Thank you Hannah, it really matters to me to try to encourage and strengthen my sisters and brothers in Christ. Adrian keeps telling me to stop trying to figure everything out, but I can't seem to help it. I too pray deeply, trying to make sense of these things. This brings to mind the first strong impression I had of the Lord when I began this journey... Unbelievers, which is what I was when I began, think they know all about who and what God should be, especially Jesus Christ. Since in the West, everybody's heard of Him, we tend to think we know all about Him or we should know all about Him. The fact is more like we don't, so we need to ask, and we need to permit Him the freedom of individuality to answer in His own way. Then we need to be able to accept that His answer won't necessarily line up with our preconceived notions.
I think some people who have been going to church for decades think they are past the point of new discovery. I also think people tend to misinterpret which aspects of Scripture apply to everyone and which parts allow for individuality, in fact I think often the two areas are gotten backwards. People like to think that grace and forgiveness apply to me and not thee, while gifts and callings should apply to thee because it applies to me. I think thats a symptom of what Ravi Zacharias describes as a lack of critical thinking, let alone critically examined prayer (as in critically examining yourself and praying for God's truth to sort things out).
Hannah, you, for example struggle with ongoing health problems. I can see where you could perceive that as a limitation, an affliction and a disadvantage. But what if it is a calling to bring the testimony of Jesus Christ to healthcare settings as a fellow sufferer, being asked by the Lord to bring hope and encouragement to others who are feeling very discourages and hopeless? It hurts to have some healthy person tell you how much you have to look forward to when you know its not going to be that simple. But it looks a lot different when someone who is a fellow patient speaks hope into the evidently hopeless.
So, dear sister, be of strong heart and bold faith, I think Jesus Christ is asking something difficult of you entirely because He thinks you've got what it takes to handle His business in a healthcare setting. That takes a certain kind of strength, and I think He sees and greatly values these qualities in you and your husband. Gifts of the Holy Spirit are by no means always simple easy things. Some of these Gifts are so crushingly heavy that it takes the Son Of God to hold you up while you stagger along with them...

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