I stand with Paul or his wife.

Is there something I should or should not do regarding this situation? I'm reluctant to send e-mail or make a phone call to either of them, for fear of stirring up more anger. I don't even know how to pray about this. :(

I'd appreciate your feedback.

[SoftTouch]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear this Sis. I understand how this can hurt. 2:

I've lost a lot of friends and family because of my stand for Jesus, but not because I walked away, because they did. If they were to come back into my life I would not turn them away, but I would not be silent about Jesus either (and they'd probably walk away again... so be it).

I'd pray for the Lords Will in this. Ask HIM what HE would have you do. HE may answer you right away, or you may need to wait... but HE will answer. It may well be that you'll be seperated from your brother for a long time, or the Lord may bring healing and reconciliation soon. In either case, you're right that it's not Ken's fault (from what I've read). Ken did the right thing in emailing Paul, now you've got to leave it in the Lords hands.

[vmoon]

I think Softouch's advice was good advice. I'm so sorry that your Christmas was ruined. 2:

[LivnForChrist]

I also agree with SoftTouch. Sorry that this happened to you sis. 2: Take it to the Lord in prayer. Praying for you.

[Miss Bobbie]

After making that post, I was in the kitchen unwinding the garland I had used to decorate my walking stick for the season, and I asked the Lord to show me what to do or say to be in His will. He lifted my heavy heart right away! I took Mom out an errand, and by the time we got back, my husband returned from an outing with his father. Ken and talked about the episode, and I made a point to tell him that I didn't blame him for Paul's actions.

Right before Paul blew up, he was gazing (mindlessly or not) at the bookcase that holds all the Christian volumes. Ken tends to think that the very fact that he and I are Christians, with evidence of it all over the house and in our demeanor, is just as maddening to Paul as anything else. It wasn't difficult for me to realize that our faith alone alienates the family from us.

Jesus said He came to divide! :D So I've shaken the dust from my sandals, so to speak. When Paul and the others give their accounts to the Lord, they won't be able to say that the little sister didn't try to talk to them about Him. C'est la vie.

[mikalikat]

Bobbie, remember Ephesians 6--the spiritual battle going on around us that we can't see. If your brother and his wife are unsaved, there is a battle that stirred him up because of the Godly influence in your lives. You cannot lead him, change him, influence him, cajole him, beg him, or WANT him to change. He has free will and must do this himself. You have presented the truth to him, the gospel and he knows about salvation. It's up to him and his wife to make that choice. You have done no wrong, neither has your husband. Pray that his eyes are opened and heart is softened, but that is all you can do. Yes, these are the end times and the enemy is looking to take as many down with him as he can. Breaking up your family is his way of seperating your brother and his wife from God in your life. I, too, have been through this. You have done all you can.

[OnMyWayHome]

Bobbie,
I see this as the most urgent time for prayer for your brother's salvation......he knows he has a choice to make.....he's been confronted with it by you and your husband's unknowing witness! Even your home is a testimony to the Lord!:)

We should all agree in prayer to bind the principalities that are restraining him and trying to influence him to stay in the flesh of the world, the Holy Spirit is ministering to Paul and we must pray for him now. I really think you were seeing the Holy Spirit at work and your brother's fearful resistance! Awesome. I will certainly pray for you all.

Gayle

[ub4war]

Dr Phil i ain't but your first responsibility is to your God
and then your husband
and all others,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,praying

[Chris]

Bobbie,
I think you and your husband have done a good job from what you've said and explained the situation. Ken put forth the first effort and emailed Paul. Perhaps just a little time is necessary for things to blow over.

I've had situations like this happen, too. I think most of us have. The holidays can be a stressful time for all of us. I'd encourage you to continue to pray, seek God's counsel, support your husband and family, and remain open to any and all ways to let the spirit move onto your brother Paul. I don't think there is any need to cease being around your brother and his wife at this time, unless the burden is too great. But if it is not, try to just be open for them if they reach out, I'm not sure how many doors might open for him to hear the Gospel and respond, so if you can keep your door open for him. JMHO.

God bless you and your family. :) 2:

[Miss Bobbie]

Y'all have made some terrific points, and I very much appreciate your support. 2: I believe that, at some level at least, Paul knows he is wrong about the Lord. If faith in God is baloney as he claims, there's no reason to be angry -- he should laugh it off as easily as we dismiss the beliefs of Tom Cruise and Oprah and any other number of people who reject the Truth. His anger is the give-away. He's like so many others who just can't acknowledge that they need a savior.

It's just plain sad.

[sandy]

I was delighted when my (non-Christian) brother and his wife said they were coming for a visit over Christmas. I need your perspective on a situation that ruined Christmas Eve. It was after dinner, after the dishes were done, after Mom opened her presents and had been escorted home. (She's in a mobile home in the back yard.)

