(parody) 45 Days of Purposely Leading Sheep Astray

[billiefan2000]

I love Def.con for telling it likeit about the Purpose driven movement

and this parody sadly tells us the sad state of our churches


http://defendingcontending.com/2009/...-sheep-astray/


45 Days of Purposely Leading Sheep Astray
April 17, 2009 by The Desert Pastor

This is an unpaid advertisement for a fictional book. Any resemblance to real life or real people claiming to be ministers is not coincidental.

****************

Don’t have the money for a paid marketing team to help your church become hip, cool and relevant?


Not sure whether you are reaching your full potential as a pastor and reaching the masses like you were destined to do?


No longer sure that preaching the old-fashioned message is relevant in the 21st century Laodicean church of America?


Then worry no longer - help has arrived!




Here at DefCon, we have studied the best of all the famous, biblically illiterate, money-making,


Scripture-ignoring preachers and have compiled a book which you too can own for just 3 easy payments of $9.95 plus shipping


and handling and packing and delivery to the post office charges and whatever other charges we feel we can get away with to bolster our own profits.





In this new book yet to hit the New York bestseller list and entitled, “45 Days of Purposely Leading Sheep Astray”, you will learn:

1. How to be cool and hip while wearing the latest grunge fashions,


2. How to be relevant to a growing congregation that does not really care about Biblical expository message and the preaching of the gospel,


3. How to ensure that your people aren’t worried about asking you theology questions, but how you got your newest platinum hair-do,


4. How to preach sermonettes that tickle people’s ears and do not offend,


5. How to make sure your people come back every week with more of their worldly friends,


6. How to use the devil’s music to entice more unbelievers to come and act like unbelievers,


7. How to employ ungodly lyrics with the music with examples from fine music teachers who will teach you how to swing socks around your head,


8. How to use vulgar and crude language in a way that makes you look relevant and how to get well-known pastors to endorse your ministry while using such language,


9. How to employ bedroom humor into the pulpit in offensive ways that make people laugh,


10. How to pander to political types with prayers that invoke the names of heathen gods,


11. How to recognize how you as a pastor can truly have YOUR BEST LIFE NOW!



These are just a few of the many wonderful topics covered in this latest book that will


hit the self-help consumer-driven so-called Christian bookstores in a shopping center near you.


We promise that these methods will not gain you a


“Well-done, good and faithful servant” award, but it will help YOUR church to grow and in time you will be able to have the resources necessary to hire your own marketing team.


Your church will be the latest addition to the rollcall of lukewarm Laodicean churches

in a trend that is sweeping the nations of the west


and you will be alongside an army of men who are leading the sheep astray.




We recommend that you be prepared to receive your rewards down here at the hands of men for there will be nothing to come in eternity,


and for those interested in the next step of church and world integration,


we are also going to offer bumper stickers for your car, bookmarks for your Reader’s Digest edition Bibles


(which cuts out all the unimportant parts of Scripture), and sign add-ons for your church.


All of these will come embossed with one word in clearly legible type pleasing to the carnal eye - ICHABOD!

So, without delay, write today. This is one book you can’t afford to be without!

*******************

OR CAN YOU??

2 Timothy 2:1-4 - “You therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things that you have heard from me among many witnesses, commit these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.

You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier.”




http://defendingcontending.com/2009/...-sheep-astray/

[His Bride]

Funny, and sad but true.

[LostNoMore4]

Funny, and sad but true.

Yeah - the irony of this being a "parady" is that it's actually paradying a parady(if you catch my drift) - pretty much everything said here is what Warren and Emergent Church leaders HAVE been doing!

[billiefan2000]

Yeah - the irony of this being a "parady" is that it's actually paradying a parady(if you catch my drift) -


pretty much everything said here is what Warren and Emergent Church leaders HAVE been doing!

you are so right that is what Warren and the Emergent church cult has done

[Carl]

Isaiah is just being called to his Ministry.

8 Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me.
He shows that the obstinacy of the people is the cause of their desolation
9 And he said, Go, and tell this people, Hear ye indeed, but understand not; and see ye indeed, but perceive not.
10 Make the heart of this people fat, and make their ears heavy, and shut their eyes; lest they see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart, and convert, and be healed.
11 Then said I, Lord, how long? And he answered, Until the cities be wasted without inhabitant, and the houses without man, and the land be utterly desolate,
Isaiah 6:8-11 (KJV)


I read this today and thought about how people just don't receive the message of Holiness anymore.