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Heartbroken
By Robert
Recently, I went through a situation that caused (and is causing me) a great deal of emotional pain. While I don't wish to get into the specific details over what it is all about, i can relay to you the specifics of how I feel;
I feel like someone drove a knife into my chest, and then dropped a 20 ton weight on it. My heart hurts, to the point I cannot ignore it no matter how hard I try. I go to sleep at night, and it wakes me. During the day, it saps my energy and I am emotionally overcome with grief. I end up crying at night, weeping for hours on end, crying out to Abba for help and comfort over this. My heart is rent in pieces to the point where I'm pretty sure it's nothing but gravel now. The pain doesn't seem to go away, but only increases as the days go on. Talking to others has helped a little bit, but not to the degree I wish it would. I have been told that time will heal it, but since this has only happened recently, I am looking at a VERY long time before these wounds even think of beginning to close, and I feel like life itself is a chore I'd sooner not have to get up for in the morning. This black pit just seems to grow darker and darker.
One thing that close friends of mine will tell you about me is that I have a big heart; the problem with big hearts is that they break very easily, and are often very hard to fix. I have turned it over to God, but this pain is still there, and right now, I'm not much use to anyone. In this instance, all I can do is lean upon God, and pray that he can carry me through this agony, and perhaps that he can intervene in this situation for me. All my hopes and dreams have been committed to him, and I pray that he would help me with this pain.
But my point in writing this is not about myself, but God.
God knows what heartbreak is all about. When man sinned in the Garden and broke God's commandment, man was separated from God. One can only imagine the heartbreak that God must have felt. He was Adam and Eve's best friend, and when it happened, I imagine God must have felt even more so that I do right now. After expelling Adam and Eve from the Garden, i have imagined, God walking back to his throne in heaven, tears streaming down his face, feeling like his own heart was ripped to pieces by his friends, his very children. But that is not the only heartbreak he has had to face...
"Oh that my head were waters, and mine eyes a fountain of tears, that I might weep day and night for the slain of the daughter of my people!" (Jeremiah 9:1)
Though these words were spoken by Jeremiah about his own people, it reflects God's attitude towards his Israel. To have clothed them, fed them and nurtured them as his own for so long, only to see them become as bad, if not worse that, the nations that surrounded them. It surely broke his heart to see this, to see what his beloved nation had sunk to. Though he had to punish them, he didn't want to have to do it:
"Say unto them, As I live, saith the Lord GOD, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn from his way and live: turn ye, turn ye from your evil ways; for why will ye die, O house of Israel? " ( Ezekiel 33:11)
Jesus himself wept for Jerusalem and her people when he walked this planet as one of us:
"O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, which killest the prophets, and stonest them that are sent unto thee; how often would I have gathered thy children together, as a hen doth gather her brood under her wings, and ye would not!" ( Luke 13:34 )
Yet, there would be another heartbreak for God: having to turn away from his own son on the cross when he paid the price for our sins at Calvary. God cannot look upon sin, and when Jesus took our sins upon him, he paid the price for them in full. Although Justice had to be paid, it gave the father no pleasure at all to see his son brutally beaten, scourged and then murdered by the very creations that he gave life to. I can only imagine that when Jesus was on the cross, God once again had tears streaming down his face, weeping at the thought of being separated from his son, whom he had fellowship with from eternity past.
And yet, that will not be the last heartbreak for him.
Every time we sin, ever time we do what we shouldn't or don't do what we should, his heart breaks anew for us. For those who reject his precious message of salvation, his heart is rent asunder yet again. And finally, at the Great White Throne of judgment, it will break his heart to see all those that rejected him throughout history sent to their final place of residence; the Lake of Fire.
So, yes. God knows what it is like to have a broken heart. He knows the knifing pain, the sharp ache, the draining ebb of it as is continues to hurt time and again. He knows the tears we cry and the grief and anguish that we go through. He is well acquainted with sorrow and despair in our lives as we trudge through this maelstrom called life. From weeping for his dead friend Lazarus, to weeping for Jerusalem, to weeping for all of us, the Lord knows our frames are but dust, and we are made from the dust of the earth.
I am sorry if this is not one of my better topics, but at this point, I felt I had to write it. As for myself, all I can do is commit this to God with the hope that he may yet bring something good of this, and perhaps, hoping against hope, he may yet champion what I hope for most. But all I can do is trust in him, because that is all that have right now.
YBIC,
-Robert
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