The Things That Make Your Heart Break

[Meg]

I wrote this essay in 2008 at the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Its about a woman I worked with and witnessed to in 2005. I had been a Christian less than 2 years at the time, but I was set to do my best to serve the Lord on His terms... I dearly wish things had turned out differently. Cheryl's story broke my heart. The actions and attitudes of the other people mentioned in this testimony trouble me to this day. People believe what you're doing a whole lot more than they believe what you're saying. We cannot afford to let our behavior defeat our testimony!! There is a LOT at stake behind some people's scenes...

Here's the original text of what I wrote, posted here at the request of Mattfivefour.


I had been a Christian for about two years when this happened. I wasn’t going to church, and I was still learning to live by Scripture -- its harder than it looks. I very nearly lost my house in the winter of 2004-2005; it was a last ditch effort, a job at McDonalds that kept me safe from that eventuality. It was at McDonalds that I met Cheryl. She was in her early 50’s. She’d had a very hard, very unstable life. Her first husband nearly killed her, so she married a man who worked as an iron-worker. They had to travel constantly for him to stay working, since he built things like large buildings and bridges.

Cheryl was a combination of solid dedication and little strength. I think what messed her up was the shock of being brutally beaten by her first husband when she was a young woman; there was certainly a strong root of trauma there… She seemed to have been raised to be a Christian, but her faith had taken such a hard blow that Jesus Name was her favorite swear word. My prayer journal gained a few pages from the months I worked with her.

In spite of, her flaws, I liked her. Because of her strengths, I respected her. We both worked very hard, we worked the same station, which included baking breakfast items. That meant using steel baking sheets in a 375 degree oven, and Cheryl’s arms were covered with burns -- Cheryl, who had only one child because she couldn’t face the pain of another childbirth. The poor woman was extremely nervous all the time, yet the life she spoke of seemed to be nice enough. She had been married to her second husband for something like 30 years, and they had enough. Her daughter lived nearby, Yet something seemed really wrong. it’s the things they don’t say…

When I left McDonalds for another job, everything was as it had always been. I was working two jobs for a while, cleaning at night and working at another McDonalds doing breakfast in the morning. One morning, a young lady from Cheryl’s store found me at my morning job. She told me that Cheryl’s Dad had been killed in Hurricane Katrina and that something had happened to her daughter, and could I help. I always did like Cheryl. I went down to her store and found her. We went outside to talk.

She told me about her Dad first. He had lived in New Orleans all his life, and was in his 80’s or 90’s or something, he was old and stubborn. No one could persuade him to leave… He had a heart attack in during the storm. That was bad enough, but what happened about six weeks later is why I am telling this woman’s story.

Cheryl’s daughter had moved to Florida with a boyfriend, so she talked to her Mom on her birthday, and everything seemed normal enough. Until the following night. Cheryl’s cell phone rang. It was the boyfriend. A moment later, Cheryl’s husband answered their land line (telephone). It was a detective in Florida. Cheryl’s only daughter, her precious daughter was dead from a drug overdose. Cheryl had a nervous breakdown. She spent some time in a hospital…

Remember those burns on her arms. All down her wrists, fresh burns and scars from healed burns. She never mentioned the detail that her daughter was on drugs. Now I had been witnessing to her, so had another woman at work. I was a new Christian, but the other woman had been a Christian for decades, but the other woman had never overcome her deep bitterness. A third Christian, a pastor’s daughter (Cheryl herself had to clue me in on her, you never would have guessed she was even a Christian at all) was the reason I quit that job. She was one of the most abusive bosses I have ever had the misery to work for. She did wonders for my prayer life…

I had tried everything I could think of to testify to Cheryl. I had even given her a copy of The Cross And The Switchblade, the story of how Teen Challenge got started, Teen Challenge has an 85% success rate with healing drug addicts. What I had to give wasn’t enough. What Jesus Christ had to give was just out of reach. Why? I can only guess; there’s a lot Cheryl told me; there’s a lot more she didn’t. Who’s to bless and who’s to blame? The answers may look more obvious than they really are, but one thing is clear in my mind. You can talk about Jesus Christ all day, but people are going to believe what you’re doing. So maybe you want to think for a while about what your faith means to you, because what your faith means to you is going to be very clear to people who know you.

What broke my heart was the fact that there was a church just out of reach that could have helped Cheryl’s daughter. The Minister Of Outreach was a biker who had himself been delivered from drug addiction. The woman who was drowning in her own bitterness was actually going to that church at the time. I went for a few months myself, the following year (after the tragedy). Jesus Christ was right there, just out of reach. Just out of reach…

[Robert]

Faith is not something we "put on" like a sweater or jacket, only to take it off when we get out of view of those we know. It is within us, fills our hearts for those of us who truly trust the Lord, and seek His face. We can put on an act for the world to see, but when faith truly shines out from us, that is something that cannot be faked and unbelievers do notice.

that the Lord finally reached Cheryl.

[king'sbloomingrose]

Meg, that was a very timely reminder. You know, I see this a lot at school. I never say anything about Jesus most of the time, partly because I'm too scared to and also don't feel led to. But people come over and chat with me at the bus stop. I love the people that I'm around and work with every day. There's a person who has influenced my life who sounds a lot like Cheryl. Jesus is there...the individual knows the truth, but He is just out of reach and they keep searching for the truth. It nearly breaks my heart to see that person everyday living life frustrated and so lost. Hopeless. I pray for him everyday. Then there's my online friends in India. They are lonely and sad and only Jesus can save them and only He loves them sooo much, but they just can't see that! I've told them and shared Jesus with them and have come to the conclusion that only Jesus can open their eyes and reveal Himself to my friends. Only then will they accept Him. But in the meantime, the waiting is so long and it's hard to remain patient.

