PARAPROSDOKIANS

[billym]

PARAPROSDOKIANS, (Winston Churchill loved them), are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

1.Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
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2.The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
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3.Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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4.If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
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5.We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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6.War does not determine who is right - only who is left...
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7.Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
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8.They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
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9.To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
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10.Buses stop in bus stations.** Trains stop in train stations.* On my desk is a work station.
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11.I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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12.In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
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13.I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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15.Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
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16.A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
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17.You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
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18.Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
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19.There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
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20.I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
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21.You're never too old to learn something stupid.
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22.To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
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23.Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
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24.Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
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25.Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing*in a garage makes you a car.

[readytogo]

[billym]

For some reason I liked this one best
17.You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

[readytogo]

I've heard most of them before. But I hadn't seen them put all in the same place. For some reason, my favorite is "Buses stop in bus stations.** Trains stop in train stations.* On my desk is a work station."

[livin_in_the_Son]

I loved them all, but my favorite is 'If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong'....I have it on a magnet on my fridge! All in all, a good bunch of chuckles!

[LivnForChrist]

[readyforhome]

Pretty good!

[mattfivefour]

Here's another.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.