My brother (Paul) blew up at my husband (Ken) and he and his wife abruptly left, a day early. No goodbye or civil explanation -- just a very loud, angry, and highly profane tantrum on Paul's part in the driveway. I asked what was going on and my sister-in-law simply said, "Ken's remarks," as she took the driver's seat. Paul ended his tirade with a terse "Have a good one" before they drove away.

I asked Ken what happened, and he related that apparently he had responded to Paul's various rantings with one too many "Get over it"s. While shopping on Saturday for a new TV for Mom, Ken heard bigoted ethnic, racial, religious, and political commentary from both Paul and Mom, and told me later it had reached the point that he didn't even want to be around them. Well, I'm not keen on that kind of talk, either, but a great many issues just don't bother me because I know we're in the last days. (Hooray!) It's all temporary for Christians!

Anyway, Ken sent Paul an e-mail, apologizing for making him mad, and adding that he hoped this incident wouldn't ruin Paul's relationship with me. That is Ken's concern -- that I may not see my brother again. I do not blame Ken for this incident. Paul has a huge temper and is known to be a bridge-burner. There has been no response to the e-mail. I still love Paul, but...

Tell me true -- is it time for me to let go of him? Is the Lord showing me that I need to sever ties with my non-Christain family? I keep thinking of the scripture, "Have nothing to do with them." I've been depressed, and I want to take down the Christmas decorations and put the presents away and erase the events of the weekend. I don't know where I stand with Paul or his wife.

Is there something I should or should not do regarding this situation? I'm reluctant to send e-mail or make a phone call to either of them, for fear of stirring up more anger. I don't even know how to pray about this. :(

I'd appreciate your feedback.

no one can make paul care. some folks are bridge burners and dont have the need to look back, and dont care about others feelings or what they've done.
he will stay like this. its sad... I'm sorry!

nothing you can do about the situation, you were'nt involved. 2:

[Miss Bobbie]

Yes, Paul might just stay that way.

Yesterday he sent me an e-mail with family pictures and asked me to print out a set for Mom, which I did. I sent him a note back, thanking him and saying nothing I wouldn't ordinarily say to him. :p I hope this is a sign that I won't lose contact with him, but I'm not going to push it.

[ann s.]

Bobby and Ken: 2: 2:

[Suzanne]

Bobbie, I think that Christmas highlights the difference between saved and unsaved family members. I didn't have a blow-up with my unsaved family, but there were some issues. You just hang in there and pray. I do believe that there is a spiritual division going on between the saved and unsaved especially among family members. I'm sure that it's been going on since the time of Jesus Christ, but I think that it's intensifying due to the end times. I know that I'm going to keep on praying for my family until Jesus calls me home. I've witnessed to my family on many occaisions and will continue to when I have the opportunity. It's all I can do as a Christian family member.

[Caretaker]

God bless you;

May our Father minister in the hearts and lives of our unsaved dear-ones, breaking all chains of bondage, and revealing the eternal Truth and the glory of His salvation in Christ. May He heal past wounds and hurts, and may His peace, joy, love, and an ever deepening of faith enter into the hearts and lives of His precious children, in Jesus' name.

[Sherry]

Bobbie2: , i lost my whole family except for my Mom, one brother, and an aunt due to my faith in our Lord. These three came to Jesus before they died !!

One brother caused such terrible strife between me and the rest of my family, that I severed all ties with them. All I can say is this: "Thank God and Greyhound they're gone" !!!

You see, this brother and my father hated my husband because we are Christians:D !! All of the strife and dissention these contentious people have caused us is GONE !!

My personal feelings are this: Your first priorities and loyalties are to Jesus Christ and your husband. NOTHING nor ANYONE ELSE matters!! Good riddance to bad rubbish! We don't need Satan's allies in our lives !! We have all we can do to fight the GOOD fight, and not waste our time with contentious, evil people !!

Back up your husband, and tell everyone else who wants to cause you trouble to get behind you!

[justme]

While shopping on Saturday for a new TV for Mom, Ken heard bigoted ethnic, racial, religious, and political commentary from both Paul and Mom, and told me later it had reached the point that he didn't even want to be around them.

This right here is what caught my attention. Being a born again Christian I simply detest this type of talk from anyone regardless of who it is. If I were in Ken's shoes I would have done the very same thing. Why? Because when I'm around talk like this for any length of time I can feel the Holy Spirit moving inside of me and I have one of three options:

1.) I can try to remove myself from the situation if at all possible (didn't sound as if Ken were able to do so in this particular situation.)

2.) I can say something because it is offensive to me as a Christian and to God.

3.) or I can quench what the Holy Spirit wants me to say. To me situations like this are kind of a testing of my obedience to the Holy Spirit and I will not be silent....especially when it comes to racial talk or using the Lord's name in vain. If they get upset then so be it, because it isn't really me they are upset with but the Holy Spirit inside of me.

If Paul ever truly gives his heart and life to Jesus he will know exactly where Ken is coming from.