As my good friend says, "You may be the only Jesus that people ever see." Galatians 6:10 says, "Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith." I know that I get made fun of in class sometimes for wanting to do good to others. Anyhow, that verse goes along with the topic well and this is what I want to spend my life doing.

I really should leave now before I start editing my post as if it was going to be graded in English class. School does strange things sometimes.

[mattfivefour]

Awesome article, Meg!!! By that lesson you have raised a very important matter for all of us to consider in our own lives. Thanks for posting this.

[Elijah's Mantle]

very timely message Meg
and so very very true

Faith is not something we "put on" like a sweater or jacket, only to take it off when we get out of view of those we know.

[Meg]

Meg, that was a very timely reminder. You know, I see this a lot at school. I never say anything about Jesus most of the time, partly because I'm too scared to and also don't feel led to. But people come over and chat with me at the bus stop. I love the people that I'm around and work with every day. There's a person who has influenced my life who sounds a lot like Cheryl. Jesus is there...the individual knows the truth, but He is just out of reach and they keep searching for the truth. It nearly breaks my heart to see that person everyday living life frustrated and so lost. Hopeless. I pray for him everyday. Then there's my online friends in India. They are lonely and sad and only Jesus can save them and only He loves them sooo much, but they just can't see that! I've told them and shared Jesus with them and have come to the conclusion that only Jesus can open their eyes and reveal Himself to my friends. Only then will they accept Him. But in the meantime, the waiting is so long and it's hard to remain patient.

As my good friend says, "You may be the only Jesus that people ever see." Galatians 6:10 says, "Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith." I know that I get made fun of in class sometimes for wanting to do good to others. Anyhow, that verse goes along with the topic well and this is what I want to spend my life doing.

I really should leave now before I start editing my post as if it was going to be graded in English class. School does strange things sometimes.

College is good for you in that way that some professors can drive you crazy while you're in their class, but at the same time push you to achieve things you wouldn't have otherwise. I write a really cool short story in my own freshman English class I never would have written any other way. Hang in there! I hope you get a class you really love, mine was History Of Western Civilization under Dr Jeremiah Ring. That was my idea of a totally awesome class! I bought the text book new, and by the end of the semester, it was in three pieces... I still have it too, and my class notebooks as well.

As to witnessing, I speak of the Lord as Someone I know. I speak freely with simplicity about how He has impacted my life. There have been so many positive changes in my life, that honest testimony comes easily for me, and when I speak of those things, it comes off as genuine. My testimony, and the Lord are quite genuine, and that is visible to people. Two other things people notice in me are that I don't swear (or act like a sinner in other basic ways, my ways are clean before God for the most part), and I handle pressure really well. That springs from a deep dependence on the Lord to Whom I bring every concern in prayer. I believe in being comfortable with my Lord and God, and that just naturally shows. My habit of daily Bible reading comes into play too; often something I have read either on or just before the day I need it is there in my mind when I do. This is why I constantly admonish people to read their Bibles. If folks try that, they will be pleasantly surprised. This doesn't apply every single day, but it does apply often enough to notice and be thankful that God wrote it all down.

Finally, kindness counts, kindness always counts! There is so much bitterness and defeat already in this world, especially these days. Kindness, particularly with unkind people counts. You usually don't see a return on your kindness investment at the time, but you might be surprised to see how much it matters when you're not expecting it... Thats what happened with Cheryl. It meant a lot when she opened up to me, it especially touched my heart to be there for her when she really needed a friend she could tell the whole story to. There are a lot of things she told me I didn't record here, we talked for over 2 hours that last afternoon. It is a privilege and indeed a very important ministry to stand with someone in a time of personal tragedy. For the person you are standing with, it can be the most important thing anyone could do. It can and does cost us to share the harsh burden of a friend, I have done that sort of thing more than once, and yes it has cost me. But sharing someone else's pain was never ever more trouble than it was worth...

[IamPJ]

Thanks for that message Meg. It makes you stop and think. And reading the Bible daily really is important. It has sure helped me.

[myinnuendo999]

God only knows the things that make our hearts break more than anyone. Jesus bore our sins and he bores our scars for all eternity. The pain was but for a time but the eternal joy super cedes way beyond all heart breaks. Our eyes cannot fathom the reality we have IN Christ. If we saw, we'd be more than welcoming the pain and hardships for the surpassing glory-(Philippians 3:8, 2 Corinthians 3:10)- of knowing Jesus Christ our Lord. It's always and I mean ALWAYS best to rest in His arms when we simply do not and cannot understand what is beyond our capacity on this earth-(2 Corinthians 4:7). 1John 3:20 whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

We can ONLY trust that God IS always GOOD, all wise and all knowing and Just-(eternal in all his attributes). That simply has to be enough. If God is not enough for us, then that is self-righteousness on our parts to say he's not. It takes time and for some things maybe a lifetime but we have to close the door on some things and move forwards or they will just drag us down with them.



God bless

[Saved2011]

Wow. You have no idea how much I needed to read this today!!